Western: The Journey's End

Yeah he's been really good.

I'm starting to think that quite a large part of me is pretty well integrated. I mean I can't be 100% certain of this.

It's just because I can remember many years ago that there was two very distinct parts. 1 male and 1 female and then I seem to remember a kind of coming together of those two parts in particular. Because I can remember feeling different from a male and a female into like a merge of the two. Maybe this is just a different identity because way back then I knew nothing of all this DID stuff and I just kept it all to myself. But I can remember thinking at the time that it felt like two heads mixing together. I see a lot of this in picture form.

This was probably quite a significant shift in me at the time although I didn't know it.

I feel like the mid 1990s was a time of great change for us. I feel like during this time there was some kind of unrest inside and the identities where altering in some way.

It was difficult because I thought I had schizophrenia at the time because I didn't know about DID and there was so much going on. It was then I had to warn myself to not tell anyone about what I was going through. So I didn't and it was only in 2020 that I had no choice but to go into therapy and it was then discovered I have a dissociative disorder. I still don't understand it and I still struggle to come to terms with it.

It's been a long journey for us.

So now we're a system of 7.

Andrew (13 and male)
Western (7 and female)
Western (18 and female)
Soldier (older and male)
The Twins: Left and Right (no age and genderless)
Reason (older and male)

Very early on, we thought we were a very small system (of about four-ish). As time has gone on, we found far more of us existed. Some have kind of been quiet while others more active. I do hope that your journey will go well while finding the others in your system.

Take care,
Violette

It's not as if I didn't know that those three were there, I sort of did but when they front I'm not really present. I can sort of hear them but when they go back I can very rarely remember what they've said and sometimes I can remember but it's like an echo. Like I'll wake up and come back to the front and think to myself that I can remember someone just shouting but I don't know what about.

So they have always been there. It's just this last couple of days I feel more of a connection to them. I can only see this as progress so I'm really pleased with myself.

Sounds like progress to me. The better the communication between all your parts/facets/alters, the less interference/struggles you will have to deal with in daily life. Communication is the foundation of solid teamwork after all.

Here's to continued progress!

~ Grey/ Knight

Thank you. I'll be seeing my T next week so I can tell him all about it. I spoke to him briefly today on the phone but I'm better face to face.

I think the main important reason for me to be able to accept my system is that it helps me to see the reason as to why it developed in the first place. I don't remember life before my system and that's fine but I understand now that my system was like a birth in itself so life before that doesn't really matter. I also have learned that my system was born out of a need to find order within absolute disorder. Just knowing this has allowed me to understand so much about myself. And I know this because my system is really ordered and logical and it makes absolute and perfect sense to me (maybe not to anyone else). And I can see that as a small child I would have definitely lacked that in the environment that I was living in.

I am glad that things make sense for you now! It's always a big relief when things start to make sense.

Yeah it's like I can see clearly for the first time in my life.

I mean I would prefer to not have such a disorder but at least I can see a way forward with it now.