Eating Disordered Alter?

There are six of us altogether. I am the host, C. Unfortunately, the problem of an alter, and her unending quest to be "perfect" and "thin" is affecting all of us. The system is a size 2, occasionally a size 0, at 5' 5". E will not stop until we hit size 00. She will lie, trick, deceive, and harm, although she is such a lovely and charming young woman. She has done this self-abuse for so long and I am so exhausted from the lies and the trouble and how much it has cost everyone. I try to bargain with her by working out 6x a week for 60 minutes and lifting weights 3x a week and taking up daily activities that burn calories. I'm not sure the last time I had a day without exercise, and I know she is sneaking it in. I catch flashes of it.

I also am pretty sure she's abusing laxatives because we've had "stomach problems" now twice this week. I can't communicate how exhausting this is. F, an older wiser guy, and K, a younger man, have decided to stop E from getting on the scale. In turn, she has gone completely berserk. She has burned our throat with Apple Cider Vinegar trying to burn excess fat. We are physically exhausted, sore, and sick of her. We have no clue how to approach this anymore. Has anyone gone through anything similar?

Similar? No. But I do know when a person needs to put their foot down when I see them. And you need to stop compromising and reasoning and just tell her enough is enough. You do NOT have to be any skinnier. Make that VERY clear to her. Physically restrain her if you have to! Also tell her no REAL man enjoys a girl whose ribs stick out. In fact, that's incredibly icky.

Mr. Bates wrote:Also tell her no REAL man enjoys a girl whose ribs stick out. In fact, that's incredibly icky.

Often that's what someone who deals with this wants... to never be "enjoyed" again.

We have several disordered eaters here. Myself included, though not nearly as badly as others. If I'm unable to eat or unable to eat without purging, someone who is OK with food will come out and eat and stay out until it's too late to purge. They tend to check in with me to see how I'm doing because sometimes it's just the eating part that is too much and I can deal with the rest. We do this with all of our disordered eaters. I do agree with Mr. Bates about not compromising with her. Placating her will only teach her that she can get away with a lot of really unhealthy behaviors. Make a firm rule about not over-exercising, not starving, not abusing laxatives, and do not let her bend those rules. She will act out at first to test the boundaries, but if you don't let her get away with it she will quickly realize that she's not in charge here. Being a size 2, 0 or 00, especially if your body is not naturally that small when healthy, will not keep you all safe. Be sure she knows this. While her desire may be to disappear and/or never attract attention again, it will absolutely attract attention because people who attack women in parking lots and things are looking for that small woman. She can't fight back. You all need to be physically healthy and strong in order to be protected, not fragile. Make sure she know this, as well. If she needs support and to post here, many with DID also have an eating disorder and we would be glad to support her in her confusion, anger and fears, as well as in learning to be healthy.

-Mikaela

If I'm unable to eat or unable to eat without purging, someone who is OK with food will come out and eat and stay out until it's too late to purge. They tend to check in with me to see how I'm doing because sometimes it's just the eating part that is too much

I'm the same. It's something new that i am having trouble dealing with (I.e That someone else is taking over the eating part of the day plus time right up until i go to work to stop me purging) But i think it is something positive. I have put on 3 kilos and everyone says i look great although again as Mikaela says that is not something i want. After everything that has happened i don't want any attention from men and already it is something for me to deal with.

I am slowly starting to try and love myself and accept that if i look better it is for me, not just aesthetically but also healthwise, i am stronger and have more energy and with that i can do more things. I have let go of exercise for awhile. I will return to it when i can without obsessing. I have also thrown out the bathroom scales.

I think it really is a positive thing that one of the others is trying to help me. It also reflects a process of more communication that is beginning between us all,

Good luck

There are 3 of us with eating disorders in my system. Alaina & I are bulemic & Ker has B.E.D because Ker does most of the eating in our system we're overweight (which I'm sure you can understand does crazy things to your head).

There's always someone around at meal times to make sure we eat & don't purge, mostly I eat & Josh makes sure it stays in. I agree with Mik that you can't compromise on this. There needs to be a set, strict rule about working out, eating etc. Our systems not perfect but we're getting there.