DX DID need advice

Hi to everyone

Have recently DX with DID after many years of going around in circles, the person we work with the psychologist seems okay we have had six/seven session, now she is attempting to get us to experiment using I and me and not we or us just feel a lot of pressure to be somone we are not is this right or are we being over sensitive

eaven

Hey Eaven (and all the others) *wave*
Hope you are all doing well.
We (me if that helps lol) see that you feel pressured to start refferring to yourselves as singular (one person) rather than a plural (many). Some of the worst times in our life has been when we started beleiving we were not real and we wre just one person seriously decieved. Most (if not every single one) of the professionals we have spoken to have treated us this way (that we are not real and only one person). This is a seriously difficult condition for someone to understand properly if the ydo not live with it.
For us it is hard enough to all be expressing ourselves - our needs and desires and wants with only one vessel without having people telling us to just pretend we are not real (and thus not express ourselves). Some of the most tormenting times in our life has been when we have been buried down deep because people told us (or commande dus in some instances) to stop calling ourselves by other names and just be the person who is on the birth certificate.
Indeed, when we were 5 or so our adopted parents rejected us all so deeply - by commanding us to cease mentioning other names and just be the person they had named us, that we were forced to create a new alter to be able to live this life with our new parents (as they wouldn't accept any of us). The new alter we had to make was completely amnesiac and for 20 years had no idea he lived with hundreds of others. This had to happen because we were rejected repeatedly and unable to express ourselves.
Now as of last year that dominant alter finally woke up and discovered the others he lives with and now we are all mostly working together, and getting more and more able to express ourselves and find peace (for us it is in Jesus Christ).
Since the time our amnesiac alter woke up we have been repeatedly attacked by people (professionals, friends, and family) to stop being who we are and just be the person they can see (our body and the person on our birth certificate - which is not even our real name we should add). These attacks have been deeply wounding and we have been close to giving up on life many times. It seems no sooner have we gotten relatively recovered form the last attack and rejection that another would come from best freinds, or others. We have come to a place where we no longer put up with this stuff.
We are who we are and we are this way because we had to become many in order to survive what happened to us. If people don't like it or can't handle it then it is their problem.
For us we are very blessed because God calls us by our names and shows us love - and heals us of our painful memories. most people refuse to call us by name.
We believe that there is a reason why we feel uncomfortable referring to ourselves as 'I' it is because we are 'we' and nothing will change that. It is obvious you guys are multiple and not just one person and we believe you. If you feel pressured then we suggest (since you asked) that you do not go along with it.
Our personal opinion of this sort of thing that you say your counsellor is trying with you is that people will rather get you to act normal than deal with the huge pain you must be carrying. It is also probably because this person doesn't really believe you guys are real individual people. If this person truly understood you guys they would NOT try to shut you all away.
We encourage you (from one multiple to another) to not cave in to this pressure to be easily referenced as 1 person.
However in saying that, it is also wise to come to an agreement amongst yourselves to refer to yourselves as "I" or "me" in public around people who are just going to be confused because they only see your body. For us we refer to ourselves as "I" or "me" in most public encounters and it isn't hard for us (usually though sometimes it still hurts) because usually there is one alter who is in control at the time and it is that one alter who is speaking to the outside world when in public and so that alter will naturally be able to refer to themself as "I" or "me" won't they ?
We know how desperately you guys may want to each be recognized by people but the unfortunate reality is most people will not understand. The ones who do are a blessing. So don't hide away behind I or me but in public around people who don't understand learn how to work together in such a way that the dominant alter at the time can refer to themselves as I or me (hope you understand hehe).
We find that this works well but there is still the pain of being called by our birth certificate name when in fact we all have different names. For eg: in public Charlotte is controlling the body at the time (and talking to people). Charlotte knows she is Charlotte and the others all know she is Charlotte. Charlotte is in control so she can say to the people we meet "Hi how are you ? I myself am fine thankyou" and they are none the wiser. But if they say "what is your name?" we have to tell them the name on our birth certificate or else things do not work properly lol (especially if you need to fill out forms and stuff). When this happens Charlotte (who is in control at the time) has to say "my name is ***** nice to meet you". This is usually painful for us all because it is not true (though it is not lying either) but we have to go through with it in order to survive in this world. Dealing with the world in this way however does not at all mean we are pushing ourselves down under a lie like somepeople would like us to do - it is just being wise. Even as we go through our day like this we are all constantly talking with one another whether it be internally or with our mouth. We never cease to be a plural.
Hope our ranting brings you support
We love you gys and God bless you all
From Vaden, Charlotte and a few others
Cya

Wow, somebody had a lot to say .

Welcome to you both!

Eaven, let me say this: Get out of there now. That lady is going to do more damage than good. She's leading your group towards forced intergration; which, from my own very personal experiences and from watching a few others who didn't listen to me go through, does NOT end well. Do not let this quack convince you that being a singleton is "normal" or even a "neccessity". A good doctor will work towards helping you establish a stable system, and only work towards intergration when you and your others feel ready. If you force it, you'll just mess your head up even more. It's a temporary fix.

And what's worse off, she's trying to convince you none of it's real. You understand that, don't you? She wants you to treat your alters like figments of your imagination and try to get the idea out of your head, and that if you start thinking in a single sense, your "imaginary friends" will fade away and you'll be "cured". It's doctors like her that I have no full memories before 12 and only had my multplicity return at the drop of a hat. Don't buy her #######4.

Ok thx Mr Bates !
I was wanting to say that but was trying to tread the line a bit as I didn't know how radical I could be on this forum without getting warned (or kicked) which wouldn't help anyone. Now I know the moderator has his head screwed on I want to add my full agreement to what he is saying - tell her to take a hike.
Do NOT let anyone shove you guys back down inside yourself because it will not help. You yourselves know it is not right what she is trying to get you to do.
We do stand by what we said about learning how to engage with with the public though as this is good to learn - and does not require anyone be shoved down inside hehe

Hi there
thank you Homerinchch we understand what you are saying and thank you for your advice. For me we have for so long hidden everything that we actually felt a awful sense of sadness when this was suggested. We have often said we, us or I and me. It never felt comfortable or good and if we cannot express honestly and clearly at the one place where help is supposed to be available we are as you sat stuffed so we are grateful for all you said


Hi there Mr Bates thank you for your reply we were actually hoping for a reply like this. As we said above when this was suggested we were really distressed inside. We want to validate what are parts have done for us and not ignore their courage. We keep saying we are who we are. We have just started on this journey and we feel as if we are being bullied into behaving as someone who has no parts.
When we were dx we were so relieved at last we thought, okay it was a very mad process to get there but we have real alters and they are part of who we are and have never even thought or know about intergration. Thank you Mr Bates for your input. We hope we have the guts to do the right thing
eaven

Let us know how it goes Eaven !
You can always hang out here and talk to us about things you can't talk about with anyone else irl. We know that sadness - there have been days where our will to live has almost completely faded away because of all the pain - in these times only God has kept us alive. The loneliness (which is weird because there are so many of us lol) can be so horrible.
Stick around here so we can support you guys and keep you's company.

Okay we are now back at work and have been now for 3 weeks, really finding it tough going as manager is attempting to support but his support is a bit weak and some staff are getting away with comments about us not being there as we are in a managerial position ourself, we attend therapy twice a week NHS psychologist of course this is in work time, Had an incident on friday where I returned from psychologist to continue my daily job and the clerk had placed LS next to my name where sign in I asked what this meant and she said late start I told her I was going to cross it out as it was in public view of everyone that I was late. Keep in mind I had discussed with my line manager that on certain days due to therapy (only one who knows I am in Therapy) we would be late. I then stated that maybe you as the clerk should remember I am your manger and you are the clerk. YES I know wrong statement but said nothing can change that now, I did not go near her all day went home for weekend and then Monday morning when I see her I made a comment F*****G clerk which I do not remember but a staff member got up and went and told her. I then asked my line manager if we could have a quick catch up chat I told him about friday and that I knew I was wrong in what I said, and wanted to say sorry but that as the clerk the letters should not have been put on my signing in sheet, he really did not agree or disagree. He then told me a staff member had told the clerk that I had called her a f****** clerk -------------sadly we could not remember as it was of course one of my parts who said this and now we feel like we are constantly having to lie to survive. My managers ending statement was that at times my answers recently have been very defensive and appearing to be goading.
I work in social services and since my DX of DID I have been sick quite a lot and I constantly feel under the hammer and finding it really hard, of course this is all impacting on my healing journey. I now who the staff member is who told and feel very grieved as no one of course not even my line manager or employees know I have DID PLEASE someone need advice on what to do where do I stand if i am fired etc.........also can I tell my employees or will they get rid of us for being DID. This seem very futile I know but for us it is causing a lot of unnecessary pressure and we can barely keep our head above water. I just do not know where I stand in employment and scared of losing my job and of course desperately need to work to pay the bills
thank you eaven

Oh boy, well, the traditional response would be take the sniveling rat out behind the building and beat the CRAP out of them, but I don't think that's an acceptable option these days

I'm not sure how your co-workers will handle you confessing to multplicity. They might see it as a cop-out to get out of your "bad behavior". So forget the DID stuff, here's what you do: Tell that sniveling rat mind their own business, that the ######6 clerk doesn't need a rat to hold their hand. Explain to your boss what you mutter to yourself out of frustration, however inappropriate it is, is not anyone's business but your own and that the rat needs to grow up. This isn't kindergarten "YOU SAID A BAD THING! I'M TELLLLLLLLING!" Christ. Then explain therapy has been very rough on you lately and you've been having a hard time coping with personal issues, so you apologize for snapping out the way you did, but you have enough stress in your life. And that you promise to try harder to keep your personal life at home, bring it to work with you.

I agree with Mr. Bates here. Keep work and personal life separated. People generally will not understand. Maybe one day you know someone at work REAL well that you could confide in. You have to decide who it is that is going to do your job. And leave the rest out of it. That doesn't mean you can't communicate with them while working, but whoever does the job needs to be in charge.
I agree too that the tattletale needs to grow up. If you go around like that all the time, yeah, but this person must have more (of his/her own) reasons to do what s/he did.

I also agree that if a T asks you, after only 7 or so sessions (if at all), to 'try saying I', this person doesn't quite understand DID.
It's easy for her: she can just say 'you' and it naturally applies to all of you.

Thank you Mr Bates really appreciate your input it made us laugh about the rat, we know in our heart we cannot mention the multiplicity and yea you are right looks like we are excusing ourself for acting that way, we spoke with line manager and explained at the moment we are going through a lot a emotional stuff in therapy and he suddenly volunteered info about his emotional struggles and that he believes he has not supported us enough in our return to work and promised to ensure he would do as he should and ensure our return to work is a painless and safer journey, as for the rat we are waiting for her to get out of nappy training. Thank you very much we really do appreciate the straight honesty.
We are still stuck with the same psychologist and they are still trying to make us accept that we are facets and integration is the answer, ah!!!!
We have requested a different one but to no avail. Just wonder why it is so hard to have psychologist who has DID experience

Thank you for advice
eaven