Question: If someone's still living with..

...the person/people who are the reason the alters were created in the first place, how would that affect the alters (no current physical abuse)? Would that make them less willing to come out, just for fun?

I'm guessing the answer to the second question would be "yes". I just wanted some opinions and any thoughts you might have on the subject

My system hides from everybody, except those that we've determined and very slowly introduced to
(My best friend, boyfriend...)

I think it really depends on your system...
Mine don't come out 'for fun'... they always come out for a reason.
Usually, they are triggered.

canolime wrote:Would that make them less willing to come out, just for fun?

Do you mean, would they not even come out to have fun, or do you mean they're not coming out to be annoying because they find that fun? If the former, I would guess it's because they're still scared, even though the abuse isn't currently happening. If the latter, see my last sentence.

I think living with an abuser(s), even if they're not currently abusive, would still have everyone on high alert. Sometimes they (especially children) don't know or don't accept that it's OK and safe now. Just like adults can leave an abusive relationship, enter into a loving and gentle relationship, and still cower if their partner becomes angry regardless of knowing that this new partner will not hurt them. It's a trauma reaction. And sometimes, for those who were the ones who directly took the abuse for us, they still live in that time mentally. To them, it is very much still happening. It can take a long, long time for them to come out of that place. Some never will. But sometimes they do. I think that just depends on their own personality, alongside the way a system functions.

-Mik

Thanks, guys

I didn't mean I wanted them to be introduced to anyone... I hardly want to talk to my family, myself I meant having out time to do something they like... like maybe having the kids come out and play or something... I thought they'd like that. When I asked, they all went quiet, except for the youngest, who seemed excited to come out, but went quiet after a couple seconds (like she realized she couldn't/shouldn't)

I can't get anyone to do anything that would point to them actually being here. Maybe they don't want anyone finding evidence of them? When I made a plan with J so she could come out while I slept, I woke up to new bruises (again ). That's about as close as I get.

I'm probably doing this all wrong

TwilightInsight wrote:I would guess it's because they're still scared, even though the abuse isn't currently happening. I think living with an abuser(s), even if they're not currently abusive, would still have everyone on high alert.

You're probably right... *sigh* And just to add, there's no physical abuse, but they're still... weird... so I guess they (alters) might not want to risk getting involved...

canolime wrote:Maybe they don't want anyone finding evidence of them?

Probably they don't. D.I.D. is a very secretive thing anyhow. Most of the people who others in my system talk to are also multiple, and a very few singlets. They were created by us to act as us, during traumatic events. Even if there is no current trauma, they still rarely want the world to know about them.

canolime wrote:I'm probably doing this all wrong

There really is no right or wrong. Different things work for different systems. And it's totally normal for it to take a while to figure out what will work. And even when that does get figured out, there will still be times when things get rough. So, patience with thyself. Also, it's a group effort to get to what works best for you all. So even if it feels like you're going about it wrong, the others are too. (Neener neener neeeenerrrr.) Seriously though, it does involve everyone. Not just you. You're doing the best you can. ♥

-Mikaela

We are living with our abusers, as they are our parents and we are too young to move out.

Jordan, our youngest other, rarely comes out due to fear of our parents. He is terrified of our father in particular, and if he is in the room Jordan will make himself impossible to find.
As the rest of us are in our teens, we're slightly more able to live with our parents, though everyone flinches if they come too close by out of reflex.

-Tyler

I can't move out...yet. because of money issues.

I find myself clamming up more and more outside of home, because that's all I do at home. I put up that brick wall to stop myself from getting too close to my father because of what he's done in the past. Unfortunately, after a bit, it gets kinda hard to make that brick wall 'selective' if you know what I mean. It carries over to other parts of live. My social life is trashed because of that wall.

TwilightInsight wrote:There really is no right or wrong. Different things work for different systems. And it's totally normal for it to take a while to figure out what will work. And even when that does get figured out, there will still be times when things get rough. So, patience with thyself. Also, it's a group effort to get to what works best for you all. So even if it feels like you're going about it wrong, the others are too. (Neener neener neeeenerrrr.) Seriously though, it does involve everyone. Not just you. You're doing the best you can. ♥

Thanks, Mikaela. That made me feel better

watching&waiting wrote:We are living with our abusers, as they are our parents and we are too young to move out.

Jordan, our youngest other, rarely comes out due to fear of our parents. He is terrified of our father in particular, and if he is in the room Jordan will make himself impossible to find.
As the rest of us are in our teens, we're slightly more able to live with our parents, though everyone flinches if they come too close by out of reflex.

-Tyler

Hi, Tyler!

I'm sorry you're in that situation I hope you guys move out, as soon as you can.
I thought I'd be out, years ago

quicksilver wrote:I find myself clamming up more and more outside of home, because that's all I do at home. I put up that brick wall to stop myself from getting too close to my father because of what he's done in the past. Unfortunately, after a bit, it gets kinda hard to make that brick wall 'selective' if you know what I mean. It carries over to other parts of live. My social life is trashed because of that wall.

Yeah, I know. I forced myself not to talk, as much as possible, when I was a kid... now everyone comments on how quiet I am I have a hard time talking to people because I'm scared they'll get mad/annoyed at me (like when I was little)

canolime wrote:...the person/people who are the reason the alters were created in the first place, how would that affect the alters (no current physical abuse)? Would that make them less willing to come out, just for fun?
I'm guessing the answer to the second question would be "yes". I just wanted some opinions and any thoughts you might have on the subject

Phyxius wrote:I can only speak from our situation. It would not be a good thing at all. We would have a certain one offering up others as sacrificial lambs in order to either get them in line or do away with them. I know not every body is set up like a mafia family.

That's really not good