So T brought up integration

So my T asked me how I feel about integration. I really don't know how I feel about it. He is not pushing it or anything like that, but he has real concerns about a couple of my peeps who seem bent on constant persecution of me. One of my peeps asked if they could stay since they were "good" as she says and he said yes all could stay but some needed to really get under control for the sake of my physical health. The ones out of control are refusing any co living and have even split away form the others who they see as "the perfect angel ones".

The only time outside of persecution they have spoken to me lately is to tell me I have no understanding of them. To which I reply I can't understand when you won't talk to me.

I am at a loss and I am not sure integration is the way. However my physical body is now at risk so not sure.

Any advice would be welcome

Lolo

Forced intergration is a temporary bandaid that can come right off at the drop of a hat. As for out of control alters, you need to stop trying to reason with them if they won't be reasoned with and start cracking down. Throwing alters in lockup is a good way to get them to shut up and listen for a change. And if they don't want to listen anyway, hey, they're in lockup, they can't hurt anyone. You need to make mental jailcells where you can put them in if they don't want to behave. Have your stronger, good alters help you.

Yes, some of mine got 'exiled' and it was both really dangerous because they can become more suicidal exiled from the system but it also really made them decide they wanted in, not out. Nobody in the system did it to 'teach them a lesson' but once they asked to be accepted they really began to be team players. As for integration, its our goal and we have a very similar clash - the conservative side and the wild side. They are working hard to trial each others tastes and be open to what each other get from these.

Mr. Bates yes that was the very concern we talked about even the T is not a huge fan of it. I am not sure if I can do what your saying but I can try. The main problem is the ones who have gotten destructive have moved out of view if you will of me and the others. There is little to no communication between them and the other alters and the same with me and them. Its never been like this before so it is new for me. Or rather never this unreasonable. I am however gonna see what can be done to quiet there hate and keep them at bay until a time they can at least be civil.

Yep didville that is exactly what has happened. Except they self imposed themselves as separate they were not exiled by me or any of the others, well that is what I am being told anyway. I lost my co-conscience with all about 1 1/2 years ago, don't know why so at best I can say as far as I know. The integration stuff was brought up as a protective measure for short term. The T as well as me are not interested in forcing anything at th is point but self protection is a must. I am not sure in the long term what it is gonna look like for now I just need to handle my peeps better.

Lolo

Our psych mentioned integration straight away and it caused all sorts of chaos. I likened it to throwing napalm into the system.

I really don't feel that a therapist should place their thought of what is best on you. My feeling on it is this: when you start to pay the consequences- good or bad for the decisions that I make then I will let you make those decisions. As long as I have to live with the repercussions-- I will make the choices. That is all of us will, one way or other either by arm wrestling or blood shed.
Fen

Hi Fen

It was not the T telling me more a talk about it. He brought it up cause he is pretty worried about some things that have taken place over the past weeks. I really need re establish connection with some who have in a sense turned there back on me and the protectors as well as the little ones. He is not against co awareness or even sometimes not he just is worried about self harm cause a couple who used to work within the system are angry and causing a good deal of trouble. It is complicated and I can't give to much information but simply I have things I must do for my physical body to live.

They do not want to do it cause they are mad. This can cause an issue in less then a 24 hour period so anyway to help with them is a place to be explored. They won't tell me or the others what is the matter so we are kind of stuck. Even though I have told them how important these things are to my health they refuse to listen. Others have told them also. Right now a couple of protectors who are very strong are preventing them from coming front. Which of course makes them angry more but it is not a risk I can take.

I wish i could be more forth coming but I can not.
Lolo

This may sound a bit far out and I don't know if it will help, but I've had a similar situation with 'angry'. I had no connection with her, she was very dangerous to my body and anyone around her. Some quite serious incidents have taken place when angry was present.

My T recognised the need for something to change in order for 'angry' to behave better. Her approach was to communicate with 'angry' about safer ways to be angry (a baseball bat and pillow?), 'angry' taking tabs to calm down before harming, but most importantly to use comforting things (a massive duvet, painting, anything to comfort 'Angrys' anger). Ofcourse you may not know what would be comforting for these other two, I didn't, so I just started by seeing what made me feel comforted in some way.

I have know idea if any of that will work for you, but I did wonder when reading your post, if maybe they need to feel safer?? 'Angry' visited me yesturday, I was ready for it as I was in the middle of an argument, for some reason, the above got through, or should I say I got through and spoke to 'Angry', I urged her to take the tablets, I spoke her through not self-harming and then I encouraged her to seek comfort. It worked for us. I'd previously never had that connection with her, and it was the first time 'angry' hasn't hurt my body or anybody else. I hope this is some use, I'm no therapist though so please bare in mind its just an idea

Thank you for the ideas I am taking everyones ideas and seeing if I can make it work. Since they are not communicating with anyone it is hard to tell what they need.

A bit of history for you I just started therapy for DID. I have had DID almost my entire life but it was the break down in communication and the self hate that drove me to get help. I have known my T for almost 4 years in therapy for something else. Bless him he always knew but he knew I had to come to him to he did not intrude. I am glad for that cause I won't not have gotten help if i felt to exposed. So once we were out in the open to someone else all got really upset. I am the queen of secrecy and inside self security so while it has served me well it is now becoming hurtful.

So I went thru the payback of admitting to my T the truth and now I am left with these ones just angry and cut off. I am gonna keep trying just I understand I don't understand a whole lot so when you all give me ideas many times it helps so much.

Thank you
Lolo

so, some people are mad and want to hurt the body. that can be serious. do you know why they're mad? you mentioned they don't talk to you or any of the 'good' alters. Do they talk to each other? Do you think you can keep them from fronting for a while? If the body dies, they die, too. Make sure they know that.

Stephani+ wrote:so, some people are mad and want to hurt the body. that can be serious. do you know why they're mad? you mentioned they don't talk to you or any of the 'good' alters. Do they talk to each other? Do you think you can keep them from fronting for a while? If the body dies, they die, too. Make sure they know that.

Yep they know. I have some protectors preventing them from coming into full control. There shared control is not so easy to control since they won't talk, block off my ability to know if there talking to each other and say awful awful things and show awful awful pics. Besides try to jump forward when it is time for medicine leaving me battered from having to use alot of energy and switching to keep them at bay so I can take my meds.

When I sought help it when the whole system got upset but I needed to. These guys just never came back around. I am in with T 3 times a week and even he has tried to tell them there safe.
we spent 42 years in secret so its a bit much for everyone. I am gonna keep trying to talk and at the same time see if I can lock down with the help of some alts to buy me some resting time. Just a couple days to get some sleep would be great.

Lolo