Relationship struggle

hi I'm not sure about posting this so excuse me if I edit or take it down later. I'm having some er relationship issues. It's become a big problem.

At this point it seems likely that I have more than 1 other alter, and I think more than 2 others at least, but only 1 confirmed. But I have been lied to by him so grievously I don't even know where to begin. He draws and writes through me usually, and at first it was a solid connection, but after a lot of disaster, I actively tried to reject the connection. It has become a little better recently, but the lies have been so much that I feel stupid for trying to communicate with him anymore. But that goes against the usual advice, which is that communication is the only way to improve the situation.

I asked him if he knows if there are more than 1 alter, he said he doesnt know, but that he's posed as if he were more than one before, so in other words, there is still a lot of ambiguity, unawareness but more importantly, he just keeps lying. Our communication is very fuzzy at best, so I can understand if maybe I misheard some $#%^, but I just can't seem to see why or how to get around this. And all the lies have lead me to fail courses, get sick, lose my appetite, fall out of touch... basically I've run into the ground quite a lot.

And today, he said: "You are doing me a favour when you kill yourself". I shouldnt' be surprised, but it feels like we've hit a new low. I don't actively plan on how to kill myself, but about every couple of hours I think something like, "hopefully I just won't live too much longer". I feel guilty for not being able to provide a fulfilling quality of life for either of us, or for wheover else is there. A lot of it's due to my general lack of cheer and really destructive eating disordered habits too. and I feel guilty that he apparently can't control my body (I asked him if he chooses not to control it, and he said no - but how am I supposed to know if thats true or not?)

I think we've been on good terms before, but then again, maybe it was all a lie from the start. Either way, we're not on good terms now. What would you guys suggest? I'm really out of ideas here.

What kind of things is he lying about, that are affecting you so much?

Collingwood wrote:I feel guilty for not being able to provide a fulfilling quality of life for either of us, or for wheover else is there.

You can't do more than your best. If that's as good as you can get it right now, don't stress too much about it.

Collingwood wrote:and I feel guilty that he apparently can't control my body (I asked him if he chooses not to control it, and he said no - but how am I supposed to know if thats true or not?)

Can't really, I guess. I wonder if he should be able to control your body, if he can write/draw through you...
It's possible that he can't, but I would think he's not telling the truth. Someone besides you should be able to take over.

I still think a lot of lies are better than nothing. Most lies are based off of the truth, so you can piece some of the lies together and maybe get a little truth *shrugs*.

What kind of things is he lying about, that are affecting you so much?

Well after he admitted to acting like more than one alter, I feel like he's just been leading me around on a wild goose chase. He name-drops and I can hear the names and such, and wonder if these are names of alters? There have been "alters" who I got to know, but now Im afraid they were just him. He also said a lot of nice things about our relationship to each other, but his actions make me feel like a hated target, so I think like he was lying about that too. These are just the present concerns. They've been way more wild and crazy before, but I'm just trying to put that to bed. I just wonder what could it be that makes him persist? I know that no one can give me a real answer here and it will ultimately be up to me and him to figure this out, but I'm at a loss here, lol, so sorry for rambling about things you might not feel like you have much comment for.

You can't do more than your best. If that's as good as you can get it right now, don't stress too much about it.

wel, thanks. yeah, I try not to.

Can't really, I guess. I wonder if he should be able to control your body, if he can write/draw through you...
It's possible that he can't, but I would think he's not telling the truth. Someone besides you should be able to take over.

You're right, I didn't think about that. And I have been present while someone else was in control before, but it was under some extraordinary circumstances and never happened again. My body has been moved before too. I guess I have to just wait and see if its a precursor to something more full-fledged.

I still think a lot of lies are better than nothing. Most lies are based off of the truth, so you can piece some of the lies together and maybe get a little truth *shrugs*.

I guess so. I guess we need some kind of couples therapy, lol. This isnt working the way it is. I'm getting discouraged. But thanks for your input. I guess I could just use some suggestions in general. I'm not good at relating to others, let alone to those with whom I cant communicate with very well.

Sorry I took so long.

Collingwood wrote:Well after he admitted to acting like more than one alter, I feel like he's just been leading me around on a wild goose chase. He name-drops and I can hear the names and such, and wonder if these are names of alters? There have been "alters" who I got to know, but now Im afraid they were just him. He also said a lot of nice things about our relationship to each other, but his actions make me feel like a hated target, so I think like he was lying about that too. These are just the present concerns. They've been way more wild and crazy before, but I'm just trying to put that to bed. I just wonder what could it be that makes him persist? I know that no one can give me a real answer here and it will ultimately be up to me and him to figure this out, but I'm at a loss here, lol, so sorry for rambling about things you might not feel like you have much comment for.

That stinks I guess just don't put too much into talking with him. I wouldn't stop the talking, but maybe don't take it seriously until you figure out what's real and what's not. Maybe he's trying to confuse you for a reason (like he's hiding something).

Ramble as much as you want

Collingwood wrote:I guess so. I guess we need some kind of couples therapy, lol. This isnt working the way it is. I'm getting discouraged. But thanks for your input. I guess I could just use some suggestions in general. I'm not good at relating to others, let alone to those with whom I cant communicate with very well.

Therapy might be a good idea No, really... can you talk with someone who specializes in DID? They might be able to figure out what's going on.