very confused

3 yrs back had complete break down didnt sleep for 6 wks,angel told me to set fires etc allways at 3 am,eventually nieghbours took me into hsp,i was living in tent i front garden cos of the ghosts etc in house,at first,for last 3 yrs was p schiz,then they added DID,now im not schiz,after therapy.and the new care plan(i'd met this cpn for like 2o mins over 4 mnths)says "apparently"lisa hears voices,i just wanted answers why im this wy.they seem to now not believe in my voices or seeingthings,probably down as attention seeking i guess.it's neverending.they dont have any answers for me.yet i've been refused to see my med records,and they wont say i havn't got DID,which at least then i'd know where i stand,sorry,just can't cope anymore.

mshyde wrote:3 yrs back had complete break down didnt sleep for 6 wks,angel told me to set fires etc allways at 3 am,eventually nieghbours took me into hsp,i was living in tent i front garden cos of the ghosts etc in house,at first,for last 3 yrs was p schiz,then they added DID,now im not schiz,after therapy.and the new care plan(i'd met this cpn for like 2o mins over 4 mnths)says "apparently"lisa hears voices,i just wanted answers why im this wy.they seem to now not believe in my voices or seeingthings,probably down as attention seeking i guess.it's neverending.they dont have any answers for me.yet i've been refused to see my med records,and they wont say i havn't got DID,which at least then i'd know where i stand,sorry,just can't cope anymore.

You are this way, because the whole world is the way it is.

There is never a single cause for anything. Take the computer screen infront of you. It is not there and this way because of the manufacturer who made it. It is also this way because you are this way, because the room that you are in is this way, because the electricity is this way, because the person sitting next to you or the person who lives in the house is the way he/she is. It is because you have a room - a house - money - government - shops, truck and seas, clouds, rain, oil rigs, petrol, eyes - legs and parents - that you have a computer screen infront of you. The whole world, in countless different ways has made it possible for you to be sitting in front of a computer screen - and read what you are reading.

Get the point!

Now, in the same way - you are this way because the whole world is this way. So, relax. It is the mind that wants to know why...Because the mind thinks that if it knew why....it will be able to control it. That is a fallacy of mind.

Mind itself is the culprit. It, itself is the thief - and it is also acting as the police officer who is trying to catch the thief. It's not possible.

Do not worry much about what happened years ago - or even this morning. That is gone. Do not concern yourself with what will happen tomorrow either. That will be. Just relax now.

Read or listen to 'The power of now', by Eckhart Tolle. Learn to relax and enjoy. There is no need to suffer.

Don't give up.

I've had similar experiences in the UK and Italy with a diagnosis being made by 2 different pyschologists of DID yet when i had times of difficulty and was put into a "clinic" the psychiatrists and the psychologist there decided that yes like you "apparently" i was hearing voices and acting like other people "ficticiously" They gave me a prescription for a medicine they use for schizophrenia and nobody is saying anything.They diagnosed me as having borderline personality disorder and schizophrenia in the UK. I have no idea if they believe there is something wrong with me or not but now i have realised that actually it doesn't matter. They are obviously not the right people to help me so i have begun to look elsewhere.

I went to this clinic the last time on Monday and the angry one was so upset after we left that he took loads of medication and drunk a bottle of wine whilst he was out and i almost died.

Now i've decided to quit all doctors, therapy etc apart from going once a week to see my supportive psychologist and work internally with her on communication and creating some kind of order inside.

I think that maybe instead of trying to get answers from the outside world we should try first looking and asking inside. Someone there may be able to tell us something useful that we can then use to understand a little better our own system.

I wrote letters to the few alters that i know. One wrote back with loads of information that i didn't know about. She was in touch with the others much more than me. The angry one gave me a mouthful of abuse but i have started to understand where his anger is coming from and his purpose in my life.

The battle continues but at least with this site i know i am not alone. Others further along their healing journey (or confrontation) will probably be able to help you more.

Just don't give up. Life can be beautiful and things can get better. You need support, from your "selves" from friends / family if there is anyone that knows the situation and is there for you and eventually if necessary the right therapist, analyst etc. They are out there, they just need to be found i guess.

Lots of love

Skye