Hi ^_^

Hello everyone, this is Hail. I just registered after lurking here for a few days. I'm almost certain that I have DID, although I am not diagnosed yet. My counselor and psychiatrist tells me that it definitely sounds like I have dissociation. The thing is that I haven't told my psychiatrist yet about my suspicion of having DID. I've noticed it a few times during this week, and so I am concerned as to what I really could have.

I'm a young teen, although I heard that DID mostly occurs in adults. The reason why I think I have it is because whenever I go to my counselling sessions, it's as if something takes over me. My voice changes, mannerisms are different, and I start to talk about myself in third-person. Yesterday, I was talking to one of the counselors at my school, and then it had happened again. I started to act differently, lightly hitting my head on the wall to calm myself down. Although, I didn't feel that it was me. It was as if I were a nine year old. I started to cry, saying that I didn't want Hail (me) to take over. The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is the fact that whenever I'm like this (whenever the child is in control), I still get glimpses of what she does when I'm not in control. She came up with her own name; Alice. Also, I don't get severe memory loss... could that potentially stop me from getting a diagnoses? Alice is afraid of me, so she says.

I've been emotionally hurt by a family member many times throughout my life, to the point of where I get somewhat scared whenever this person comes over. Could this be a reason as to why I have an alter? I'm uncertain if it could have classed as abuse, since my family tells me that my cousin and I were just kids when it used to happen. *May trigger * Also, this cousin (the person that had emotionally hurt me) had tried to make me have sex with him when we were around the age of 6-7.

Anyways, I've never really made an introduction like this on a forum O_O ,

Hail

Hi Hail,
I don't have much time to reply, but just a quick reaction to "you were only kids". That is really just not an argument or reason for whether you have experienced something as abusive, and whether that has 'scarred' you. There are many arguments that downplay how something can affect somebody, including "what happened to my sister (or other people) was worse" or "I enjoyed it myself". So it's good that you're here and are trying to figure out what is going on. Since you are already seeing people that are helping you, the best thing really is just to bring it up with either or both of them, unless you have specific reasons to think that they may not understand you at all. That you get anxious/confused when this happens is understandable. It may take time to get a correct diagnosis, and experience on the part of the people you are seeing. It sounds like you might be concerned that they'll say to you there is nothing wrong with you (like your family also seems to do), while you feel otherwise. Trust yourself! If you feel something is not right or has hurt you, it is worth finding out where that feeling comes from!
Good luck.

Thanks Pob for the reply. My parents and counselor are the only people that are aware of the potential DID, although I don't know if they are going to look into it completely.

On another note, I still haven't found what triggers Alice. She usually comes out during the counseling sessions. Also, does anyone have experience with an alter that is afraid of the main personality?

Hello Hail,

The way you switch sounds a bit like me, I don't blackout and at most can only feel a jolt through my head, When my I go through the others' memories it's like going through a film archive.

Stress might be what triggers Alice. Do you like your counselor? She may also only want to talk to the counselor if she's afraid of you.
Have you tried talking to her? Early on their can be trouble communicating, but if you address her she may hear you even she doesn't reply. I don't know about fearing a main personality, but I did fear another alter in my system early on.

Lacaan

I do like my counselor and so does Alice. It seems that the only person that she will actually talk to is the professionals. I've tried talking to her, although she cowers away whenever I try. One time when she had switched to me, I could see her crying because of someone in her mind that kept asking her questions. She says that it was me, yet I don't remember trying to push her out of control and asking things when she was in charge.

Hail