Alter Fading

I thought I'd ask this separately, but...things have been a bit frought of late. We've had a few shifts in our system, and one of those is the appearance of a 'new' alter. The problem is, she feels like she's been there all the time. That's not unusual, but what baffled us for a time was that Alice has many of the same traits as Marcus but without the desire to hurt us. Or more accurately, she understand the rules and won't hurt any of us. She's very much a protector, but her methods of protecting us are not the best.

I want to stress, she won't hurt us, and sees the whole of the system as something to protect even if it meant hurting someone else.

But to the crux of this...when we've tried to find Marcus, he's still there only sort of. It's like he's faded. It's kind of like he's fading out of existence, and we're starting to wonder if that's what's happening. We can't even really interact with him.

I hope that all made sense.
Violette

Happened to me when some of my parts integrated into the whole system. The identity felt like it was "fading into the Force" Star Wars style. I can still "summon" them if I really need to talk to them specifically (they become "Force ghosts" like in Star Wars) but most of the time they are just everywhere and nowhere in the system at the same time.

Dunno if I managed to get the point across.

I think you did.

As time has gone along, a lot of our system has just gotten sharper and stronger. We think the need for us to be a system may never go away even as we share memories, but as time has gone along, we've had a few shifts.

In a way, because we need someone like Alice to hold certain feelings/memories, she has come into being. Meanwhile, we are losing Marcus in sort of the same way that the Goblin King in Labyrinth was defeated. Marcus no longer holds power over us, so he's fading away and what's left of him has started to become Alice.

So yes, that makes sense. Thank you,
Violette

This is sad to me because it reminds me of when Andrew fell asleep. It was absolutely devastating for me because he was me. When I say that I mean that he had been at the front for so long that I was him. When he fell asleep I was totally lost. It was as if I had died. I didn't know about DID then and I've only learned this in retrospect because it was about 20 years ago.

I could still see him and feel him but he was asleep and I just couldn't wake him up no matter how hard I tried. I worked out recently that this was because I was in a bad relationship and he must have just ducked out because he was the wrong one to front or host during that time.

Eva took over but as I said I didn't know about DID so I was unable to work out what to do in the situation.

I literally grieved for him. It was awful.

I hope you can figure it out and it all works out for you and yours.

Best wishes Western.

Western...this is actually rather nice for us.

Marcus is not a very nice alter. He spent a lot of time torturing and hurting us inside. He used to hurt others outside including our sister. He lashed out. His way of viewing things was that we had to accept the pain of what was done to us in order to be stronger even if all he ever did was just traumatize us over and over again. He's been locked away in the Asylum inside our headspace for more than a decade now, but now he's fading.

So, we're not upset about this at all.

Violette

Oh that's a good thing then.

I guess some of our past ones could have been described as gradually fading though we weren't aware and by the time we were they'd disappeared.

I guess now though knowing what we know and looking back we can kind of see how 'Thea' and 'Maddie' was fading for quite a while before they completely stopped fronting at all.

However I think things are changing again..we seem to be re-gaining the ability to come together and stay integrated for longer periods with each attempt. (at least for the ones who want to).

ViTheta wrote:Western...this is actually rather nice for us.

Marcus is not a very nice alter. He spent a lot of time torturing and hurting us inside. He used to hurt others outside including our sister. He lashed out. His way of viewing things was that we had to accept the pain of what was done to us in order to be stronger even if all he ever did was just traumatize us over and over again. He's been locked away in the Asylum inside our headspace for more than a decade now, but now he's fading.

So, we're not upset about this at all.

Violette

Reminds me a little bit of our Soldier. He's absolutely brutal, a protector,well meaning but also can be quite destructive if he's out for too long. Last time he was out was pre COVID when we was working and because of our cptsd he fronted to protect us. It all ended in catastrophe. People had to leave work because of what he/I was saying and doing and I ended up getting fired. It was when I first started seeking help. Didn't know it was a dissociative disorder. I kept getting accused of things and all I could tell people was that it's not me doing it. I really didn't understand.

He's sleeping now. Right at the back. Susu has to whisper when she's out so she doesn't wake him. He only comes out in an absolute crisis.

The place where I was working I was getting kind of emotional flashbacks from when I was a child and I believe that's why he fronted because he knew I was in danger. I do love him but he is like a nuclear weapon. I should call him Nuke.