Husband had an affair, please help

mrslspinks wrote:Hey Bates,

Yeah, I know, and I guess it's hard to keep remembering that this is not new, just recently discovered. I guess the not knowing what caused this or why he has this bothers me a lot. So, tell me, if these are all parts of him, just fragmented, wouldn't these make up who he is as a whole?

Only exaggerated. Maybe as a whole, he's bit of a horndog, but not a TOTAL jackrabbit like his sexual alter. Maybe he's a tad angry, but not TOTALLY pissed off. So on and so forth.

Every alter developed from the same basics, but they all developed like any other child and adolescent would separately. So like Bates said, it is who he is as a whole, only more extreme, every part of the whole can function and interact and feel and think and have certain tastes and tendencies and qualities just like a separate person that is whole can have. And that multiple the times he split.. so it's a whole with a far wider breadth than the 'normal' wholes who walk the earth have. Which is why people with DID use a higher percentage of the brain than 'ordinary' people..



triggering piece :



I read this a couple of days ago and wasn't able to come online, but I wanted to comment on his sex addicted alter. There is a sexual alter in this system too, and I wanted to explain that it can be a cause of abuse for such an alter to form. When you're young and already get in touch with sexual experiences, the development can get very unhealthy and the child can get feelings he/she can't cope with. Some children block these feelings forever and are unable to have them later on in life, and some are overflown by them and have no way to go, no-one to help them out.. in the case of DID, this is where the sexual alter often comes in. Every desire that's awoken in them so early because of those @@$#$%!#@$people are placed with said alter, as are the often wrong ideas of what sexual experiences are or ought to be.. power, humiliation; you name it.
And I wanted you to know that, despite what this alter did while your husband has/had a severe lack of control and lack of communication and of consciousness of what's happening, that it's highly possible that this alter carries a lot of trauma. I don't know if this information will help you in this retrospect, but perhaps it'll come in handy sometime. Take care!

It helped me Dimensional.
I have been struggling with my sexual alter, and coming to terms with her. its been difficult for me to really accept her but I think it helped to hear about it from anothers point of view...
thanks.
Amber

Yes Dimensional,

It definitely helps me as well. The more I chat with everyone here, the greater the understanding is. So, would someone who developed DID because they were physically or emotional abused, have a sex addicted alter? Or are sex addicted alters mainly found in those who were sexually abused?

Glad I managed to help more than one person with my piece about sexual alters. Hope accepting will get easier for you Amber. I'll go to the topic you made to give you my two cents on your question mrslspinks.