Amnesia

This is weird because I have amnesia. I can remember very little about my childhood in particular.

I know that I always hated Christmas and birthdays but I have very little or no memory of those occasions.

The thing is is that I didn't even know until this week that I have no memory of these things.

It's like I always thought I had memories because I always had negative emotions about them but when I've actually thought about it and try to remember why I had these feelings I just have no memory. It's like a blank space.

How can I have gone so many years with amnesia but not know that I have amnesia.

This doesn't even make sense to me.

It's called "amnesia on amnesia" (not remembering that you have amnesia) and it's pretty common and the reason number one why people with DID have such a hard time realizing they have DID. Because we forget, then we forget that we forgot.

And we're the same. We now know that Veronica, Lilith, Gia, and a few others hold some of the memories from childhood. We do our best to ignore/skip Christmas because that causes Veronica to panic. I think I've mentioned a few times how we created a 'false memory' as a way to forget. We remembered buildings but they were empty. We knew we lived in this place or that place but the actual memories were absent.

As Arbremonde said, it's pretty normal for people with DID.

Violette

ArbreMonde wrote:It's called "amnesia on amnesia" (not remembering that you have amnesia) and it's pretty common and the reason number one why people with DID have such a hard time realizing they have DID. Because we forget, then we forget that we forgot.

Yeah that's exactly what happens. Sometimes I have these big realisations about having DID and it completely overwhelms me and then it's gone again and then it happens again where I remember. Each time it's like I'm remembering for the first time. But I know I'm not.

I'm glad it's normal anyway. Thank you both for your reassurance.

we experience amnesia and have big chunks missing mainly from the 2 alters that disappeared that had done most of college work etc. I don't remember any of their days, people from their classes etc don't know if any of the others do...but have their skills such as typing or signing..maybe cos Bobby learned them too.

I know Kit and Bobby have memories no-one else has they can also deliberately block others from access to them..I don't know how but they are the trauma holders and probably why they won't agree to integrate with anyone...probably to protect us from them.

Jay

It's weird because if it was that I just couldn't remember my childhood then I could say that my memory has faded but I can remember a lot of things. Like playing outside with friends. I can remember going in other people's houses and spending time with other people's families. But when I think about things to do with my family and my family home it just all goes black or I can see instances but it looks like pieces of a smashed mirror.

Memory is a strange thing though...I've had a 2 day break inside but I can access memories of what the others have been doing, but yet I look back on the overall life and there's chunks missing.. We were also an anti epileptic meds twice in our life for years that coincide with where chunks of memory are missing for most of us and we've also had mini strokes that affected memory and are at risk of vascular dementia because of them and thats not even including the effects of switching and having several alters carrying different memories.

How do you distinguish where one type of memory starts and another ends?...would we realise we were developing vascular dementia given that we already expect to have some memory loss and that's 'normal' for us?

It's a worry as I suspect it would affect our ability to remain covert if one came to the front not remembering that we hadn't told anyone if they were asking..where's Bobby? etc and people had no idea what we were talking about as only a couple of names of insiders have same name as someone on the outside...maybe even by coincidence. (eg new acquaintance etc with a same/similar name).

Jay

Am with Jay here. Memory works in mysterious ways.
Even in a normal brain, it's possible for a human to takeover what happened to someone else as something that happened to themselves while it never did.

I've been struggling with the idea of having DID for several reasons but mostly because of the amnesia on top of amnesia thing. It's like that funny scene in Harry Potter with the kid and the memory ball and the memory ball tells him he forgot something but he can't remember what he forgot.

I can't remember things initially after a switch but recently I get filled in by the alter who leaves, the alter who was watching, or I can simply read it back in a chat. When I think further back there's gaps that I can't fill in and nobody is willing to fill in either. Every time I "recall" something I wasn't present for, I can see myself doing it and things are pieced together whereas everything I remember myself, I see from my perspective.

It's certainly one of the more confusing things that happen, even with half-decent communication between parts.

~ Grey/Knight