DID or convenient excuse?

Early on in my relationship with my S.O. she told me that she had been diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder and dysthymia at an early age (about 12) and that she suffered from ptsd, all resulting from childhood sexual abuse and a sexual assault in later childhood. I did some research on the topics and thought I had a basic awareness of symptoms and treatments available. With some encouragement she eventually started seeing a psychiatrist. (At this point I should point out that she had mentioned on a few occasions that she had studied abnormal psychology starting about the time she said that she had been diagnosed, and that she felt as though she could manipulate the results of just about any psychological screening.)
Her new psychiatrist screened her and what she "presented" with was ptsd and dissociative identity disorder. It was at this time that my s.o. related to me a history of d.i.d. that included six named identities and a description each of them which was to an extent confirmed by someone who had been close to her at the time. She told me that she had worked on her own to integrate the identities and thought that she had pretty much fixed the problem.
It was during this same time period that some of her behavior became a concern to me. An ex s.o. of hers had moved to town and she quickly became involved in some infidelity with him. She also appeared to engage in a great deal of flirting with people online and telling tall tales to them. At one point she admitted to the infidelity, and at a later time contradicted herself. As time went on the pattern of contradicting statements or viewpoints on other issues emerged, as well as a pattern of inability to remember statements or conversations accurately or not at all. Only two of the identities that she described to me caused memory blackouts. One who generally tried to get people to kill her, and one who was "a party girl" who was sexually promiscuous and a drinker. Eventually, over a period of several months, her behavior became more "normal" but now, a year later, she claims to not remember much of what transpired during that period and cites the d.i.d. saying that my reaction to her behavior during the period caused her stress and exacerbated the symptoms, and still seems to have occasional difficulty remembering some conversations accurately and still tends to contradict herself on occasion. She stopped seeing her psychiatrist several months ago ostensibly because of not being able to afford the co-pays, but later on she said that she didn't feel as though the sessions were helping her at all.
My question is: Is it more likely that she is a person genuinely suffering from d.i.d. or based on her self study is d.i.d. a convenient excuse for impulse behavior that she doesn't feel able to justify otherwise? The reason I question the situation in this way is that her early diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder pre-dated her self study into abnormal psychology. If I were to assume that to have been a correct diagnosis, then it might make sense to see the other behavioral disorders as a sort of masquerade that justifies the histrionic behavior. What do you all think?

I think its impossible for us to know. But you should know that a lot of people with DID are misdiagnosed- often several times before the correct diagnosis is found. Also, A lot of therapists apparantly can't handle a diagnosis of DID, even when it is handed to them. So, maybe the therapy wasn't going well. And the contradictions could be her trying to make sense of or feeling like she has mastered her own DID, which is a difficult thing to sometimes accept. Just my thoughts....

Hi,

well first of all I'm pretty sure she didn't integrate when she said she did. She may vey well have believed she had, but integration takes a lot of time and energy and can be extremely dificult. It may have felt like integration, or she made her alters "go away" so that the problem would be "fixed" and you wouldn't have to worry about her.
-Bob

I don't think she's acting, in my personal opinion. If she intended to use DID as an excuse, she wouldn't have said she'd integrated. This makes little sense from an excuse point of view. Integration would mean she would be "normal", one single personality. It would have been much more convenient to say she still had problems with it, and more believable since people generally don't integrate that quickly and easily after being Dx'd. However, with her understanding of psychology she may have done that for the very reason that it would give her credibility. But that might be reading too much into it.
-Thing

For now, at least, give her the benefit of the doubt. If she's faking, she won't be able to keep it up consistently for long. If this is real, then she needs your support, not your doubt.
-Katie

I agree with Zombeenie. The experience you have and describe sounds to me very much like dissociative processes are at play.
Your question: is this genuine DID or is it a convenient excuse for behavior that cannot otherwise be justified?
To me, HPD is just a bunch of descriptive characteristics which don't explain anything, no mechanisms, and no specific causes, just as with BPD. How would you feel if people at work think you are a liar? How would you start feeling if your friends think you're acting phony? These diagnoses are not a matter of some math and plussing and minussing. Personally, I would be insulted if someone was trying to analyze me in terms of HPD or masquerading like something else. I think HPD, BPD, bipolar and many other labels are barely any more realistic/explanatory than that someone is a Taurus or a Leo or a Sagittarius.

I have to agree that it would seem unlikely that all of the different identities were conjured up to provide an excuse for unacceptable behavior. Most of her identities actually didn't function that way. I brought the question up more to exclude an unlikely possibility than anything else. I love her deeply and will continue to make every effort in supporting her, which will include encouragement to seek another therapist who may work better for her.

In beginning to understand DID last year I transitioned from anger over her behavior to fear of what [i]any[i] loss of control over her decision making processes or loss of memory no matter how short the duration or the circumstances. Like most people I am uncomfortable with anything that can't be squeezed into some kind of logical paradigm. I appreciate the input and welcome any advice you all may have for dealing with this. It does seem true that she overestimates her level of integration at times and I feel continued therapy with a competent professional would benefit her. I also feel that if were better educated I would be of more benefit to her in day to day life.

An interesting thought from a family member who has been in a position to see her when she was totally dis-integrated (and drinking heavily at the same time): When asked to how often or to what degree he sees any signs of her separate identities now: "I don't even see shades of it any more." Where I can compare last year when she was having some difficulty to now and see definite improvement, I still see subtle signs that she is struggling with it. In a way I'm glad I never saw it at it's worst, but also wish I had more experience with it. Thank you all for your thoughts.