Communicating with alters and stopping headaches

My husband is unable to effectively communicate with the alters. I told him that it is a good idea to do the journal writing, but he gets pissed and complains that journal writing doesn't work, nor does talking to them. He has terrible headaches that has him doing all but crying, and he ends up having to lie down and just sleep. .He's on his 5th migraine medication and nothing seems to work.

So, what does everyone else do about the headaches and communicating with the others?

Hmm... I don't get headaches so much anymore apart from when someone inside's unhappy about something. I drinka lot of tea throughout the day to prevent headaches, and I have a 'rescue box' in my room, a little wooden treasure box filled with all sort of incense, scented oils and other stuff that I find comforting to 'catch' the headache before it hits in full.
It's a tough process sometimes, communication, but I hope your husband pulls through. Unfortunately when there's a headache or migraine, apart from medication and comfort-supplies, there's not a lot we can do except for wait til its over...

I used to get TERRIBLE migraines, a few landed us in the hospital.
I had great luck with a combination of medicines. I would take Topamax daily, and I when a migraines struck, I would take Imitrex. It was the only thing that helped ever. I also made some big lifestyle changes. I quit my extremely stressful and anxiety filled job, and sought a less stressful job that we all love. I let the alters have a little time everyday, I eat a better diet, and I do things for myself, I write in my journal, I research, adn I take much needed days off.

I know a lot of this doesn't sound like treatment for DID, but if I am not healthy, my alters take over more, and try to prevent things from happening more. Which in turn leads to more stress, and more migraines. I used to have migraines 2-3 times a week. All debilitating, and until I made changes, and wrestled with myself to communicate and give time to the alters, nothing changed.

I still get the occasional migraine, during times of intense stress, or memories surfacing, or upset alters, but it is much less since we all can help each other more.

if your husband is not willing to accept changes, and give in to what seem to be simpler tasks (as in journaling, which takes more than one or two entries to work) in order to help himself he is going to have to suffer the consequences. I know you want to help him, but as the old saying goes "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

I hope this helps, try not to feel guilty, you are doing your best to be supportive.

~Amber

sometimes avoiding certain things, can help more than taking something. like avoiding or limit:
alcohol
highly processed food
refined flour
high sugar/salt
caffeine
nitrates
msg
etc... ya, i know, what's left, a bunch of bland crap! i'm not saying it will work, but i've noticed some alters can be more sensitive to some of the things i mentioned, and other chemicals. good luck! i hope you fine something that works.

benny

re: headaches

I know, I'm going to sound like the crunchy granola chick here, but seriously, has he tried feverfew? It is really effective, non prescription, and natural. (Although if he is allergic to ragweed there is a slight chance that this will be an allergen as well - its a relative of ragweed - but then again so is chamomile, I am allergic to ragweed AND chamomile - but feverfew doesnt affect me - but the more i take the more chance there will be of a reaction. . . ) Also, again - sounding strange here - everyone has seen those stupid ass commercials - but head on really works - especially if you use it right away when the headaches start coming. They make a head on sinus and a head on migraine and a head on extra strength. I would highly recommend going to walmart or some place equally as cheap though - cause you will pay double for it at a drug store. . . . (Walmart - under $5 - CVS $9!)

Thanks everyone for taking time to respond and giving such great advice.

Harri- My husband has been on a few different migraine medication, none he says really helped all that much, however when he took the relpax, I could definitely tell that there was a switch. I don't know if medication that's too strong can cause a switch, but it seems like when he takes this medicine, he switches. However, he still complains of having a headache, just a slight one. So, I don't know, but the headaches get so bad, at least once each week, that he can't do anything but lie down and force himself to go to sleep. But, we'll keep on trying, thanks again.

lalark2- My husband is a computer programmer and has a very stressful, demanding job. not to mention KNOWING about the others has been really stressful for him. So, I am sure that, under any circumstance, stress is a major issue. He has a workaholic alter that has had him working 18 hour days, and then another part of him(possibly another alter) not feeling like it's enough or he's as great at his job as everyone thinks, etc. And, on the other hand, he is learning to open up and share his feelings...something he only did in the first 2 months of our relationship and we've been together almost 9 years now . So, I told him that gaining control and an understanding of the alters might help and that he should be consistent with journaling to help with the process. He said that he would do it, but I'd need to remind him, needless to say, he hasn't. I think he's fighting against accepting it, he says that he does, but his actions say other wise. I don't know, thanks for your advice.

Hi Benny- My husband has been trying, for health reasons, to change his eating habits, but he definitely has an alter that loves sweets. During a time when our marriage was REALLY BAD, he found that he craved specific sweets(oddly it was something that he thought tasted bad) and then his headache(if only for a short period of time) would subside. But, he does avoid alcohol, ALWAYS. But, I will suggest that he gives the other foods a shot. I mean, it can't hurt, right? Thanks for the advice!

kscarlett- I can not wait to buy the Head On for my husband. It's going to be so good if it works because he ALWAYS makes fun of the commercial and talk about how stupid the product is. He really hates it, . So, I am going to get it, and if it works this will be good, if not, he'll have new jokes to make about it. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

Try getting him on a high-dose (1000mcg at least) sublingual METHYL version of B12. It helps with stress and has decreased my migraines significantly. DID can be very draining on the system.

Jarrow formulas makes a good one. Google it. It has to be the methyl format, the cyano form of it is virtually useless. And it has to be sublingual.

Most of my headaches these days come from trying to make sense of the system. I don't find mapping to be good for me at ALL. It's like it pulls the alters out of me when I feel like I should be pulling them into me and integrating them.

Do your husbands alters have names? Mine never did. Naming them makes the headaches worse.

Hi Trixy

Thanks for your response. My husband, while on the medication I talked about, revealed to me that there is a "tough guy alter", who's an older man, named Spanky. Other than him, we don't know the names of the others. It still difficult to find out about any others because unless my husband is inhibited and there seems to be a change in his "moods", I can't ask about them. If I do he(they) get very upset, annoyed, irritated, etc. Is your husband able to tell YOU apart from the others? I have a hard time telling my husband apart from the alters...accept when he's acting really different. In all of the 9 years that I have known my husband, it was only the first 2 months of our relationship that he wasn't moody. So, I am unsure of what his personality is, which makes it hard to separate his moods and actions from the others. I hope this makes sense . Thanks again!

i have to say, i'm glad my husband doesn't ask. he just pretty much lets me be me. even though it is "we", it aways feels like "me" at the time. some of the best things he does is be patient, remind me of things to make sure the information gets trough to "me". he tells me of things i did that i might not be aware of. he is aware of many things that trigger me, and asks me if i'm ok, and comforts the little girl that can often come out very scared and defensive.

i need to be responsible for my actions. so i need to know what they are to work on them. i always remember he has his needs too. it's a two way street. i'm far from perfect, and he has his faults too. we both try to be supportive of each other, and are both responsible for actions that need to be worked on. in other words i need to be excepted for who i am, a person with d.i.d. i except him for who he is. we both have faults but what's more important are the assets we bring to our relationship. understanding what he needs to deal with d.i.d. will give you better insight than knowing with alter he is. bottom line is, he is who he is. learning how to function better helps everyone.