sad lately

TrixyEtAl wrote:
Sometimes they are reacting to other parts of us, and don't realize that we've switched and that they're screaming at the scared 5 year old and not the mean teenager that instigated the screaming.

Wow! You really hit that right on the nail! Now, I don't have DID, but I can see how this can work. At one point, you are this crabby punk teenager who likes to piss people off, so therefore the person you are pissing off gets angry and yells back. Then you switch to an innocent child who thinks that the other person is just being scary and mean, when in reality, the person is pissed because you had been mean to him.

I think DID is a difficult thing to understand. However, I can say that I have the ability to understand it better than most people. Not because I have studied it or have been around a lot of people who have it...but because I could EASILY pretend I have it.

See, I really believe that people with DID are just very creative...the only thing is, they can't comprehend that the "characters" they create are actually still them when they "take over". For some reason, their brains just don't work that way. I can safely say that I am many "people". I have created many characters which I act like often. If you hang out with me, you'll see me just start acting like one of my characters out of nowhere. Sometimes it even freaks people out. At a Halloween party last year I stayed in character the whole night. It gets so easy to do that even when I get out of character, I still sometimes react to things in one of the character's voice and personalities without thinking. I could easily tell you about my "family" as well. I could say that Katrina is the goof ball, Deja Vu is the mentor etc etc...I will confess that sometimes I actually will talk to these people. I do it because I feel how real they seem. The only thing that seperates me from DID is that, no matter who's character I am doing, I know that I am still ME. I know and I can comprehend that this person who I am acting as is seperate from me. These people do not "take over" and they do not cause me to do harm or anything other than what I would normally do.

I really think that you guys who have DID are just like me, but somehow you are missing the realization that who you are acting as is just a fake person. You obviously know you have this disorder...but somehow once you get into character, you BECOME that character and you BECOME that personality, without being able to seperate yourself from them. So...I can somewhat understand what it feels like. I could be one of my "people" all day if you asked me to. I can switch any time you ask me to. I am an actress who becomes my characters, but has the sense of who I really am. You are actors who become your characters but you don't have the sense of who you really are. These characters you invent in your minds become too powerful and they control you. That is the only difference between you and me.

I actually enjoy being in this forum, because I feel like I can relate somewhat to all of you. Any of you can feel free to pm me while you are any one of yourselves! I honestly believe that I am just one step away from having DID. I know that I don't have it and I hope I never will...but I am sure I won't. But by having such similar traits as you, I feel that maybe I can help some of you who are seeking help. So anyone feel free to pm me!

I don't want this post to make any of you feel that I am saying I am better than you because I can have the realization that you don't have...please don't take it that way. I want to give you comfort...and hopefully by knowing that someone without DID can relate to you, you will feel better about yourselves and your relationships with others.

Take care all!

<3 Nattjoik

Nattjoik,

Sounds sort of like how I used to perceive my DID, actually. :p Until I came to the realization that there is MAJOR amnesia between my different parts and that my parts were causing problems that I had absolutely no knowledge of. I felt as if I were "stepping into another set of clothes" so to speak, when I was co-conscious but not in the driver's seat. I often marveled at how different I was being from "self", and felt like I was just acting. But I didn't always have the ability to be that different personality. It wasn't an "on command" thing. Sometimes I'd very much want to make use of another's traits or skills and I quite simply DID NOT have them available to me. It was confusing for quite a few years until my husband realized I had DID and got me into therapy.

It was a bit of a scary realization, to be honest. I'm a bit of a control freak, so the idea of being so out of control is disconcerting.

Now I've come to perceive the different parts as "personality attribute and memory sets" with some overlap and co-consciousness. I've become very aware that different parts of me hold memories and skillsets that I quite simply have no access to. Some of them even know that they're "not real" and want to know why they can't just integrate or die. It's... All very sci-fi-ish.

Sometimes I'll see the switching and see the reactions and actions of others and I'll feel "I'm being manipulative!" but when I try to change my reaction (ie: stop crying) I disappear instead of being successful at changing my reaction. Or I'll be unable to do it and will have this weird sensation of being perfectly logical and in control of my own mind... but unable to alter something that I'm saying or doing.

thankyou everyone!
things are getting better now. no-on ever stod up for me befor for bullying so this time they got the police invovled anbd that person wont speak to me again

I watched my favourite musical the phantom of the opera and bridge to terabithia and the dark crystal, they ar all really good movies. i love them. i hope evryone on here is doin ok. happy easter!

amethyst

I'm glad you are fine - I had been waiting for you to reply back to us all. Just look at the replies: 11 replies made by 9 different people. The next time you feel bad, remember us because we care about you my friend.

I'm not a fan of Phantom of the Opera myself but I do like some of the music from it. My favourite musical is Joseph & His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

Take care,
Kevin

That's great Amethyst!
A relief to hear it

Nindy and others

Go Phantom! I love musicals! My favorite is Wicked....lol but I have yet to see it! How is it my favorite then? Well, I know all the songs and I pretty much know the story too...and I have done the songs in choir...so I feel like I have seen it, but I haven't LOL. I gotta do that. Next time it is in Chicago, I'm going!