Possum Journey

Figured I'd make our own thread instead of just clogging up the day thread.

Got the IV line out maybe an hour ago now. It is very late here, about 12am, and i'm trying to cool down enough to sleep. Should be feeling a lot better in the morning hopefully. Still need to get stuff sorted out with our gender surgery post-op because of the bleeding, but I should see a urologist sometime while I'm in here. All should be good hopefully.

When we see our therapist again, I need to have a big talk to him about why he thinks we keep going through phases of hosts that keep going back to me when whichever adult our brain creates to take care of a certain period of time. Naturally this is annoying and inconvenient because I am a teenager and have really bad social anxiety and thus am not equipped to take control of our life outside of medical situations. We made really good progress when our pre-psychosis host came back in June last year but she keeps being unable to front when we get sick which is also inconvenient with how frequently we get sick. Honestly lately it feels like it's just me, little me, and Bridie, with occasional guest appearances from Kitty. My best friend keeps joking that the others disappear because they demand too much pay so "the studio" fires them.

Going to turn in now, hope everyone has a good day.

Hope the post surgery is good and you recover fast!

About why the host changes over time and depending on the situation, my guess would be: dissociation. (thanks Captain Obvious!) If you are too dissociated to be able to gather all your ressources together for all the things, then your brain becomes compartimented. One alter for when you are sick, one alter for doing the dishes, one alter for driving the car... and so on. It takes time to reconnect everybody to all the inner ressources of the brain so that anybody can do anything and nobody is left feeling overwhelmed and lost. Even younger identities can learn to be connected to all the inner ressources and become able to adult like, well, an adult!

But it takes time and work.

My own transition helped me speed up the integration (reconnexion) process because a lot of my dissociation was caused by gender dysphoria. Hopefully it will help you a bit too! Do not hesitate to have a look at the book "Coping with trauma related dissociation" it was very helpful for me to learn how to share the inner ressources across all alters!

it's just hard when we can't even get people out. even when i'm me i'm little most of the time now. it's stupid, dissociation is stupid. I want a refund on my brain

Hospital is going all over the place.

With how sick the fevers made me and now the pain it's so so so so so hard to stay big but I also can't get fully small too so I just kinda watch adult shows and feel kinda scared or bored and then try kids shows and feel kinda bored or scared so I'm working on it and I'll work it out. No more doctor shows for a bit though, they're just scary. maybe star trek TNG will be ok. just nothing where kids get hurt or men get too touchy with women. I mostly been reading fanfic about headkids but a lot of it gets a bit scary for me cos the kids are real traumatised or there's too much touching or sometimes there's the real bad kind of touching. It's stupid being a traumatised kid half the time.

Got pain relief for my line area but it's barely cutting it even though it's a heap of it. They're going to have to do an ultrasound tomorrow, but I dunno if they can fix it if they find something wrong because Jane who sits with me when I hear the gnomes told me she had a friend with a haematoma which is a blood collection and they left ehr in pain for months because the blood was in muscle and they oculdn't get to it so the blood just had to reabsorb. I'll work it out. I"m strong.

Doctors think maybe home early next week. Hopefully i can go to the lifeline book fair on the 9th and also make a trip to the mall to get a video game (Trace memory Recollection) and also sushi while I'm there. I got a craving for Inari and california rolls.

Going to sleep nowish. Will say more when I got more to say.

Dotty and Dorothea

You are strong. You've gotten to this point and you can get through this.

But yeah...we hate that you're in so much pain. We wish you felt better.

Hope you can go home soon.
Veronica.

Sending tons of moral support! It's really not fun having unhealed trauma. And it's really not fun being in pain.

It shall pass eventually but it does pass like a kidney stone...

Ok so there is some good news there gonna put the line in soon and maybe there gonna give me blood thinners for a blood clot that could be causing the pain. I hope it fixes it cos it hurts too much.

Little worried mummy got broked again. We were having a bit of a psychosis and she started forgetting who our friends are and got scared one of our friends was gonna touch her and she showed her our boobies cos that's what she thought the friend wanted but that just made the friend upset and it's hard and brains are stupid.

Line in soon too!!!!!!! GOnna be booked for the end of the week!!!!!!!!!!

Bridie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad to hear that there's progress. Take care of yourself too and try not to let all of this get too you too much.

Violette

Hello

I'm Wendy i was posting on here as little dotty but i split of so i wanted my own name so i picked wendy cos if big me is dorothea then maybe i oculd be something the same but different. I think I splitted cos i remembered some scary stuff and now i dunno what to do with it and i still hurt but less and i want to go home but i dunno if i'm going home because i got the line in but i feel really really really cold again so maybe im gonna get really cold and hot again. Have any of you had weird splits? I feel like i know some of the stuff big me did but I also don't and i feel more different every hour. I hope big me can still front and we don't lose her and we're just kids again.

Hi Wendy

Some of us have split several times too, sometimes we re-blend but other times stay split. It's hard when things are constantly up and down and pain and stuff.

I'm Sue - adult host but am struggling to stay at the front today but there's lots of 'big stuff' to deal with so have no choice at least until after nurse has been and our tablets get delivered then maybe someone can switch with me so I can get a break later today.

Take Care

Sue