Advice Needed: 'Littles' and growing up

I'm writing this in anticipation of something that hasn't happened yet but are things our little has expressed concern with in the past.

so Little Susie (currently mainly 6-8yrs old) has been in the background watching other alters 'age up' and become hosts or co-hosts at the front and with integration happening too so there are less alters 'inside' we think she may want at some point to age up to be able to join (who she see's as 'adult Bobby') up front.

She's aware she doesn't have to stay 'little' to enjoy playing video games or experiencing the inner world she's learnt that from Bobby! But she is more naive than other older adults in respect of befriending external people and them 'taking advantage' having spent most of the bodies life at 6 years old and living inside.

She also seems to like being her current age because she likes being able to communicate with other people's littles on here, which was something she never had before discovering this forum and seems 'torn' between that and being able to age up.

Anyone else been through this with their littles? what happens to them if some/most of your system decide to integrate except for a few? ...and they feel scared to be left behind inside???

Levi

My own child part is not scared nor does he feel "left behind". He still has an important role in my global everyday life and I often turn towards him because he is more sensitive to specific things like being tired or overwhelmed, so I know that if he feels overwhelmed it means I-as-a-whole need to slow down and take a break.

He still helps me choose some items while groceries shopping, too. Mostly sweets.

While we haven't healed a lot or integrated...our Pippa has stayed 13 and just likes being 13.

Thanks. Getting left behind or left out was something I think that happened alot to many of our younger parts. LS was the child host who had the pressure to be 'as much like other children' as possible so if she was getting left out or left behind then she felt she was failing 'being normal'.

We know she did host up to age 10 though she prefers to be 6...maybe due to less pressure as less aware of social pressures at 6yo than 8 or 10??

Levi

If she feels better being 6, well, let her be 6 There can be many reasons. "Less pressure" is one of them.

My own child alter (Pride) likes to stay between 4 and 6, I think it has to do either with when he split or with the fact that this is the age when kids are just independant enough to have their own independant ideas, opinions, also they have enough autonomy to do the basics without help (bathroom, eating) - and just dependent enough so that it's okay if they constantly ask for help, care, cuddles, attention etc.

Just the perfect age to be spoiled by the adult parts without being completely helpless and dependant.

Bobby has come up with an idea though we don't know if its something thats actually possible??

When we went ahead with the integration of Bobby, TS and Jay to become Levi we didn't initally relaise Bobby had split off just before so we only had a fragment of 'grown up Bobby' (who wanted to be able to front but struggles being a full time host) in the mix.

Bobby's theory is if they wanted to front as themself for a couple of hours the 'inside Bobby' just slides forwards and blends with their own fragment thats within 'Levi', so we are 'more Bobby' for the time they want out...its not a 'switch out' as such its just their personality will be more prominant for that period of time ..eg if Kit also came to front (but seperate) at that time they could play on Skyrim for a couple of hours together... inside/younger Bobby returns inside when they want ...their fragment still left up front as part of the Levi host who then just carries on with daily duties as if we just took a break but a full switch didn't happen???

If it works maybe we could do something similar for LS...maybe she could temp blend with the TS part and temporarily age up a little if she wanted to. but still retain her ability to come out as her preferred age if we (levi) goes inside/steps back so she can host with someone else. eg yesterday she came out with Kit as Kit is seperate whilst they blended temporarily to play a game LS was still 6....or maybe she can also leave a fragment of herself up front and so could others such as Kit.

Our difficulty would then be,

1) would we all be subject to trauma memories and can we make sure those arent' part of the fragments left behind especially if LS is going to be included?? ..

2) can we choose to only leave 'skill fragments' so everyone can do stuff to the same level of ability when blending with 'Host Levi'? ..

3) would that mean LS would automatically age up even if she didn't want to if she joined the blend to join in with an activity?

Levi

TheTriForce wrote:1) would we all be subject to trauma memories and can we make sure those arent' part of the fragments left behind especially if LS is going to be included??

Grounding into the here and now can ease up the trauma if it ever comes resurfacing. With time and patience it can even help healing the trauma. Do not hesitate to have a look at the book "Healing the fragmented selves..." they give examples about this.

TheTriForce wrote:2) can we choose to only leave 'skill fragments' so everyone can do stuff to the same level of ability when blending with 'Host Levi'?

It is called "sharing the skills across all alters" and it is an integration process

TheTriForce wrote:3) would that mean LS would automatically age up even if she didn't want to if she joined the blend to join in with an activity?

My guess is that, if she does not want to age up, she won't. She might experience temporarily what it means to be grown up, but she cannot forcibly age if she does not want to.


That is all, of course, IMO based upon my own experience. Things might be different for you.

ArbreMonde wrote:

TheTriForce wrote:1) would we all be subject to trauma memories and can we make sure those arent' part of the fragments left behind especially if LS is going to be included??

Grounding into the here and now can ease up the trauma if it ever comes resurfacing. With time and patience it can even help healing the trauma. Do not hesitate to have a look at the book "Healing the fragmented selves..." they give examples about this.

TheTriForce wrote:2) can we choose to only leave 'skill fragments' so everyone can do stuff to the same level of ability when blending with 'Host Levi'?

It is called "sharing the skills across all alters" and it is an integration process

TheTriForce wrote:3) would that mean LS would automatically age up even if she didn't want to if she joined the blend to join in with an activity?

My guess is that, if she does not want to age up, she won't. She might experience temporarily what it means to be grown up, but she cannot forcibly age if she does not want to.


That is all, of course, IMO based upon my own experience. Things might be different for you.

Thanks..we appreciate your advice and experience.


As far as grounding is concerned we are (all full active alters left) aware of current life as it is. I know some like to get lost in 'holodeck fantasies' or video games but they are also fully aware of our current outside life and restrictions and I think for us personally it really helps us prevent severe depression and also having a dog helps us alot with that as we have to keep at least foot in reality to take care of his daily needs..which also gets us out of the house at least once a day most of the year (weather permitting in winter)

Only the Thea/Maddie parts that have been re-discovered seem to be unaware of how much time has passed, but they seem only to be fragments that we suspect hold specific memories but no-one has blended with them yet to find out what they are. Once Teen S seperated from them so they have no ability to get to the front they appear to have gone dormant again.. we are currently unsure what to do with/about them.

We don't mind sharing most skills but feel some should be 'age specific' eg driving the scooter on the road..we don't have a car so have never had to deal with littles fronting in the middle of a trip on the motorway for example where it would be dangerous.

I think thats why we have some abilities locked to specific alters..(for safety) possibly because we did'nt know how else to manage some issues safely. eg all older alters have knowledge of how to use the mobility scooter and get our dog to the field but don't all have the same level of confidence to deal with things like driving in busier areas (round a supermarket) or handling extreme weather (with snow/ice on the roads)...we can all make a basic meal for us so we dont starve regardless of who is fronting, but some cook better than others! ..this is probably the same with everyone's systems???

Levi

TheTriForce wrote:As far as grounding is concerned we are (all full active alters left) aware of current life as it is.

Grounding goes further than the awareness of being here and now. It means, being fully present in the body, fully here. It helps managing emotions, being fully aware of the bodily needs, etc. (It does NOT mean "never daydreaming" or "never aware of the inner life" though because being cut from inner life is dissociative)

TheTriForce wrote:We don't mind sharing most skills but feel some should be 'age specific' eg driving the scooter on the road..we don't have a car so have never had to deal with littles fronting in the middle of a trip on the motorway for example where it would be dangerous.

You know your system better than I do. If this is better for you then, keep the driving away from the Littles.

TheTriForce wrote:we can all make a basic meal for us so we dont starve regardless of who is fronting, but some cook better than others! ..this is probably the same with everyone's systems???

When the dissociation is high, yes. With integration, for me, only the tastes in cooking can vary but not the overall abilities. But I'm just one example among many different people and I guess everybody has their own personal healing journey!

ArbreMonde wrote:Grounding goes further than the awareness of being here and now. It means, being fully present in the body, fully here. It helps managing emotions, being fully aware of the bodily needs, etc. (It does NOT mean "never daydreaming" or "never aware of the inner life" though because being cut from inner life is dissociative)


When the dissociation is high, yes. With integration, for me, only the tastes in cooking can vary but not the overall abilities. But I'm just one example among many different people and I guess everybody has their own personal healing journey!

I thought Grounding just meant that you (or each alter) is aware of the 'here and now' situation. We thought fusion meant you never visited the inside world either and could not feel any of the others. We have probably mis-understood the meanings! (or taken them too literally).

Technically everyone knows how to use the air fryer, hotpot etc but I think sometimes it depends on who it is, how lazy they feeling, whether they actually enjoy cooking!... eg Bobby and Kit are more likely to be interested in been on skyrim or zelda they make something quick they can eat with fingers.... sausage butties, chips etc to snack while they're gaming... Kate actually enjoys cooking and sharing the process so .. eg make cookies with LS, batch cook others favourites meals so they have an healthy version to defrost, so they're not always just eating sandwiches and crisps when they're out! TS & Sue also enjoy the cooking process as a social activity with others.

LS is never unsupervised when she's coming out at 6, but maybe she prefers that age cos it guarantee's she doesn't have to stay out fronting alone, doesn't have too many responsibilities and she feels 'looked after/loved' by the older alters??

Levi