Signs of amnesia- I cant help myself

Let me take it from the beginning. I cant control the feelings I have for a man. The fact that I cant talk to him due to some reasons makes me get stressed and have some kind of intrusive thoughts related to him.

Now, let me tell you about my problem. I cant remember what I did in the morning when its afternoon. I cant remember what I did some minutes ago. I cant remember what I did yesterday or the day before yesterday. Its not a real problem to me. But when it comes to work, I cant handle it and I think I ll be fired cause I make mistakes, related to my not remembering of what I did some seconds or minutes or hours ago. Every time I face a surprise at work, I think how did this happen? Cause I never forget. Cause I always remember. But the evidence show that I truly not remember alwayw what I did even a second ago.

My doctor said that my 13 alternate personalities occur as a coping mechanim related to my ADHD. But I am not sure anymore. I cant change the fact that when I have a ponytail, I feel that my name is Jennifer. I cant change the fact that every evening, when I talk to my father, I feel like a man, when in fact I am a woman. I cant deny the fact that many times when I dont remember, Jennifer starts speaking to me and tells me what I did. I cant deny the fact that each one of the personalities thinks they have their own self, but they cannot talk with themselves and speak with each other instead.

I have been prescribed a pill for ADHD, which has helped me a lot and two mood stabilizers. But every time something bad happens,my alternate personalities make their appearance again and try to help me.

So, I dont know anything. What could it be? Am I so much in love that I cant remember many things? Am I too stressed? What trully happens?? I will come in touch with my doctor soon. But I would like to hear what people that suffer from DID think. Any answers will be appreciated.

What you describe is consistent with DID.

The constant and overwhelming stress of being neurodivergent can be too much for a brain to handle, especially at a young age. Therefore the brain uses dissociation as a coping mechanism in order to suffer less from the stress. Short-term, it's effective.

Long-term, it means the brain has a puzzle-like structure and each "puzzle piece" develops their own sense of self and identity. The less connected they are, the more amnesia there is.

Good news: the contemporary therapy plans about dissociation are very efficient and if you find a properly trained therapist, you can fully recover from the dissociation! Bonus point: it's up to YOU if you want to keep separate identities or fuse them all together. The therapy is here to recover from the stress, the amnesia, the traumas... all the bad stuff, but the contemporary therapy does not care about the fusion (or not fusion) of the identities -that part is up to you.

Anyway, you'll find a ressources list about dissociation in the link in my signature, including self-help books. I particularily love "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" to learn about dissociation and what therapy does to the brain, and "Coping with trauma related dissociation" to learn about how to put everyday life back on tracks (easing up amnesia, having a more coherent life across the board, managing painful emotions...)

Welcome to this part of the forum!

Hi!

ArbreMonde covered all the basics. I just wanted to add that "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" can be a great book even if you "just" have ADHD. It can help a lot with the emotional dysregulation. When this is more "in check", it helps a bit with short term memory issues.

That's also a great thing the med for ADHD helps you! As someone who started my therapy for DID without it, I can say I wouldn't have recovered from dissociation if I hadn't started meds for ADHD at some point. ADHD symptoms keep the hypervigilance, anxiety, etc. strong, which prevent the dissociative barriers between identities from lowering down.

If you want to learn more, there are a few articles about DID/PTSD related to ADHD here : dissociation and neurodevelopmental disorders. The website is in French, but I put the link through Google Translate for you

Today is another day. I am completely different today. But I remember only a few things that have to do with the previous days. As if a curtain covered my eyes and a cloud covered my brain. I dont know what is going on. I ll meet my therapist tomorrow. I hope he helps me.