Silence

Well, its a start, lol

I meditated today. It usually helps clear my head. I sought out the wall that has been put up between me and my alters. It's huge; much bigger than I am and too big for me to break down. I found Laia. I demanded she remove it since I know she's the one who "built" it. Instead of telling me no, she made it transparent for a moment. Behind that wall stood not only Laia, Avana, and Emily. Behind that wall there are at least 15 others all scrambling and fighting to get out. There were children, adolescents, teenagers, adults - everyone vying for recognition and freedom. Avana gave me the most apologetic look while she counted heads and wrote things down. Emily was distracting the other children by trying to play a game or something. Laia was barking orders for organization and union. A was somewhere in there, I'm sure. Probably just kickin' it in the back as usual, taking pleasure in Laia's new found responsibility. I was so terrified, I yelled something out - don't remember what, but Eden was like "What? What is it? What happened?" so I can only assume it reflected my feelings.

Is it possible that everything was a false illusion? Is it possible that, in my meditated state, I was fooled? Or is this real? And if it's real and they put the wall up to protect me, why would they let me see what lie beyond it? ...yeah, I hope I don't sound like a crazy person.

Sounds very real. They showed you so you could see they're still all there. You were worried they left completely. But they didn't.

I kinda agree with Bates, it sounds real. Not really sure what to suggest. Hope you're ok tho.
- Ker

I'm dealing with similar stuff. I think they were showing you that they were still there, because that's what you wanted to be reassured of. My tdoc keeps promising me that they never show me something I can't handle. Laia made it transparent, instead of taking it down completely, because she knew it would scare you.

So deep breaths. You got a glimpse, and you have some time to process what you saw. I'm sure when you are ready, the others will come forward.