Muddled Memories

Lately I've felt confused about certain events because I thought my memories of an event was correct but when another alter has blended with me or co-fronted they are like. 'thats not what happened!'

Or I've had memories of something happening a specific way then if another that had been part of an integration disappears inside part of the memory disappears and no longer makes sense.

I'd put it down to brain fog what with the chronic fatigue and brain fog from peri on top of the stroke but on watching others describe brain fog (on a menopause forum) I realise some of our memory fragments are too specific and detailed (which is not usual for cases of brain fog) yet there's also huge gaps!

Sometimes it's not just gaps...the same thing is remembered a completely different way eg Bobby auto cuts out all memory of hospital they remember the NDE (they were also front stuck at the time) but remember it as a vivid dream we had in bed and just woke up with a numb side from sleeping on it too long.

I remember being in hospital but find I'm confusing elements of different stays..eg I remember taking a bath...Kit says that never happened this last time, cos it was her that was in hospital the time she went for a bath and we were only in a couple of days then (that was TIA back in our 30's symptoms lasted around 24hrs)..Kit remembers we were able to walk out (though were given a stick for balance support) and they took us to the car park in hospital wheelchair. ..Maddie always remembered it as we came out of the hospital in a wheelchair and she never walked again.

This time I was unable to use the numb side unless someone else was working that side, until we discovered that was due to Maddie been a fragment in the 'Yuna mix'...once she was seperated I am now able to.

We have made progress though one side is a little weaker than other it is not so noticable now though unlesss we're really tired or try to lift something heavy..(we can't lift as heavy a weight on the weaker side) and we still have more severe Tinnitus and hearing loss on one side than the other...that is the same for whoever is in the body fronting now. ...but memory wise ...we seem to have alot of memories that are still muddled up.

Sometimes we find posts one of us have written under the collective name (especially in singleton community groups) and have no memory of writing it or don't recognise what (event) they're talking about as it doesn't match my memory of what happened... like even if it wasn't 'this me' fronting at the time...the 'passed on memory' to fill the gaps that was given to me was false??



Yuna

There's an old proverb "Nobody lies like an eyewitness" which is not to say that the person (or alter) who witnessed or lived an event actually lies about it, but that a person (or alter) will have a different memory of said event.

Angel and Aurora lived the same era of our life and both have memories of our boyfriend, but they have very different memories. Angel's memories might even be coloured by his purpose within the system at this point. Aurora just remembers him being sweet and kind and nice.

As for the lost routine memories- we sometimes joke about 'did we forget this because of the DID, the autism or the ADHD?' We have that happen in our daily life enough that it does impact us a little, but it could be a number of things. I know that you have to be hypervigilent given how some of your alters have, in the past, acted on their own and kept secrets, but sometimes that could be all it is.

Hope you get things worked out,
Violette

ViTheta wrote: I know that you have to be hypervigilent given how some of your alters have, in the past, acted on their own and kept secrets, but sometimes that could be all it is.

Hope you get things worked out,
Violette

Yeah but that was mostly from the time we didn't know about each other and when everyone suddenly started coming out relaising there were others and the 'battle for control of the front' which was triggered alot by the extreme mood swings we were having at the time. They have settled down.

I thought we'd all been working really well together these last couple of years and all working towards the same goal. Everyone is much calmer than they were apart from the occasional blip which is usually triggered by outside events that we hadn't anticipated eg the sudden letter for the phone call by the benefits people and panicking that they didn't receive the notification in time and still have no idea whats going to happen with that.

It's just gets a bit disorientating sometimes and maybe think I'm remembering one event but it actually turns out to be several seperate events

Yuna

Memory is a weird thing. Sometimes details get misplaced or mixed together because the belong to the same context. So it's commonplace, if you go often to let's say Disneyland, that after a while your different memories of Disneyland get mixed together and you are confused about, what year was it I met with Aladdin again? Was it the year of Space Mountain? Yes? No? Gosh it's all filed under Disneyland and mixed together...

It gets even foggier when the context is not a place but an emotion. If the emotion is "fear", the memories of different events when you felt that can be a bit mixed together, and you can remember seeing Freddy Krueger in the Disneyland's Haunted Mansion because you felt the same amount of fear watching Freddy's movie and going in the Mansion.

It's something singlets experience, too, though they do not always realize it because they only have one point of view on how to order the memories in the brain.

If you add to the mix all of the health issues you had these last few years, and all of the system work you did, I'm not surprised some memories got mixed together. It's annoying as fudge though, like being in a cluttered house where nothing is in its right place.

But you and your alters are all in this together and I guess they're just as annoyed as you to see the mess and disorder. I'm sure they also want the memories to be properly sorted out.