hello

hey there.

i have DID and have a few other diagnosises as well. borderline personality disorder, depression, ocd, social anxiety disorder. i'm recovered from anorexia.

anyway, i have only ever been in one other online group for people with DID. it was... not a good experience. i think that some of the people in that group were really predators, looking for vulnerable girls. i've avoided internet groups for over a year now, but lately i've been wishing pretty hard for someone to talk to. someone that understands. i've never meet someone with DID in real life, only a few online.

some details about me:
i was born twenty six years ago.
i'm a girl.
i live with my parents.
i am writing a novel and hope to one day be an author and poet.

i've heard the word "system" used. i'm not entirely at ease with that word. i have a name that covers all of us, but it is a private name that we keep between ourselves. ordinarily, we refer to ourselves as a collective as The Others.
The Others:
xxxx- this Other has the name that i am known as legally, so i'm not going to write it up. she was the "main" for a long time, but about four years ago she went to sleep and hasn't woken up. when she went to sleep, i woke and since then i have been the main.

me- my name is blake. i am often very confused when people ask how old i am. the other day my mum mentioned that i will be twenty seven this year and i was pretty shocked. i like emily strange. i like going to the movies, only the dark in the theatre bothers me. i have two dogs and a cat, but they belong to all my family. i have my very own, just mine, pet fish. her name is nixie and she lives in my bedroom. i have a psychiatrist i see twice a week and am in a day program once a week at a local mental health ward. if i was an animal i'd be a black kitten

alice- alice is my favourite. i see my different selves inside my head. do you guys do that? alice, to me, is very tale and pale. she has long, white hair and pale blue eyes. her hands are very soft. alice is very warm and gentle. when anyone is hurt or scared, it is alice who comforts and loves. sometimes alice wears a little white hat with a red cross on it, like an old fashioned nurse. alice takes care of plum. most of The Others are parts that counldn't be held inside the main person for some reason. it wasn't safe, it was too scary, some reason. alice is the part of me that loves me. i couldn't hold that inside because i hated myself so much. i also think that i wanted love and gentleness so much that alice was born. if alice was an animal, she'd be a white rabbit.

plum- plum is a little girl. i see her as having curling gold hair in pigtails. when i was little, bad things started to happen. so plum was carefully put aside, somewhere safe where she could just be a little girl and be happy. plum's favourite things are fairy tales (the real sort, grimms and hans christian anderson) and her toy puppy, cupcake. if plum was an animal she'd be a puppy.

isolde- she is the anger in me. it wasn't ok for me to feel angry. anger is not allowed in my house. so isolde got pushed out and made. isolde is in her late teens. she has long, stringy brown hair that falls over her face. her eyes are often ringed in black. isolde generally chooses to wear a hospital gown. isolde believes it is her job to protect xxxx. she does so, even if it damages Others. isolde self harms, for many reasons. sometimes to punish Others. sometimes because she is so angry that she has to do something. sometimes because it helps her feel better. sometimes just because she likes blood. the cutting has almost stopped at this point. it happens very rarely. if isolde was an animal she'd be a feral cat.

selby- selby is very pale with long dark hair. her face looks slightly blue, like she is under water. for her, every second is pain. selby is like a black hole, she sucks in everything and turns it to despair. selby hates to eat and if she can she will purge any meals. that tends to happen when i am upset or under stress. selby is like isolde's best friend. she backs her up every time and agrees with her on everything. they are a team. if selby was an animal she'd be a weasel.

portia- portia is my sexual self. portia has short, very blonde hair and red lips. i am very, very uncomfortable with relationships and sex and any kind of touching. portia is not. portia is very sensual, she loves the finer things in life: good food, good clothes and love. portia is gay (i'd say all of us that are able to identify a sexual orientation would be gay). portia currently has a very intense desire for a woman that works in the clinic i sometimes go to. portia loves to flirt and spend money. sometimes her spending can get us all into trouble. if portia was an animal, she'd be a white fox.

sif- she is my physical self. sif has long gold hair and is very tough. the first time i saw her in my head, she had her armour on and i asked if she was joan of arc. she wants to be a knight. and if she is a knight, then portia is her lady. i've never heard of anyone else having this, but portia and sif are in a relationship. they aren't exclusive, both get crushes on other women, but they always come back to each other. sif loves exercise. she is very capable. she has a lot of faith in herself. if sif was an animal she'd be a lioness.

dylan- i feel bad saying this, but i really don't like dylan. she is very... disturbing. dylan is the part of me that loves the person who sexually abuse us. she has a very young frame of mind and is often confused.

the ghost- my only male alter. he does not speak. he hurts us. he acts like an abuser and sometimes i am too scared to sleep because he is around.

and that is all of me.

Welcome to the forum Blake! ^_^ Wow, it sounds like you have a pretty good grip on your alters and their personalities. Congratulations; a lot of people don't know anything about the others. As far as avoiding internet groups, I really can't blame you because there are a lot of creepers out there. But you picked the right one this time. Everyone here is great and I've gotten some really good advice and support that I know I couldn't have gotten elsewhere. I hope you find it as helpful as I have.

Welcome, Blake!

una wrote:i see my different selves inside my head. do you guys do that?

Yep

una wrote:i am writing a novel and hope to one day be an author and poet.

Cool. Good luck


Those were very nice descriptions of everyone. I hope you enjoy it, here!

Good to see you here!

Most everyone is very helpful on this board

Everyone has their own names that seem to fit with themselves.
You don't like the word system, but use the phrase the others.
I don't like the word alters, but I use the word kids. Although I did grow to accept 'parts'.
I do use alters occasionally when talking to someone else though so they don't assume
I'm a mother.

You have a very good grasp of your others.
I see what my kids look like inside, too. You can also see your kids as being specific animals,
I can see my kids as being specific colors. We're all very unique.

Welcome to the boards

hello im Victoria the self welcome to the forums everybody is here to help and only help

Mai is 6 and can be hard to understand at times you'll probably recoginize if it's her or not (she can be helpful and she also isnt at times haha)
Vitya is manipulative, cold, rude, and distances herself from most people besides our bestfriend anything she says will be to cut you down
Rozalina helpful and caring, shes the neat freak and perfectionist, but in a good way

we will help to the best of our extent like everybody else on these forums

Welcome!