Where to post this...hmmmm, here?

by **Nattjoik** » Thu May 01, 2008 12:39 am

Well, some of you may have heard this already, some not. I can't say I know much more about DID than what I learned in AP Psych. But I do know that abuse causes it. I also know that you tend to "flip" into another alter's personality. This "flipping" is out of your control. You have several people that you are and that you become when they take over. These alters make your own body do things - sometimes things that you (the host) wouldn't want to do. Where do I begin? Well I know for a fact that I do not have an identity disorder. If I did, I'd have problems with it. But I also know for a fact that I can somewhat relate to DID. I know that I have other "identities" that I can bring out on demand. But I can control them and they don't take over my body and do bad things.

But.....when I become one, I do indeed do things that I normally wouldn't do as myself. I guess you can say I am creative and I invent these characters. Some are just like Walt Disney and Mickey Mouse, but others I feel are actually an identity of me. There are really only two of them that are intense. I mean, if I act like one, I almost feel like I am that person. I can easily get lost in them. However, I am still able to control them and go back to myself when I want to. I still know I am me, but I just don't feel like me.

I get urges to have them type posts, just like lark, Bates and the one mica have their alters write posts. I feel that they can really talk to me and to others...and that when they do speak, it is really them speaking...not me. I feel that they have just as much life as I do. This is NOT a problem I have! In fact, I enjoy it. I feel close to these people and I actually talk to them often. They feel real. I enjoy them very much. I am a spiritual person, so I believe that each of them is like a spirit or something that decided to live among me and in me - kinda like Bates and D. These are Déjà vu and Aq. They really have some great ideas! If I can get into being "them" then I can say things that I'd never think of being just me! Heh, I would NEVER just leave my purse at a school cafeteria table and follow my friend all the way out to the parking lot, freaking her out, never taking my eyes off her while talking in a British accent. But that's what I did when I was Deja Vu on Halloween. I rarely scream or make loud obnoxious noises in public, but when I do Aq, then I can be overly loud! So, it's nothing too extreme - just different. I do so much more when I am one of them. You should SERIOUSLY see my eyes change color when I do Deja Vu! My whole family has seen it and other people too. So that's basically it. NOT a disorder in any way! But just a unique thing about myself I guess. So, be prepared to see posts posted by Aq or Déjà Vu - trust me! They got some advice that I could NEVER think of on my own! :wink:

wtf are you implying, huh? Are you trying to imply that I have no clue what I'm talking about - like I'm trying to offend people with DID? I don't know what you mean by "there's something so wrong with this post" Well, if you don't believe me or think that I'm some idiotic person, then why the hell should I even be on this forum! If this is a forum to "help" others and be there for each other, then that's not really what you are doing, is it? You aren't really going along with the rules of the forum and what this forum is meant for! If you are just going to criticize me, then maybe you should get off the forum! This is a place to share ideas, thoughts and problems and yet you can't be nice about it. I just wrote something that is true about me and you come at me with all this crap about it being "all wrong"????wtf seriously! I TOLD YOU that it isn't DID and I SAID that I didn't know much about DID! So what's the big problem? I said in the heading that I didn't know where to post it! If it isn't ANYTHING to do with DID, so what? Maybe it doesn't! I don't care WHERE this post belongs!!! I just put it here because it seemed like the most logical place - OK maybe I should have put it in the general forum! Whatever!

I'm sorry, but I had to rant that. I am just assuming that you are attacking me with your replies. If not, then please let me know. Sorry if I mistook something else for an attack. It's just that it most certainly feels like you are trying to attack me for whatever reason! If I actually offended someone, I'm sorry and I didn't mean to. If not, then why tell me stuff is wrong?

Listen, I was telling you the 100% truth about me! If you don't like it, fine. But be silent about it. I don't like posting the truth about me and then having two people bash me for it. I don't think you would like it either.

by **Nattjoik** » Fri May 02, 2008 1:39 am

OK I want to apoligize for being harsh. Maybe I gave the wrong impression somewhere. I'm still EXTREMELY confused as to what I said that was "wrong". But I do want to stress that if ANYONE thinks I was trying to offend someone or make someone feel bad, I was not trying to do that in any way...k?

by **TwilightInsight** » Fri May 02, 2008 3:14 am

For starters, I don't know who in my system left the other comment, though I agree with them. I am more than willing to give my opinion and you can take it or leave it, but please do so without the verbal abuse. We are the last people, meaning all the members of this forum, who need to be spoken to that way. So moving on...

Nattjoik wrote:I also know that you tend to "flip" into another alter's personality. This "flipping" is out of your control. You have several people that you are and that you become when they take over.

I can only assume you have never known any (or many, if any at all) multiples face-to-face. If you met my system, you would know we are not one person. In saying we "flip" to another alter's personality, you invalidated their existence as their own people. I do not "become" another alter, I am me and they are them. Not every last one is due to abuse. And while at times the switching (what you refer to as "flipping") is not within my control, often times it very much is. They only come out against my will if we are in a threatening situation or I am triggered. And they do not "take me over" as I am not possessed.

Nattjoik wrote:Well I know for a fact that I do not have an identity disorder. If I did, I'd have problems with it.

What are these problems you seem to think we have? Just curious.

Nattjoik wrote:I know that I have other "identities" that I can bring out on demand. But I can control them and they don't take over my body and do bad things.

Should you be multiple, in any way shape or form, control and demanding aren't going to help you or your group at all. Would you like to be controlled and told when you may or may not do something? And I'm not sure what these "bad things" are, but in AP Psych, they tend to have the students read or watch "Sybil" and this is not how it happens for the majority. We're not bad people and the people within our systems are not bad either. They saved our lives.

Nattjoik wrote:But.....when I become one, I do indeed do things that I normally wouldn't do as myself. I guess you can say I am creative and I invent these characters.

If you're aware of doing things that "you" would not generally do, this is called an excuse. And if you invent these "characters", it's called writing. Look it up.

Nattjoik wrote:I get urges to have them type posts, just like lark, Bates and the one mica have their alters write posts.

We're multiples, not dictators. We do not "have them" write posts. They choose to.

Nattjoik wrote:This is NOT a problem I have! In fact, I enjoy it.

And this is where the "wrong" really comes in. I mean, if you did have an illness and someone came into a forum for that illness and said they kind of deal with something like this, but for them it's not a problem and they enjoy it, that might just be rude. And it might just come off as pretentious.

Nattjoik wrote:I feel close to these people and I actually talk to them often. They feel real.

Many D.I.D. systems can talk amongst themselves and our alters are not hallucinations, so "they feel real" is very invalidating to us and our systems, as we and our systems are also real.

Nattjoik wrote:You should SERIOUSLY see my eyes change color when I do Deja Vu!

Physically impossible, but whatever.

Nattjoik wrote:NOT a disorder in any way! But just a unique thing about myself I guess.

We get it! NOT a disorder! I think you've made that clear by now but have decided to continue to shove that one in our faces. How kind of you. And you're not unique in this. Join Live Journal and look for a community called "multiplicity". There's tons of people like you, aside from the eyes changing color and forced posting and control. They treat other systems and their own with respect.

-Leigh

by **Dimensional** » Fri May 02, 2008 10:56 am

I wasn't really offended by Nattjoiks message although I see a lot of ignorance and assumptions (no offence Natt), but I wanted to post two earlier messages of Nattjoik to clarify from what perspective (s)he's writing:

Hi, Not_Frank

I have immaginary friends too. In fact, I have a lot of different people that I act as from time to time. But I know I don't have DID. I really doubt you have it. Maybe the meds you were on caused you to start to have the symptoms of it, but it sounds like you are completely normal as long as you don't take that medicine. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point. However, to keep yourself from having it (and also to be more sure of yourself) just keep telling yourself that these are immaginary and that they and you are seperate people/beings...what have you...

See, what keeps me from having DID is that I know these people are figures of my imagination. I feel as if they are real, and I even feel like they are a part of me...but I know that I have invented them and I won't ever truely become them. Just think of these imaginary friends as an actor thinks of the person he is playing. Johnny Depp WAS Jack Sparrow, but he was able to seperate Jack from his actual identity...I hope I am making myself clear... I'm trying, believe me. If I don't sound clear, just ask questions lol.

I really don't think you have anything to worry about though. I think it is best for you to believe that these people are just imaginary people...otherwise if you fear you have the disorder, you may start believing you have it and that would be bad.

Sometimes they are reacting to other parts of us, and don't realize that we've switched and that they're screaming at the scared 5 year old and not the mean teenager that instigated the screaming.

Wow! You really hit that right on the nail! Now, I don't have DID, but I can see how this can work. At one point, you are this crabby punk teenager who likes to piss people off, so therefore the person you are pissing off gets angry and yells back. Then you switch to an innocent child who thinks that the other person is just being scary and mean, when in reality, the person is pissed because you had been mean to him.

I think DID is a difficult thing to understand. However, I can say that I have the ability to understand it better than most people. Not because I have studied it or have been around a lot of people who have it...but because I could EASILY pretend I have it.

See, I really believe that people with DID are just very creative...the only thing is, they can't comprehend that the "characters" they create are actually still them when they "take over". For some reason, their brains just don't work that way. I can safely say that I am many "people". I have created many characters which I act like often. If you hang out with me, you'll see me just start acting like one of my characters out of nowhere. Sometimes it even freaks people out. At a Halloween party last year I stayed in character the whole night. It gets so easy to do that even when I get out of character, I still sometimes react to things in one of the character's voice and personalities without thinking. I could easily tell you about my "family" as well. I could say that Katrina is the goof ball, Deja Vu is the mentor etc etc...I will confess that sometimes I actually will talk to these people. I do it because I feel how real they seem. The only thing that seperates me from DID is that, no matter who's character I am doing, I know that I am still ME. I know and I can comprehend that this person who I am acting as is seperate from me. These people do not "take over" and they do not cause me to do harm or anything other than what I would normally do.

I really think that you guys who have DID are just like me, but somehow you are missing the realization that who you are acting as is just a fake person. You obviously know you have this disorder...but somehow once you get into character, you BECOME that character and you BECOME that personality, without being able to seperate yourself from them. So...I can somewhat understand what it feels like. I could be one of my "people" all day if you asked me to. I can switch any time you ask me to. I am an actress who becomes my characters, but has the sense of who I really am. You are actors who become your characters but you don't have the sense of who you really are. These characters you invent in your minds become too powerful and they control you. That is the only difference between you and me.

I actually enjoy being in this forum, because I feel like I can relate somewhat to all of you. Any of you can feel free to pm me while you are any one of yourselves! I honestly believe that I am just one step away from having DID. I know that I don't have it and I hope I never will...but I am sure I won't. But by having such similar traits as you, I feel that maybe I can help some of you who are seeking help. So anyone feel free to pm me!

I don't want this post to make any of you feel that I am saying I am better than you because I can have the realization that you don't have...please don't take it that way. I want to give you comfort...and hopefully by knowing that someone without DID can relate to you, you will feel better about yourselves and your relationships with others.

Take care all!

Nattjoik, I'm not able to reply to your messages at the present time because I have to leave in six minutes. Don't feel attacked, you're not being attacked, but you've made some assumptions about DID from your own experience of inventing characters.. which I cannot judge or analyse any further because I do not know you in person.

I'll try to respond later, but wanted to give everyone all messages regarding this topic from Nattjoik they may have missed, since it explains a lot about where you're coming from

..

by **Dimensional** » Fri May 02, 2008 11:00 am

Nattjoik, remember not to project your own experiences onto people with DID though.. we with DID are not 'acting' characters.. we have several persons in one body because our mind has split when we were young. Whether we have control over each other or not, we never ACT as each other.. But I'll try to get into it some other time.

by **seanetal** » Sat May 03, 2008 2:20 am

Actually changes in eye color do happen with some alters. Do a search on google and you'll find many sites refer to the following:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.au/?PHPSESS ... view&id=61

"...different eye colour and different self-image to the "host" and to each other. In some cases "alters" can be of different religious beliefs. Body posture and facial expressions can differ greatly as well as general likes and dislikes and hobbies."

It's common for alters to have different prescriptions for their glasses as well.

A friend of mine has a significant change in the shape of her face with one particular alter and her hazel eyes become more blue.

by **Dimensional** » Sat May 03, 2008 9:38 am

Yeah, that with eye-colour is true, my eyes can become a lighter shade of brown or a darker shade of brown (at times of a hateful/spiteful emotion it can seem almost black), depending on who's out..

Where to post this...hmmmm, here?

Where to post this...hmmmm, here?

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