New: Looking for some advice on a younger alter

So I signed up here to get some perspective on my system. If anyone in particular has a good handle on how to deal with the younger alters or has one themselves that could offer advice- it would be most helpful. Excuse the length!

i've had DID all of my life but it wasn't really dealt with till I turned 13. I'm now about to be 21 and have been dealing with it on and off since then in therapy. I had a really good therapist at the beginning and alot of integration occurred with her. She recently just died (which was quiet devistating and we took it harder then i thought i would.) oh and may I mention that i started out with about 15 alters or so, and now am down to just one or two others (they are hard to distinguish). Before my recent move to another state, i was seeing a therapist who had a really hard time grasping the concept of me having DID. I don't think it was a matter of weather or not she believed it existed, it was just trying to understand her (my alter) and how she functioned in my life. (she's basically a younger version of my host self, and a blended form of all the "littles" from the pre blended system), It wasn't till right before I moved that my therapist really started to understand. Now for "M" as I will call her here , this was a very frustrating tihng to try and get my therapist to understand that she was real. So naturally (being young and all), M felt abandoned and hurt by us leaving her when she FINALLY got somewhere.

So moving forward some so not to bore you guys, I moved and after about a couple months decided that I should look for a therapist here, cuz doing long distance work was getting to be really hard. I found this great therapist and given that i have done so much work revolving my trauma, i was able to easily give her a run down of my history and tell her what still needed to be worked on. She was not aware of my DID til not to long ago. She has reacted amazingly! She reminds me of my first therapist alot. (sorry my mind is side tracking). So anyways my therapist here knows about M but M has yet to speak with her directly. (and yes i'm aware it takes time) I have been speaking for her if she has something she wants to add. I'm finding it difficult to remember what M wants me to relay to my therapist, becaucse I am also a full time student with a part time volunteer placement. My therapist has done everything right in regards to trying to make her feel comfortable, speaking to her as if she is listening (which M usually is) and telling her its okay, to take her time, that my therapist believe she's real etc etc.. so whats the problem right?

well I cannot seem to convince M to finally come out and meet with my therapist. M is extremely shy and scared (she ranges in ages of about 4-10). M has made it clear to my therapist through me that she doesn't want to speak her words in person with her yet but she is yearning to come out and meet her and draw do puzzles etc etc. Again my therapist has been more then patient. M's issue is i think she is expecting my therapist to be hesitant like my one from back home and doesn't' want to get rejected. (makes sense). i've tried everything from bringing her drawing supplies, her puzzles, her blanket, anything that I know makes M feel safe and secure. My therapist has already proven to both of us that we can trust her, so i don't understand why the resistance. M always comes back from therapy all disapointed because she didn't come out and atleast make herself known. And then I have to deal with the after math of that. (can be equivalent to a toddler having a fit for not getting their way!)

I don't exactly know what im asking for here lol, but i guess it would be to see if anyone has any suggestions that i could try in getting M to feel okay enough to at least let my know that she is in the office even if she doesn't want to speak. my therapist has tried different things too but she said in the end its going to be up to M. Perhaps anyone who has a younger alter in their system could help communicate with mine that she IS actually okay to meet this therapist who is new to her? (I'm so eager to have M meet my therapist because M won't have to worry about having to explain herself! My therapist speicalizes in trauma and ptsd) Maybe for Someone to say they understand? Because no matter what I'm saying M is just getting edger and edger by the moment due to her anxiety. M has been watching from a distance too of our sessions so its not like its completely foreign to her.

also as a side note: has anyone experienced difficulty in therapy revolving around a group of alters or individuals having different theraputic needs then perhaps another group or individual- or in my case Me the host? I've been running into this issue with trying to get M involved. She has her issues and I have mine, however there is only so much you can do within the typical therapy hour. I feel like every time we wrap up the hour, its not quiet finished, ya know? Especially if I have to add things in for M that she wants my therapist to know, its so rushed. sometimes this leaves both of us in a whirlwind and can have a huge effect during the week. We even sometimes breakdown to the point were making a second appointment becomes necessary. If anyone has encountered this, how did you bring it up with your therapist? or how did you deal with this aspect? I feel like M and I need separate times or something(once she's finally out to my therapist that is!) but i don't know if thats realistic or not...

so just a recap- suggestions on how to re- assure M that it is okay to finally come out to my therapist or things i could ask my therapist to maybe do to help in the process, and two adhering to the separate therapeutic needs of me and M

thank you so much for taking the time to read- any feedback is greatly appreciated! ~KED

"...that she IS actually okay to meet this therapist who is new to her?" Which is exactly the issue. The new therapist is a new person. Even people we've known a long time, we can be scared to be out around. Let alone a new person. Like you said, it does take time.

M- Our kids are very scared to come out with our therapist and we've seen her for over a year. And she has met many people like us and believes we're all real, too. And you know what else? Even a lot of the adults are scared too! Sometimes when we leave even the big people here get upset with themselves for not talking to our therapist when they had planned to find the guts to do so. There's nothing wrong with being scared and taking your time. But I bet your therapist is a very nice person who would love to color with you and play games when you do feel safe to try. And if you try and you're not comfortable then you don't have to stay out. You can go right back inside. Do you have a favorite snack? Maybe KED can ask your therapist to have that snack with you. That would be fun!

Back to KED- Yeah, we have people here with different needs than my own (I'm the supposed original, which is debatable, but I answer to the legal name even if it doesn't feel like my name). There are a LOT of us in my system and getting around to everyone in one or two sessions would truly be impossible. Over a year later and there has been minimal amounts of working on the issues others here have. It's not for lack of caring or importance so much as it is lack of time and, as I told M, lack of nerves (or, too many of them maybe ). But something our therapist tells us often is that therapy isn't a six week program. It is on-going, especially with DID, and while it may feel urgent to get others to come out and talk and get it all out on the table, it's not as important to shove it all out there immediately as it feels. It will all happen in its appropriate -and comfortable!- time.

-Leigh

Thanks Leigh for your reply!

Hopefully having M hear what you wrote will help her friday when we see our therapist again to attempt contact. Weird you mention the snack idea cuz our mother mentioned that as an option. And our therapist is extremely nice and believes whole heatedly that M is real. And its probably even more scarey for M due to being at a breakthrough point...

Yes, I remember having the same thing happen to me back when there were about 15 of us...no wonder therapy has taken a good 8 yrs. (so yes its not a 6 week )Unlike M for me its not about nerves, its more of trying to manage what to deal with when emotionally speaking because now that I have a pretty complete storyline of my life, the processing really NOW just begins as i'm finding out. such a long road...


anyways, thanks for the reassurance from both of us!
~KED&M

Leigh said lots of good things. I just wanted to say to M that its probably okay to come out, just scary because of the bad experience with the therapist before this one, but not because of the therapist now. Cause youve seen her lots of times already. So its about trusting you - and you trust the T - and then the scary first-time. I know about it. New Ts are really hard and when you really want to come out and talk but are just too afraid because of the bad experience, its really sucky. But try to trust KED and reward yourself big time if you've managed to come out in therapy, even if it was just for a minute. The first time I saw an earlier T of ours was just a real quick hi and running back inside again quickly. But I was so relieved that the T HAD to believe I was real now since Id come out and the host didnt know about it and the others had me watch Pokémon all day. They made me feel real proud.

Good luck!

Lisa (I'm 10).

Thank you Lisa! KED is gonna type for me cuz i really bad at speling.

yea I really wanna come out and talk to her cuz she nice and all and likes that i have KED tell her stuff about me so she kinda sorta know me a lil bit. i not afraid of if she think i real or not it more about the stuff i want to say and if she will be okay with it or believe me. KED keeps tellin me she does cuz of the stuff she has given to the T about us but what if she think it different when i tell her bout something? See i younger so the T mite not believe me cuz i not as smart as KED.
So if i com out for like 2 mins to give her a picture she will be happy wif me? I some time send my T a message on the computer and she rites back, so can i be proud then too? Maybe i will try reeally hard tomorrow and just giv me her picture! Thank you for talkin with me - M- (i'm being 8 rite now)

Lisa- Thank you for responding to her- I think it will reassure her, and I'm very glad I found this site maybe it will help M not feel so alone! We all need to stick together right? =]

UPDATE for Leigh and Lisa!

We went to our T today and M came out to the T! The T and I (KED) just started doing one of M's puzzles that we brought a while back, and M didn't come out after we did the puzzle so i was getting worried. Then the T asked me to draw the feeling of what it was like for me to have M come out and she was going to draw a picture about what it was like for her to try and talk to M. As we started drawing M eventually made her way out, our the T and M had a written/drawing conversation about all the stuff she liked and didn't like! M's favorite animals and favorite foods etc. M even laughed with our T! *they found out that they both love butterflies! Made M all giggly! She nodded and pointed to stuff too! I think she may have even sneak a yes or a no in there somewhere! We are very proud of ourselves for 1. I (KED) allowing it to happen and 2. M coming out and drawing. good progress huh?!


((Fank u guys, i did gud 2day... it waz so skarry! eep! I wantd 2 run bak insid til the T wiked my picture! N the T didnt mak me use my voice and words! and KED is leting me get movie tim l8tr! I get 2 see Wall E!! )) - M- 6yrs.

So thank you both for the encouragement, M kept you guys in mind as she slowly came out and it made her feel better!

Yay! Way to go, M! (and KED too!) We're VERY proud of you over here! And we all LOVE Wall-E!

*hugs*

Leigh

i wan to talk to leighs t but am skeered. how do you not be skeered? she has legos and sais i can use them and she will use them with me but im skeered to ask and skeered to come out.

frum rae and im five

Thank you! we feel quiet accomplished!

U WIKE WALL E! I wike findin nemo too - M


Rae- hi nice 2 meat u! Im M- i 7

ok this is wat we did, Kay and Me tawk alot so i asked her to tell T that i want to meet her but was scarrrred and shi. T told her to tell me it ok that i scared and shi and i don hav to com ou if i don wan to
then kay told my T som stuf about me so whne i did com out then she alread have somethin to knw bout me. can leigh do that or some1 els in ur system? then what we did for 3 times was we observed from afrar to feel safer

then today it was decided i was gonna try and th T knew i was gonna try today ahead of time, so she got out my stuff (puzzle and coloring stuff) and lay it on floor for me, and then her and kay talwked for a bit and did my puzzle to help me feel safe. Then me start drawin and i wrote in words on paper to T that i was scard and she tol me it ok. then we just talkwed that way for the res of time, about stuff i wiked and she tol me abou her and how she alwaso wike animinals. so u don't have to tawk if u don want to, you can just hang out. and that made it les scary. also i brough a blanky wif me. that help alot. do u have a stuffy or somefing that urs leigh can brin for u? it went ok and ur t already knew bout you or eblieve u real? if so it wil be easier. hop that hepz u. have others help u and speak for u til u feel comfortble. and if u make a plan b4 hand of wht u wanna do it helps. do it wen u feel brav. it ok to be scaaaared. u wil feele better once u do it ok Rae? I promis it gon be ok. =] gud luck and com back and twalk to me agan if u need to- ur new friend- M

Aww, congratulations M! We know how scary it can be to talk to new people, especially a T. But she is there to help you and I'm sure she cares about you very much. It's good that you are starting to talk to her, even if it's just on paper. I can imagine that she appreciates your efforts and wants to continue speaking with you any time you feel comfortable doing so. Good job so far!


M - im emily. im 5. i kno its scary to talk wen you dont kno peepel but you will be o k if you keep trying to com out for the T cos im asure she liks you so dont be scared a lot o k. you are doin guud its o k.


KED, I hope that things will become easier for you and the others. It sounds like M is making good progress just by coming out to talk. Good luck~

-Rae

Thanks so much to all of you!!! Its nice to know I'm not alone anymore. Its been really hard to not talk to anyone before this site....M is very nervous about going back, she's afraid that the T will make her talk. also I am kinda unsure cuz M wants to draw the T pictures and I don't like what she draws and I'm not ready for my T to know this stuff even if M is.. .something we've been struggling with all weekend. I. Already feel too valnurable to her Just MEETING M...we shall see I guess..

How are all of you holdin up?

Fank u emily and Rae- I not tryn 2 make KED upset but I jus wanna get the bad stuf out me head. Dos that sumtimes happen 2 u guys or others in u? I no me wil feelin bettr if I dra n then I be k 4 awil. How KED don get it? I tri 2 tawkl 2 her bur she 2 much a scarrrdy kitkat! Me sowwie 4 bein upset..I done---....M