Should I ask them?What should I say?

So Tadik told me last night over the phone that his birthday is november 17th. He asked brett and thats what he told him. Should I ask Brett what happened when he was 3 on november 17th or should I leave it be?

Also, Brett and Tadik are very sick right now.. they lost 40-50lbs in a month and a half and they found a lump on his lung please keep them in your prayers. Brett asked me to tell Tadik because he didn't know how to tell him so I did.. He has been depressed since I told him that he is so young that if it is cancer then they will recover and he keeps telling me that he finally knows what love is and now he's going to die. I don't know how to explain that anymore..

Tadik asked me to marry him. he told me that its not fair that bretts name will be on everything and that he wants kids and he wont really be daddy because bretts name will be on the birth cert. and Tadik also explained that its not fair that he has no friends other then brett and me. He wants to meet people that wont call him Brett.

any advice on any of these situations would be great. you all have helped me understand things o much better then i did before.

Hi,
Sounds like a bittersweet time in your world. The way you talk about Brett and Tadik sounds so sweet, and so loving. I am glad they have someone like you to help them.
I don't think there is any harm in asking about his birthday, the more you know the more capable you are in understanding them. If they don't want to tell you, than they will say.
As for Tadik having friends, I don't see too much harm in making friends on his own, but at some point in strong friendships the truth should and usually does come out, but by then if it is a true friend, then he should still consider his friend Tadik and not have any problems with it.
As for cancer, I wish this were an easier situation, but it isn't for anyone. The best I can say is that treatment for cancer has come a long way and there are a lot of survivors. I will pray that Brett and Tadik come out stronger.
As for marriage, perhaps Brett and Tadik can come to a compromise, use Tadik as a middle name, or perhaps create your own signed documents with Tadik, Brett and your name on it. That way all three of you are in agreement.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you.
~Amber and All

Hi,
Thx for the reply. I talk about them that way because I do care about them. They are feeling a little better today. They are a big guy. 6'3 and 245lbs of all muscle 2 months ago. They now weigh 190lbs and are very sick. I'm praying like crazy with hope of a miracle or negitive result. The people he works for have halted tests till the 14th because they still want him to work. But he said he can breath today and he isn't throwing up or coughing blood. So thats good.

I told him about the 3 person marriage cert. and Brett liked the idea, he said that he thinks Tadik will liek it and he'll talk to him when he wakes up.

I'm still really afraid of asking him about what happened when Brett was three because I know that its the reason Tadik is here right now. I need the strength to ask the question so he isn't holding on to it anymore.

Oh and for friends.. Tadik is very sarcastic and kind of mean when he first meets people. We are working on it. ALOT. Example. Brett was Stuttering (really bad stress)when we went to see his younger daughter and while he was talking to his ex wife barely able to put a word out, the kitten walked up to me and climbed into the palm of my hand. So I pet it and as soon as they turned there head Tadik laughed and clear as a bell says FISHBAIT!. Then Brett cameback stuttering and his ex wife was confused all to hell about if he was faking the whole unable to talk thing. we got to the car afterwards and Tadik starts laughing and tells me that he couldn't keep it in and that she was lucky he didn't just punt it. This is Tadik really nice. He has (before he met me while we were both awake) done alot of bad thingsin the past.

I don't know what I would do if if didn't have this forum in all honesty. I was scared, I felt really alone and I didn't know what was going on when Tadik made himself known to me. He was Violent and angry. I read alot of the posts here and had a long talk when I came home and now everything is working out so well. So whoever is reading this I want you to know that I really do appriciate it. Your great people... Lots of great people (in each one of you)