Advice... am I DID truly?

jacksenigma wrote:Wow, there's some really cool stuff/thoughts here that I have come upon myself and then dismissed with the assumption that I was making more of it than I should.

The name thing and the image in the mirror - I think about those CONSTANTLY, though I've never mentioned it to anyone before, not even to my wife. Well ok, we did consider changing my name legally a few years back, but I could never make up my mind what to change it to.

Glad the conversation coudl get going then I especially relate to the name thing... I'm trying really hard to get attached to my name because damnit, everyone else has a good idea of theirs and feels like it belongs to them. When I was little, I wondered how it was that most mother's could just "psychically" know which name would suit their children. Now I'm sure that the names themselves, the combination of particular sounds in a particular order, must have an effect on personality maybe?
Since you know, a lot of people with the same names tend to share characteristics... not as a rule of course, but generally, this has happened enough to have the whole "find out the meaning of your name!"-industry establish itself.

But then where does that leave the DID'd? I wonder how the alters choose their names?

All my life I have had the most bizarre and detailed dreams. My cousin once got mad when i was telling her one because " Nobody dreams that much" They would have been really disturbing sometimes except that i almost always felt like i was an observer even of myself so the emotional aspect of the dreams was diluted. The dreams were emotional, I know, but they were me/not me ya' know? The disturbing part for me was that I always felt like I never really got any sleep. I would wake up feeling like i had just run a marathon! I was just so active all night. I hated it. I was always tired. The docs would say i was tired because i was depressed. I couldnt get through to them that i was depressed because i was TIRED not vice versa. My life was very curtailed by the fatigue i always felt.

Yeah, I also have had the emotional climate almost controlled, or thats how it felt, while in the dream. Because as I reflected when I woke up, I could tell that if I had experienced the dreams' events while awake, I definitely would not have reacted the same way. Or Im not myself, but still feel strongly towards certain things that I should otherwise have no clue about. I've wondered if there are alters who are contributing to controlling how you react to certain things in the dream, intentionally setting up a stage for a play to unfold under certain, controlled conditions, in order to tell you something.

Jung's discussions on dreams conclude that the dreams are trying to express something to you, to get you to notice or understand better about something that you are missing, or will otherwise illustrate whats going on with your internal journey "towards Selfhood". So then, it must be that dream interpretation could be critical, or at least immensely helpful in understanding better if youre always confused or in a state of unrest with your situation, the way your life unfolds, what we are dealing with now (especially if you have DID). Sorry, I'm just thinking outloud Did you ever try and interpret your dreams?

But yeah, when I felt I had the least control/the craziest I've felt, I could either not sleep at all or sleep forever... without ever feeling rested People who lucid dream a lot complain about this too. Its like part of you just isn't going to sleep.

So anyway finally at age 29 one doc said maybe i had a mild case of narcolepsy and prescribed Provigil. It was like a miracle! I was on it for about a year and then didnt have any insurance. When i went off of it i was AMAZED!!! my sleep probs were like 85% reduced! I always felt that Provigil re-wired my dream part of the brain somehow. Butof course the docs that know me now are not the ones who knew me then. Oh well. Forget them. I sleep somewhat better now though its anything but normal, its still better than it used to be.

Wow did anything else go on during that year? Its good to hear that your sleep has improved

quicksilver wrote:

Collingwood wrote:It's my belief that if you're tripping and have a system of alters, they should also be subject to the trip. If they experience daily life activities differently from one another, it would make sense that they also experience drugs differently from one another too. The after effects then of course, present more potential for complications that are trickier to predict... be very careful.

That's a good way of putting it.

I've always had this fascination with DMT because of its history in native cultures (ayahuasacha sp?), but I've never tried it because I didn't think I was ready for it. If I ever do try it, it'll be in many many years when im in a much more stable point in my life.

It might be worth it to look into putting a few dollars aside now and then, to save up over the years, and eventually you'll have enough to travel to the jungle and trip with a shaman, which seems to be the safest route. You probably know about this. But it really seems like it is the way to go. I sure wish I did...

You read my mind. That's my plan exactly... when I'm an older and wiser person, I'll make the trek.