one alter's inappropriate behavior *TRIGGERING*

Like I said Pob, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, I'll carry on regardless. It's not controlling, mean, pouty pouty, boot camp. It's "I'm offering you real answers, if you don't like them because they're not friendly enough for your tastes, don't use them. I'm not going to force you to, but I'm not going sit here either and tolerate being called a scumbag and have someone who doesn't even know me question my level of compassion because you don't have thicker skin."

Don't tell me how to do my job. Yes, I'm laying down the law, the villain that I am. Do NOT tell me how to do my job.

Kim, try not humoring Andrew. And your therapist should follow suit. Every time he says something foul, just say "Yeah, that's great Andrew, but why don't we talk about you instead?" Eventually it's going to stop being fun for him, and hopefully he'll open up just to get it over with. He's obviously in a lot of pain, but refuses help. But if you stop humoring his bad behavior, you basically eliminate his only defense, so he might as well talk.


Does that answer work for everyone? Do I need anyone else's approval? Can I please do my job the way I've been doing it for the past several years?

Mr. Bates, thank you for your advise on Andrew. And for the record...No one ever called you a scumbag. And I did say I was sorry for Richard thinking you lacked compassion for the underlying facts of DID. And I never tried to tell you how to do your job, and I never would.

Tell me, Mr. Bates, are you a,"self," or a, "part?" Just curious really.


Kim

The scumbag part felt strongly implied. The job part was directed at Pob.

Moving on, now that things are hunky dorey

I'm the core of my system. The original, so I guess a "self"*. Definitely not an alter. While I can only remember fragments of fragmented memories before 12, the feelings of remembering personal experiences are too strong to have been an alter's memories. Also the fact my alters hold the memories of my abuse from me is also a clue-in. I actually have a map of my entire system, current and former alters, posted on this forum about a million years ago. I can dig that up for you if you'd like to learn a little more about me.

*Honestly never heard the terminology "self" or "part" used in DID in the context you're asking, so I might be misunderstanding what it is you're asking.

dissociative-identity/topic13101.html here you go, all about me, a lot of this gets elaborated in much later posts more as I learned more about myself over these past 4 years (so feels much longer).

My basic approach to life, B, is to strive for cooperation. I understand the 'take it or leave it' attitude, and there certainly is some validity to it. But if you are a caring person, and no reason to doubt that, then why not deliver the message in a package that can be received and unwrapped? Who, after all, are you doing your doing-as-a-caring-person for, if it's not getting across because of the delivery?

So, considering the second part of your answer: you understand that very well too.

I still have trouble with my angry parts so I don't have a definite answer for you.
I do find however that my parts usually get angry when I'm either ignoring their signals
or continuing with a situation I feel uncomfortable in without saying anything.
If I react right away, get out of the situation or say that I'm uncomfortable they usually calm down.
If I don't they can explode and then I won't hear the end of it for days.
It's good to become more self-aware of situations you don't feel safe or comfortable in and to take
action right away.

There is a book I've been reading (One of many) that might help.
It's called the Internal Family Systems Therapy by Richard C. Schwartz.
It's written for everyone, even those without DID and it's non invasive.
As always reading through books can be a trigger (I usually get hazy when I start getting close to something)
so if you decide to look through the book proceed with caution and make sure you are safe.

We're still working on directing our anger appropriately and what to do with it.
To start we've been asked to nurture a seed into a full plant.
I hope you find the answer you're looking for!

Mr. Bates, I never really have liked the term, "alter." To me it has a negative meaning...Not sure why I feel that way, so I use the term, "part." My therapist also referes to them sometimes as, "parts." Thank you for the information on your system. I have not looked at it as of yet, but I will.

Broken_mirror, thank you for the book suggestion, although in the past when I have tried to read books about DID, they have been triggering and I usually end up putting the book down. But I will look into this one. I do want help for my system, although I'm not too sure of how much I actually care about them, that is up for debate. I have been in therapy for eight years, and at times I have felt like things are getting better, but then things usually end up taking a turn for the worse. I as well as some other parts, have a very dificult time talking about feelings and of the past. As of yet, we are not ready to face the past. Whenever I get close to those memories, I switch to a blank space in my head, or to another part who immediately changes the subject. I have some memories of the past, but not many. Even good memeories. My family will talk about good things from childhood and I'm like, "What, I don't remember that?" It's very frustrating not knowing, as I'm sure you all know. My parts hold the majority of the memories. I do have flashbacks quite often as well as nightmares. I can't remember the last time I actually slept.

Do any of you smell things? I have this smell I smell quite often, it's the smell of seamen. I never knew what the smell was until I had consenual sex for the first time. I hadn't smelled it for a while until I joined this site. I am also in the survivors of sexual abuse and incest forum. I'm wondering if I should stay out of that one since it seems to be triggering. I had never read any stories of other survivors before. I told my therapist that I had joined, and she thinks it's a good thing for me to relate to other poeple with similar situations as well as with DID.

Broken_mirror, I too have a lot of trouble with anger. I just can't show it or express it, although my parts sure as hell can! My parts get angry and react, and for me it turns to sadness. I'm not sure what that is, it just happens.

My therapist has been talking about starting a small group for people with DID and asked me if we would be interested in joining. Any of you have any thoughts on this?

Well, I seem to have gotten myself off track a bit, I'm sorry about that.


Kim

p.s. Mr. Bates, again, I'm sorry Richard questioned your ability to show compassion, I'm sure he meant no disrepsect as that is usually not his way.

TOUCHDOWN!!!! she has locked herself in her room! even put up two new walls and a new door without a window! so she couldn't hear everyone. richard made her do it. unfortunately he is now in charge. she was way outta control. she found out some info from molly's explicite drawings that she never knew about and it really turned her upside down. her emotions she usually stuffs are all outta control. aawwww, poor self, let me cry a ######6 river for her. she couldn't handle all the flashbacks and the smell of seamen and the nightmares flooding her all at once. i'm just so broken up about it...hahahaha

andrew the bastard

p.s. now i get to come out with out breaking out and blocking everyone....let the fun begin!!

Not sure what to say to that Andrew, other than you should be actually supportive of the self, seeing as the purpose of parts is to HELP the system, not act like a bratty little kid. Doesn't help anybody, sport, not even yourself.

Agree Mr. Bates. Whoever is out should always try to remember that other parts/alters have a supportive function, and focus on that. I find that the purpose of unhealthy, scoffing, or very unsocial behavior is to keep people/others at a distance and protect the system as a whole. So that behavior tends to get worse when the system feels threatened/is making progress. The job then is to find out what the specific fear is. If you don't understand that, the destructive behavior gets worse.