New Change in my System

It's finally gotten to the point where I realize I don't want to lose my loved one to stress and burnout,
so I decided to work out a plan with my kids and take charge. This has come after a lot of therapy and self-work.
(Please note this was not an easy decision nor does it happen easily.)

My new job is to be the one on the 'out' at all times. This involves constant inside talk, reassurance I can handle things,
and suggestions from the kids on the inside.
My job is to be the adult, to be the grown up, and protect all my kids on the inside.
To do all the talking and to do all the sticking up for us, no matter how scary or hard it is.
I've got lots of support from the kids.
I wouldn't be able to do this without the kids giving me support. It took a long time to get to the point where
they would trust me with something like this.
It's hard to be the main support, the counselor, the person who runs the outside all at once, how do singletons do it, I have
no idea.

The problem is trying to learn to live a 'normal' life. It's been six and a half days (I think) since I've been out. There have
been some struggles for the surface/the driver's seat so I have to pay extra close attention to what everyone needs and wants.
It's absolutely exhausting. I had no idea time moved so slowly.
I'm used to the clock jumping an hour at a time. Now it's like every time I look at the clock, it's been a few minutes!
I can tell someone what I've been doing the past week. Throughout the day. What I've had for breakfast.
But I'm quickly burning out.
It's incredibly tiring to be the one on the outside when you're so used to only being out a few hours a day.
I'm sleeping up to 16 hours a day to compensate.
It's becoming more and more difficult to have the drive to be the adult in the situation, to be the one on the out
for the first time. I'm so used to having someone else do things for me when I'm tired. I'm used to the kids
dealing with tough situations. It's rough adjusting. However, I don't want to give up.
They always stuck through it for me when times got tough. So I want to do the same for them.
I just don't know how to deal with this! I'm so tired!

I'm finding that the more tired I get, 'someone' starts leaking out. The weirdest part is I'm present for the whole thing.
I've still got control of the body, but so do they. I think it has a lot to do with me being tired.
This someone is very angry and it wants to hurt or cut up things. It's a really strange thing to be there while it's around.
I try to talk to it, ask it what's wrong, ask if I can do anything, but it's so hard to make out what it's saying.
Does anyone have any advice?

How to be less tired? Better manage the situation? Maybe how to talk to this part that is hard to reach?

Thank you very much for your time.

I can't do it anymore. I just can't.
Maybe I'm not built for staying out all the time, or maybe I'm just not used to it.
I was so tired, that one of my littles woke up yesterday.
However, I was co-conscious during this.

I wonder if it's impossible to stay 'one person out' all the time,
maybe I have to take shifts or something. I was sleeping so much it was unbearable.
I managed to stay 'out' for almost a week. But the exhaustion makes me believe that maybe
it's unreasonable to do so.
I'm going to see my therapist soon. Thank god.

Hi,

that was very nice of you to try to unburden your alter. I'm sorry it's been so tough for you. Taking shifts might be a good idea so that neither of you get too stressed. Kevin and I take shifts a lot, especially when there's a lot of work to be done and neither of us wants to do it all he and I are the same age, so it makes it easier to switch off without people outside realizing. Maybe this could work for you.
Try to take it easy. Make sure you set aside relaxation time for you and your alters, and check in with everyone regularly.

-Katie

Hi Broken Mirror,
I broke off my reply to you yesterday. I was thinking you went just a bit too far deciding only one is out forever from now on. I sometimes feel that optimistic and organized and inspired, but it doesn't work that way. Sleeping 16 hours a day, yeah, that's off balance. I have no real answer on how to do this though. When my therapist suggested that I am a responsible adult throughout the week, and keep the kids for sessions, I was mind-boggled. If I could do that, I would not be in therapy.
I guess it's worth trying, but at the same time you have to be realistic, patient and forgiving.
Good luck, and take it easy.

Hi, this is S. This is my first time posting here.

I've been taking shifts and keeping the regular poster here updated on what is going on so she
doesn't lose time.
So far, she hasn't gotten tired today and her back and neck pains that started around the same time
she decided to try and stay out vanished.

She really, really wanted to try and save her relationship. I think they're both expecting too much.
It was a good try but I think it's unrealistic. It was basically a desperate attempt to make things easier on
her burnt out boyfriend. She gave it her best shot. Didn't work. I'm gonna work harder trying to help out.
We're not even sure how we're 'supposed' to function, so I guess we'll just go with whatever works.
And her sweetheart will just have to get used to it, I guess.
I really, really hope I don't mess this up again.
I'm trying to be helpful.

I guess we don't know what really works. No one has really had any suggestions before.
I gotta change a lot too. It's really really hard.
Well I guess it's off to bed. I really hope he can deal with us taking shifts.
I mean, it's our fault that they aren't close anymore.
It's too much for his mind to wrap around.
I really hope things work out. I'm already feeling terrible.

~S

i don't think it's safe for her to post on here.
i don't like her posts.
can i delete her posts. or should i leave them be
i don't like other people looking at us.

I don't like people looking at me either. I get really upset if I so much as think someone is staring at me. But bottling it up is so much worse. That's experience talking there. She needs to get everything off her chest. She needs to talk it out and relieve the pressure build up. Coming out full time like she's suddenly doing... I feel it's not just unrealistic, but also a bad idea. You need to build up your strength and replenish your reserves. Instead of going all at once, take it just a few extra hours a day. Work your way up to being able to stay out an entire day without exhausting yourself, kick back for a few days to what was normal, then try again while adding on an extra hour or two. Better written: How long can you stay out without exhausting yourself? Let's just say you can do it for 24 hours. Then stay out for that amount of time, but no longer, and return to the normal schedule for a day or a few days depending on how much you need to recharge. After that rest period, stay out for 24 hours again, but this time add on another hour or two. Then repeat all of this, constantly adding on just a little bit of time. You'll burn your loved one out more with your sky rocketing stress levels of instantly staying out all of the time, then with slowly (maybe even VERY slowly) working your way up. The best help is to not rush this and remember to get everyone in the loop.

Just my two cents worth... Hope it helps a little bit.

Well I've given up on the idea of trying to stay out.
It sounded like a good idea at the time. I realized quickly that it was not possible (and my therapist agrees it wasn't the best choice).
However I have found a way to relieve stress for me and my boyfriend, and I do work co-consciously with two of my alters.
The other ones I just try to assure and help through their process as well.
I'm finding the outdoors a great place. I'm learning I'm not meant for city life and it brought me so much wisdom
to get away for a while and relax. I'm seeing things in a new light now.

I had a pet die recently, and with her death she released the blockage in my heart I had created when I was very young
when I promised I would never love another animal. My little friend had died when I needed him the most and I was unable
to grieve. With her death I finally was able to love fully again, and I am grieving both their deaths fully.
It has made me more compassionate towards my boyfriend and it is preparing me for the upcoming death of a parent
(fatal diagnosis).

Sadness isn't always a bad thing I'm starting to learn. I'm going to make sure my kids grieve too.

I recommend that no one tries to force themselves out full time full blast like I did. It really hurt!
Thanks for all your concern and comments.

I realized one of my kids posted that they don't like to be seen. And another is feeling terrible.
It's time for me to buckle down and to ensure we all get our needs fulfilled.

I had someone have an experience in meditation the other day and thought of me.
That person said I have to accept and cherish my kids for what they are and the goal is to work together.
This person doesn't know anything about my condition other than the name and basic gist of it.
So it was nice that they thought of me.
I have to be more patient and loving and accepting towards ALL the parts of me. <3