Tough week. but some big steps..has anyone ever..?

Today I was able to tell my girlfriend about some of what happened when I was young. I also told her a bit about whats going on now in my mind. I don't know how much I was actually there when I was getting thru that talk..and she could see it too. I felt nothing, but Mickey cried his eyes out Something to talk about with the doc this week I suppose. Anyways, It was very difficult to talk about all that.

Has anyone here ever had to talk with a loved one about similar experiences? How did it pan out? Should I even bother? Perhaps it is irrational, but I felt nervous that it would affect how she see's me.

I think it’s a personal decision. I think we each decide who to tell, when to tell, and how much to tell. I have only told two people, my sister and my daughter, because they are my family support system.

It was difficult telling them. It’s difficult to describe without scaring the be-Jesus out of anyone because of all those creepy-over-the-top movies on multiple personality disorder. By the time I had it officially confirmed I had a pretty good handle on it and explained that it was no where near as bad as depicted in the movies, and that it can be quite subtle.

I think if you are ready to tell someone then they should be encouraged to read up on it for themselves and then maybe ask you some questions about how it effects you because we are all effected differently to different degrees.

I was quite relieved when my sister said that she had known me all my life and couldn’t treat me any different even if she wanted to. I showed my daughter the letter from the psychologist where it described how well I am coping with such a complex situation and that even he couldn’t improve on the coping tools I had created. I wanted to reassure her the most because we are very close and I have a young grandchild. I didn’t want her to have any doubts about leaving her child with me.

Give the people you tell time to get their head around it. Try not to load them down with too much information until they have had a chance to read up on it for themselves. And while trying to have friends and family for support try not to turn them into your therapist or psych doc. Remember, you may be looking for their support and understanding but they will need yours too. It’s a lot for anyone to take onboard.

Best wishes and good luck.

Only do it if you want to and have thought things through.

I also disclosed to my boyfriend, but I did too much, too soon, and I burnt him out.
He still isn't recovered and sometimes views me as a child because of my child alters.
He understands DID in it's complexity, but handles me with extreme caution until he
trusts that he won't hurt me and I'm fully 'awake'.

If you do disclose, remember that your girlfriend is human too, and take your time.
Give her lots of time to process, because as my sweetheart put it "It's traumatizing to hear
that your loved one went through so much".
She doesn't need to know everything, I told him -everything- and it really put a damper on
the relationship. We're repairing it, but it's taking a really long time.
I'm glad that it will be eventually repaired, because I really didn't mean to shock him.
*Slight trigger?* It ruined sex in our relationship, it doesn't happen, because he realizes that the kids
have been horribly abused and sex triggers me, and he doesn't want to hurt me. Also he has lots
of trouble wrapping his head around my being one person, then another, and it clicks the 'off' switch.
It takes a regular person a while to adjust to any new situation and seeing me after a day of seeing
one of the kids is not sexy. It took me a while to realize this. We're currently in counseling and things
are slowly SLOWLY getting better. This is something to consider, a regular person would not
find it sexy to find out that there are kids present or realize that you can be easily triggered and flashback. *end trigger*

If anything, it helped him realize my limitations and that I have more troubles someday than not,
so he is very patient with me. But he also doesn't let me get away with sitting around and moping, he
likes to give me pep talks and remind me what year it is and that I'm surrounded by people who love me,
and constantly reminds me.
We are very much in love and my disclosing hasn't affected that.

If I would do anything differently it would be to take my time, and do most of my self work with the therapist.

Good luck!!!

First of all, that is wonderful that you opened the conversation up and put it on the table. We know how... "difficult" seems too mild of a word for it, but we know what that's like. *thumbs up*

I think it's really important for loved ones, especially partners, to know. I don't think we need to force ourselves to divulge details until we're ready either, though. My partner found out when I had a total melt down and that's probably not the way to go about it. Could I do it again, I would have said that I'm a survivor of sexual, physical, emotional/mental and verbal abuse and then left the details for a time when I felt less vulnerable. He still doesn't know everything, but getting it out there helps him a lot with our relationship (see also: I'm not being cold, that's probably someone else ).

It certainly didn't change how he sees me in a negative light. He sees someone who's strong and has fought her way to wanting a "normal" life, but with her system members along for the ride. I think if anyone changes their opinion for the negative, in whatever fashion that may be, they don't love you as much as they say they do or as much as you deserve. OF COURSE you will be nervous. It's not exactly small talk, ya know? And she may react in an unexpected way. Don't necessarily take it as a bad thing. It will likely be shocking to her. She might need some time to process the information. She might be afraid to touch you (even just a hug) until you say if it's OK. Those reactions are natural and respectful as well. But if she seems disgusted or something, run like hell! You deserve someone who will listen and communicate with you (ALL of you) and place the anger and disgust on whom it belongs (your abuser(s)) and not on you. But I think she will handle it appropriately. ♥

-Mikaela

Give the people you tell time to get their head around it. Try not to load them down with too much information until they have had a chance to read up on it for themselves. And while trying to have friends and family for support try not to turn them into your therapist or psych doc. Remember, you may be looking for their support and understanding but they will need yours too. It’s a lot for anyone to take onboard.

Thats a good point- All I need is understanding and that, not a therapist. I can see how that could confuse things.

First of all, that is wonderful that you opened the conversation up and put it on the table. We know how... "difficult" seems too mild of a word for it, but we know what that's like. *thumbs up*

Thanks

*Slight trigger?* It ruined sex in our relationship, it doesn't happen, because he realizes that the kids
have been horribly abused and sex triggers me, and he doesn't want to hurt me.

I can understand that- Sex was a big part of what made me tell her. "Things" werent happening/working..even a massage triggered things. Then I was totally spacey and off the rest of the night. I hope I will be able to shake the vulnerable feelings soon- part of having a child alter so close to the front I believe. Seems like it isnt changing much lately though.

Well, I've learned that I only give the details out when I'm ready. Otherwise I just say I've had a tough life of abuse and I'm a survivor of that. My significant others are fine about that. But lately, I feel blessed that I have Seth around. Even though he may have issues of his own he some how understands and comforts me. He is just always there when I need him.

That's another thing I fear as well as my others. We feel that we will be a burden on someone who gets close to us. They will leave us like what another major relationship did to us. This was when we were in limbo on the whole diagnosis part. The shrinks couldn't figure it out. They put me on drugs (antipsychotics) of every sort that did not work on us. That's why I think family is so important in trying to diagnose DID. If they are aware enough they could tell who was who and what was what.

But what her fiance did was horrible. I saw everything. And took most of my anger out on him. He did not deserve Sarah as far as I could tell. And Aria could not take it and Sarah had a hard time as well. So again the Suicide attempt. Then he left her. Which I felt good about. She did not. I would rather just have meaningless sex from now on and not know the person, but Seth seems like a really good guy.

-Iris

geckopaws wrote: But lately, I feel blessed that I have Seth around. Even though he may have issues of his own he some how understands and comforts me. He is just always there when I need him.

Good for you That is valuable and rare.

geckopaws wrote:he shrinks couldn't figure it out. They put me on drugs (antipsychotics) of every sort that did not work on us. That's why I think family is so important in trying to diagnose DID. If they are aware enough they could tell who was who and what was what.

I know what you mean. They have had me on some nasty stuff too. Seems like they should know more about this now...guess not.

I haven't been able to get an agreement to allow me to be close to my significant other I know itll take a while for a therapist to help that. What works for you all?

I know what you mean. They have had me on some nasty stuff too. Seems like they should know more about this now...guess not.

I haven't been able to get an agreement to allow me to be close to my significant other I know itll take a while for a therapist to help that. What works for you all?

Well it works for us well when we just switch and come out. We usually don't announce ourselves right away, but some of us do. And when he thinks I've switched he asks who is out? That's all he really does. And when that happens it's better. Though he still doesn't feel comfortable with all of them. He feels as if he is cheating on me. LOL. I mean go figure right?

I wonder if he does not tell me if some of them switched or not. Sometimes he debates whether to tell me. Although he has this Id that is opposite of himself in every way he has to deal with. So he basically understands.