Still unaware of everyone?

So I've been diagnosed for over a year now, but before that was told by a therapist almost four years ago that I had alters and that strategies to help DID would help me; she wanted to observe and see how integrated we were before deciding the exact diagnosis she was going to give me but said it was a more severe dissociative disorder so I always assumed probably OSDD or DID. We weren't always getting specialized therapy for DID and trauma obviously, but we've been in therapy for six years and were informed of our alters a while ago.

I have become more aware of the others over this time, but I still don't know very much about any of my alters and I don't even know some of their names. I know it's very normal to not know a lot about your parts, but is it still expected after years of knowing about them?

We've always had a pretty difficult time communicating so this has always been our main setback in recovery; I think discovering our full system would probably be major for us but I can't even imagine that happening soon.

Hi !

It took me 4 years to get to know every alters in my system, then another 2 years to discover the last remaining fragments that weren't even aware of themselves or the world. And because of my disabilities, I had the privilege to not have many responsibilities while I was in therapy.

So yep, it's normal to not know everyone even after years. And the more you have on your plate (work, family, other comorbidities, etc.), the more you rely on dissociation during your daily life to manage your stress/anxiety/fatigue, the more your other alters will need time to feel safe and to develop their abilities to communicate. That's why it can take quite a while.

One advice I can give is: don't focus on the ones you don't know. Work with the ones you can work with. Everything you'll learn together will also help to reassure those who are still afraid (it's not because you can't communicate that they can't see you or the others), and will be useful when they'll be able to show up and communicate with you.

Also, you may be interested to take a look at "Healing the fragmented selves" of Janina Fisher. It's more focused on emotions and feelings than the other resources for DID, and can be quite useful for systems who don't communicate well or not in a "classic voice in the head" way.

Hi, I'm similar!


We've been diagnosed for over a year now, but I started questioning since.. I wanna say late 2021? It's been a few years, and we have very high dissociative barriers and it's part of the reason we struggle to know who any of us are.

A lot of things online that try to give suggestions and ideas for figuring out your alters in a way of "ask (your alters) these questions."
For me, I can't really do that, for a variety of different reasons - our dissociative barriers are too high, there's no inner world, and there's no kind of "distinct voices" that I "hear" speaking to me that are coming from a distinctly different "person." And since we as alters do not experience ourselves as distinct individuals where we just know who we are and know we are our own distinct individuals, it's less like asking my alters these questions, and more like asking MYSELF these questions. This is important.

I've been a lot more accepting of my DID over these years and I still don't really quite know our system, but I've become a lot more of aware and accepting of my alters as.. Alters.
I used to have a lot of very intense denial over my alters because "I'm always just me, I'm always aware and awake of the outside world." I describe my DID as "I am a different alter sometimes."
I never know WHAT alter I am, but I'm at a point where I can acknowledge that my alters are alters and not "just all me" and I've become a lot better at noticing our changes and our differences.

My personal method is trying to keep track in changes of my opinions, likes, dislikes, emotions, hobbies, and more. It has helped a LOT and has helped me become so much more accepting. I have no idea if this will help you at all, but I figured I would share just in case it might!

I will try not to make this TOO long, but here is a template I use of questions that I ask myself at different times to help try and find patterns in changes of my behaviors and more.



The following is a TEMPLATE of things you can ask yourself at different times, during different moods, modes, self-states - whatever you wanna call it. I tried to make them as general as possible in order to hopefully make the questions apply to a general audience/a wide variety of people, instead of being too specific where they might not apply to most people.

You do not have to ask yourself all of these questions! If you don't know the answer to a question, and/or you don't want to answer a question, it can be important to write that down too! You can skip any questions or change them in any way you like.
If a question feels unhelpful to you, feel free to change it into something that might feel more helpful to you personally, and/or just remove it altogether.
Feel free to expand upon these questions! For example, if a question seems helpful to you, you might have further ideas to expand upon that question into further, more specific questions. I actually totally encourage other people to expand upon these questions and come up with more questions that could help others!

I want to make it clear, first, that this is NOT trying to make people OBSESS over this!

The purpose of these questions is to simply try and keep track of possible patterns of behaviors, etc., not to obsess over figuring out your alters, not to obsess over figuring out what alter you are, not to obsess over making sure your alters are "consistent all the time" or something. It doesn't matter so much about knowing "who" you are so much as it matters to let yourself exist as you are, at any given moment. It's to allow yourself to exist and see if there is a pattern of emotions, opinions, preferences, likes, dislikes, interests/hobbies, behaviors, and more that crop of every so often - this is what alters are for a lot of people. Like I said, it's less like "distinct, separate person" and more like a recurring pattern of the same/similar emotions/behaviors/traits/etc. that crop up every so often, oftentimes in response to things, such as topics that you may find triggering (for example: feeling like an angry wolf every time the topic of physical abuse comes up, or feeling like a scared child when you feel like someone said something upsetting), or even positive topics, such as feeling like you become a girl whenever the topic of fashion gets brought up, or feeling like you're 13 when the topic of a childhood beloved TV show comes up. But I just don't want anyone to take this and start to obsess over trying to figure out their alters to a point it becomes unhealthy. I just want to have that disclaimer.

Anyways!



Questions to ask myself for figuring out alters:

(Be sure to write down the month, day, and time. Maybe day of the week or anything else, if you want).

- What name(s) do I like?:

This doesn't have to be names of specific alters (by that I mean, you don't have to go through your list of alters with specific names to figure out if you like one of them). You can write a vague idea of what name/names you might like (such as "a name related to plants" or "a name that reminds me of the ocean"). You can write down multiple names. You can write down no name. You can write down that you're indifferent. Anything! Even if the answer to this question is the same every time, it's okay. Not every alter has names or anything. You can even opt for some kind of descriptor rather than a 'name' or anything else. There are no wrong answers.

- What pronouns do I like?:
Again, you can write down anything. If multiple sets of pronouns vibe, write that down! If nothing vibes, write it down! If you don't have any strong feelings/if you're indifferent, write that down too! If you don't know, write that down! There are no wrong answers!

Are there any particular labels I feel drawn to/feel I identify with?:
It can be an LGBTQ+ label (bisexual, demiboy, aromantic, lesbian, etc.), if you happen to be LGBTQ+ in any way, or a label related to something else (like "Caretaker", "Mother", "Child", etc.)

- What kind of color(s) am I drawn to?:
Darker colors? Pastel colors? Neon colors? Light colors? Etc.
This might seem like a strange one, but sometimes alters can be associated with certain colors (sometimes for trauma reasons or something else - like alters who hold a lot of anger might be associated with reds if you come from a culture where red is frequently associated with anger, for example). Some alters also just like certain colors that other alters might not.

- What do I want to do? What would I do if I had the resources (time, money, 'skill', motivation, energy, etc.) (for example, maybe you wish you could play guitar, but you can’t play guitar, don’t have a guitar, etc.)?:
- Similarly, is there anything that I might normally be interested in that I find myself no longer wanting to do?:

-- Listening to music:
What songs?
Am I singing along?
What are the songs about?
How do I feel about the music?
Are there any songs I dislike?
Any particular common genre/theme with the music I find myself liking right now?

-- Art:
- What kind of art (Digital art? Doing makeup? Sculpting? Knitting? Painting? Woodworking? Photography? Any art counts.)
- What is my art style like/what tools am I using? (If digital art, what program am I using? What brushes am I using? Etc. (Different alters might prefer to use different art programs and different art brushes!))
- What does the artwork depict? (Vent art? Are there themes of trauma? Dissociation? Fanart? Something else?)

-- Playing a game:
- What game?
- What am I doing in the game? Are there different game modes? If so, what mode am I playing? Is my character customizable, and if so, how does my character look? (Some alters might prefer to change the way the character looks to match how they might feel inside!)
- Are there any games I don't currently care for?

-- Watching YouTube:
- What is the topic of the video? (Is it about a hobby I like? A TV series? A video essay? Something else?)

-- Playing an instrument:
- What instrument?
- Am I trying to learn a specific song/songs?
- Am I making my own music? Are there lyrics to go along with it?
- If it’s a specific song (either writing your own, or trying to learn how to play a certain song on an instrument), what is it about? Any specific themes that stick out?

-- Writing:
Poetry? Working on a book/short story?
What is it about?
What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.)
Is it fanfiction?

-- Reading:
What am I reading?
What is it about?
What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.)
Is it fanfiction?

-- Something else…

- What am I thinking about?

- What am I talking about?

- How am I feeling?
Did something trigger me to feel this certain way?
If something triggered me to feel a certain way, do I know the reason(s) why? (For example, if you encountered something that brings up trauma-related feelings, etc.)
You might describe your feelings in ways other than a simple “sad”, “mad”, or “happy.” You might be more specific, such as “I feel like white noise” or “I feel like a dog” or “I feel like an ocean.” This is completely valid and an important thing to keep note of as well. You can even write down that you feel tall, or you feel a different age, or you feel like a certain character.


This list is not exhaustive, and like I said, you can simply use this template to bounce off ideas of what questions you, personally, would find most helpful! Or if none of it seems helpful, then that's okay too. I figured I would put this here because these are the sorts of things I pay attention to/try to pay attention to every so often for figuring out our differences, and it has helped me a lot. I'm not sure if it will help you, or anyone else, but I wanted to put it here!

Sorry this is such a long response!

Also, if some of your identities are more developped than others, it's okay and normal too! Each system is exactly what it needs to be in order to function. Sometimes we discover weird things like plant alters, animal alters, object alters, introjections of fictive characters or historical persons... It's weird but it's DID-normal-weird.

Each alter will be elaborated just how much they need. Some won't have names or tastes or don't care about what food they prefer. Others will be very specific in their tastes and identity and even have their own birthday. It's okay! Each is just what they need to be right now. Filling in sheets like Ethan suggested is helpful to un-tangle the alters but don't worry if some just cannot or don't want to answer these questions. They are valid and they exist just the same if their sheet is fully detailed or if their sheet is just "call me White Sheep or whatever, toodle-oo"

Also at any given time we are aware of the alters and fragments that we can work with and/or need to know in order to function. So I second Dwelt, start with the ones you know and work from here You do not need to know the whole system before starting to comfort the hurt ones and grounding everyone into the here and now and build communication. Quite the opposite: the hidden ones will be less shy if they see how you take a good care of the ones you know.

Yeah, like I said, you can edit those questions in any way you like; you can change them to fit your own needs; you can ignore them entirely and write your own questions that might be more helpful to you personally.

I mostly do it this way because a lot of our differences are just "I'm feel this specific emotion and notice that when I experience this emotion, I'm usually doing (thing)" or "when I feel this way, I find myself typing this specific way" or "when I'm talking a lot about (interest), I find myself feeling (xyz)" and stuff like that. It's not so much meant to be "find our what your distinct, unique little identities are" so much as it's trying to figure out what those dissociative barriers are.

For example, I have a distinct kind of body language when a certain trauma topic comes up. That's a specific alter. There's no name attached, no distinct individual there, just that.

And like I said as well, this isn't meant to make anyone obsess over your alters and your system and try to make yourselves out to be "different PEOPLE" or anything. It's about allowing yourself to exist as you are in the moment. The questions are more helpful for, like, trying to notice patterns of behaviors and acknowledge those patterns of behaviors and it can help to reflect on like.. Why a certain pattern might come up.

I should've clarified that, I guess.

Like, as another example, if you notice yourself feeling like an angry wolf when talking about a traumatic memory, that's probably a clue that that's an alter who is a wolf who has access to at least some of the memories and emotions pertaining to that traumatic memory. This is what the questions are helpful for, not so much as making your alters out to be "distinct people."
I'm sorry if it seemed that way.

Thank you for clarifying, I sometimes miss some subtleties since english is not my native language.

...welp I miss subtleties in french too so I guess it's not a language issue per se. xD

No worries!

Dwelt wrote:One advice I can give is: don't focus on the ones you don't know. Work with the ones you can work with. Everything you'll learn together will also help to reassure those who are still afraid (it's not because you can't communicate that they can't see you or the others), and will be useful when they'll be able to show up and communicate with you.

Thank you; I think this might be part of my problem. It bothers me not to know so I push to understand them and obviously the less open/overt parts pull away. I'm trying to get better at respecting their boundaries and letting them come to me when they're ready.

Dwelt wrote:Also, you may be interested to take a look at "Healing the fragmented selves" of Janina Fisher. It's more focused on emotions and feelings than the other resources for DID, and can be quite useful for systems who don't communicate well or not in a "classic voice in the head" way.

Thank you, we'll definitely check this out!

ethanthealien wrote:And since we as alters do not experience ourselves as distinct individuals where we just know who we are and know we are our own distinct individuals, it's less like asking my alters these questions, and more like asking MYSELF these questions. This is important.

This method actually seems like it could be really helpful for us, thank you. I hadn't heard of this until actually fairly recently, but I think we usually have nonpossessive switches which is part of why I don't necessarily relate to a lot of portrayals of DID I think. So I don't even notice sometimes, I'll just look back and realize I was incredibly out of character and it tends to be hazy, or I'll realize I "zoned out" to the point I don't remember most of it. Anyway, this is one of the few communication methods I've heard that seems like it would reliably work for us so thank you!!

ArbreMonde wrote:Also, if some of your identities are more developped than others, it's okay and normal too! Each system is exactly what it needs to be in order to function. Sometimes we discover weird things like plant alters, animal alters, object alters, introjections of fictive characters or historical persons... It's weird but it's DID-normal-weird.

Thanks, I appreciate this I think we're a little weird in that most of us are pretty complex, but we definitely have some parts who aren't "fleshed out" enough to answer questions about their tastes and opinions

mercuryandthestars wrote:I think we're a little weird in that most of us are pretty complex, but we definitely have some parts who aren't "fleshed out" enough to answer questions about their tastes and opinions

That's not weird. The people who have only super fleshed out identities are the exception, really. Or they are on they way towards healing and have fused all of their fragments into bigger, fleshed out alters.