K system "death" of a head mate

So we lost a primary member of the K system and it's been a rather surreal experience and not sure how to feel about it. Kate, our negative and self destructive alter has kind of been withdrawing more over the last few weeks and last night in the inner world she had a seizure and "died" in a manner of speaking. We know she likely went dormant but it felt very real. We have also awakened many new alters but none have really taken an interest in fronting. It does feel a bit empty without the negative voice in our ears but we don't miss it. Is it wrong to not be missing or grieving the absence of a founding alter in our system?

It's completely normal to miss an alter when they stop being active (fusion, split, dormancy...) including when their "disparition" means that things are doing better inside of the system. It's called "ambiguous loss" and there is a link for a thesis on the subject in the ressources list. Here is a direct link to the thesis: https://scholarworks.smith.edu/cgi/view ... ext=theses

I have "lost" alters too though the imagery they choose to signify their deactivation was more of a "Jedi Master becomes one with the Force" imagery. They still show up sometimes but more like a "Force ghost" than a full on alter.

In my opinion, if you do not miss an alter, then everything the alter was providing is now provided some other way. In that sense, it is not wrong to not miss an alter. What may be wrong is if you do not feel you are missing a part of your self, hence if you never fully accepted the alter.

irishsunrise24 wrote:So we lost a primary member of the K system and it's been a rather surreal experience and not sure how to feel about it. Kate, our negative and self destructive alter has kind of been withdrawing more over the last few weeks and last night in the inner world she had a seizure and "died" in a manner of speaking. We know she likely went dormant but it felt very real. We have also awakened many new alters but none have really taken an interest in fronting. It does feel a bit empty without the negative voice in our ears but we don't miss it. Is it wrong to not be missing or grieving the absence of a founding alter in our system?

Marcus was one of our oldest alters. He was very much a persecutor in the end and did not want to change with the rest of the system. When we lost him, though, we all mourned. It is normal. That alter has been a huge part of who you are for so long.

He 'glitched out' and there were many alters who came about after that. We've welcomed each of them in and might even feel that they are more maladaptive than out right persecutorial.

And yes, it does feel a bit empty when you no longer have that negative voice in your head telling you horrible stuff, but it is also liberating in so many ways.

Take care of yourselves.
Violette

OK i realize that I completely misread and forgot to read the "not" missing.

Yes it's ok to NOT miss an alter just as much as to miss an alter. Each movement inside of a system is different and brings different emotions.

It's normal to find happiness in the positive changes in our lives - just like it's normal to need some time to grieve the now-gone past including the painful aspects. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel about things, just the "you" way

We have been a bit frustrated and angry today but we aren't sure if it's due to Kate's passing on or outside factors. We just feel out of sorts. We are in a "revolution" if you will. Old alters are retiring to the inner world and new ones are beginning to awaken but not show an interest in fronting. Kate is gone, mom is sleeping and has little K with her, and KT is going through a change of her own (she's a teen so you can figure that one out) that leaves KK and K and our new alter Rose taking turns fronting. Dad has been staying more in the background. I think he misses K8 or Kate. He would be the only one. We feel a change and welcome it. It's unbelievable how much K8 held us back.