New to DID

Thank you guys for your help. I don't think anyone has switched in years. I find no activity on my pc. I thought I lost time last year, but i'm not sure. They said they would when we are ready, but when is that? And before they just were out without warningand i had no idea the first time and the 2 nd and 3rd times i knew but i could do nothing just wait til they went back in. I've been playing games. I'm 50. I have played red dead, la noire, stuff.. i thought maybe htey were playing rdr2 with me, but idk. I find no activity at all on my pc. I laid down this morning/early afternoon feeling depressed about all this that is going on. It feels to sad for me atm. (( I have no support system at all. I mentioned did to mom and she said u don't have that. I denied it till a nice christian aquantence helped me a lot and now i can hear them better and see what's going on.
I'm kind of scared too, because I have no memory at all. I'm afraid what i may find out. I did see a child on a metal table... *atm dressed* i suppose it was me. I'm so sad. :''(( I have wonderred if something happened since about 9-10... in kindergarten i had the most filthy thoughts i tried to make them go away. months ago a bunch of chilren.. started with a little girl named B* who had red spot on her backside crying. I prayed over her and she settle on my lap. THEN OTHER CHILDREN came too! I saw tons of them!!! Mostly babies. WHAT HAPPENED. THEN i think i must be crazy, or i made it up. ( I'm just scared to face the truth, but i know i want to, i've been living with no memory for so long. (

-- Sat Oct 28, 2023 1:22 pm --

PS how do i change my time, it is off by an hour.

I'm 50 this year and i just found out last year from hearing loud voices in head. :'O( Been feeling sad today. Been mostly a sad day. I just am so tired.. I have no support syste to help me... *other ppl* ppl just don't care anymore. :'( Idk how to get them to go out. they are inside all the time.. i mean they were out years ago... 1990 and 2014 i know of that is all. I am just feeling down. On top of tha my mom is recording me when I call her! WHYYY? She's prob trying to prove i'm crazy!!! :''( Idk anymore. ( I wish I could :'( DIE.

Ok...yes, this is overwhelming.

I do wish you had more of a support system, but the community here is very helpful.

Take care,
Violette

Thank you!

Hi and welcome to the forums. You will find in my signature a link to a list of ressources on DID including some on self-help and different sorts of therapies.

blacksheepgirl wrote:How do I let them go ut if they want to. Idk am i not relaxed enough, or something.

Here is a list of ressources on communication, auto translated from french to english: https://troublesdissociatifs-wordpress- ... r_pto=wapp stay tuned for the upcoming articles! Do not hesitate to walk through the website there are other ressources on it.

blacksheepgirl wrote:i have no memory of sexual abuse, but i blv they do

One can have DID without sexual abuse. Here are a few articles about how emotional distress alone can cause DID:
https://scholarsbank.uoregon.edu/xmlui/ ... CR_rev.pdf
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2625289/
https://troublesdissociatifs-wordpress- ... r_pto=wapp

__
Not related to DID but the amount of smileys you use makes it a bit difficult for me to process what you write. Would it be possible to add empty lines after each smiley so that it is easier to read? A bit like:

example wrote:Hello my name is Bambi

I am a wapiti deer :O

I live in a big big forest

My best friend is a rabbit

I hope we can be friends too

Hello and welcome to the forum,

From what I gather, you seem to have a very ... for lack of a better word in my vocabulary "creative mind". What I mean by that it's not that you're imagining things but rather that you are capable of sustaining good visuals of what happens inside you. At the same time you are perhaps a bit out of touch with reality.

Since you can talk to them inside your inner world, I suggest you ask them what their function is in your system and what they like to do. Maybe they can help you identify (positive) triggers.

I must stress that you shouldn't force these things. Switches happen when your system thinks they are necessary.

Definitely read the articles ArbreMonde shared. They helped me a lot, even if you already did your own research.

Be nice to yourself and don't hesitate to ask questions here. The people here are very friendly.

~ Grey/ Knight

blacksheepgirl wrote: I've been playing games. I'm 50. I have played red dead, la noire, stuff.. i thought maybe htey were playing rdr2 with me, but idk. I'm just scared to face the truth, but i know i want to, i've been living with no memory for so long. (

-- Sat Oct 28, 2023 1:22 pm --

PS how do i change my time, it is off by an hour.

I was thinking of games more suitable for 'littles' if you knew you had any under 10 or something? Ours responded well to Animal Crossing I think because they could create their own character so I could see what they felt they looked like..and it had a message board in the game where they could leave messages.... doesn't have to be same game but something similar where they can create their own character to look like them.

The time thing..well clocks went back ..its an international forum though so not sure if clocks go back too in the country the site is based in?

Jay

-- Sun Oct 29, 2023 10:02 am --

Triskelion wrote:From what I gather, you seem to have a very ... for lack of a better word in my vocabulary "creative mind". What I mean by that it's not that you're imagining things but rather that you are capable of sustaining good visuals of what happens inside you. At the same time you are perhaps a bit out of touch with reality.

~ Grey/ Knight

We don't agree with this, we have alters who have created extensive inner worlds for us all to visit but still we are perfectly aware of the reality of the outer world. In fact it was the need to escape from the outside world that caused the creation of the inner world in the first place.

Yes we have (to be seen) to be able to live in 'the real world' to not end up in a hospital or care home etc but we believe you can find a balance and enjoy both! We have found having a dog keeps us grounded enough with one foot in the real world to meet his daily needs, whilst still being able to enjoy communication with the inner world too. Seeing ourselves as a family and team helped us.

Jay

Ai. I didn't mean it as not thinking the world isn't real.
I meant it as their connection (especially of the alters) to the outside is not as strong as the inside meaning they might see more reason to stay indoors so to speak?
I only just now realised after your message that "out of touch with reality" has connotations that I should have clarified upon too.

Sorry!

~ Grey/Knight

I know that people can have it without sexual abuse, but like I mentioned I started wondering about 9-11 if I'd been sexually abused part of my family is/was in a secret society. I've been terrified of men my .. prob close to my entire life. My mom said when she took me to the dr when i was 2 and my dad as well went with us. I was terrified of him. They'd say aww, he's just an old man, but I've been terrified of old men then it became all men. I heard children talking about grandpa in my head. he's the one i always wondered if i was hurt by. I'm just saying a lot of stuff points to it. :/ But i have no memory of it. I used to have a great memory, now it is horrible. :/ There was other abuse too, but idk... Guys walk close to me and i'm begging them inside pls don't hurt me... PLS don't hurt me. Sounds funny... eh? Multiple things point to that.... there's nothing i can do because i don't have any memory. in kindergarten like I said on pg 1 i blv i mentioned that i had the most filthy thoughts about grownups. I hated the thoughts. I wanted them to go away. i saw a man's part on my kindergarten teacher's body in my head. i couldn't make it go away.. so sounds suspicious right? That's all I have to go by, i know other abuse can cause it and so on, but i think the big part is that because i have no memory and i was asked out in hs and i was terrified he'd hurt me. i never did, though i secretly wanted to. :/ It's ruined my life. i only had about 2 bfs .. weren't good.. the one used to put bruises n stuff on me. I just wanted one so bad in college. Was stupid to even want one I knew they would prob hurt me... So now I won't get married, date, etc. I'm scared of guys. At night i'm scared. i get scary thoughts out of no where.. he's gonna hurt you, someone's gonna hurt u.. blah blah.. i think something must've happened otherwise i'm just crazy. :/

-- Sun Oct 29, 2023 5:56 am --

That's just me. I always do lots of emojis. Idk why. That's just me.

-- Sun Oct 29, 2023 5:59 am --

I only saw it bc of talking to ppl i would never have thought it .. i tried to imagine what it would be like... i couldn't get anything together in my head.. i never knew there could be a house i only saw part of a hallway, a tiny piece of a room and part of a playroom.. :O It was in pieces. Not the whole room. I only saw the carpet and door way of one room and the other room was like my vision was cut out for most of it.

-- Sun Oct 29, 2023 6:00 am --

i don't want to force anything i just am confused.

I've been researching for about 10-11 years now and i've read so much. I've watched videos of people who are "experts" in the field and so on. I just don't know how much more I can read. I like to get info on stuff, just i've watched and read so much in the last 10/11 yrs... I never would have thought i could have this stuff.. the guy who runs a website with big huge info on DID told me it sounded like i have it last march. i argued with him. No I don't! No i don't! No i don't! I even accused him of trying to brain wash me! But finally i heard voices. if u asked me before then i'd say no. I find it so difficult to talk to people any more because so many toxic out there. I was called a schizophrenic by a caseworker but she never told her psychiatrist boss that she thought i was schizophrenic... she just said it to be rude. It's easier to hide from everyone cause people hurt and i get tired of being hurt by people. It's just easier to put it all in a box and throw it away.

-- Sun Oct 29, 2023 6:09 am --

What i hate about DID is one person says, "Oh sounds like you are so making it up." then the nexxt says... "Sounds like demons..." then the next says.. "you day dream to much.." then another says "that's not how it works my DID is this if yours isn't this way then.. you don't have it. Makes me want to just give up!!! :'(