Can it be DID if I always have control and memory?

Yes, between persona and alter, I am aware I am taking a different persona, but persona I didn't take feels foreign yet to some extent familiar, but I only become conscious of other personas when I feel receptive to them, and I can therefore completely off other personas, including the one I was born with, which is a bit harder because it feels a bit unnatural, especially if persona I am taking significantly deviates from the one I was born with.

I can also withdraw, I stay assigned to consistency, yet like I am in idle mode; overall I feel like my born consistency, yet I clearly still am consistency I assigned, I feel friction when I go against currently assigned consistency.

It can take some time to gather all the pieces of one's self (or system of selves) to find the consistency. Be patient with yourself/ves. You will find a way. Let everything come to you and it will, I promise.

I am sorry if we find it confusing, but what is 'consistency' in this context?

But we have to agree that patience is quite the virtue in this situation. Figuring out oneself or oneselves is not an easy thing to manage.

Amelia

@ViTheta

I call persona/alter a consistency, since everyone have their own path, and even if a change occurs, the change is consistent to how each of them are, just a phase of their growth.

Oh ok, that was confusing. I call them an "identity" since I am very very integrated and still have minor fluctuations from identity to identity. (also it's the clinical vocabulary)

Yeah, you all helped enough, and I thank you a lot for that. It is definitely something between persona and alter, so if I have to diagnose it, it would be OSDD. Yet I was born with just one persona/alter and there was no integration problem, I just created other kinds of me in response to some oppressive or repressive event in my life.

The best way to describe my creations is on hypothetical example of a woman with personality unfitting for raising a child eventually giving birth to one so creating other kind of her that would definitely feel foreign to her in some way. However, it would mainly be a variation of her more suitable for raising a child, and for something like that, it is not enough to just be a persona presented to others, such creation has to have some life relevant only when she is receptive to that life, and thus that creation can take an executive control of her when she seeks that. Such creation would never be able to integrate into her, such creation would always be another consistency that is not born consistency, meaning a consistency she was not born with, yet consistency she can definitely live for the rest of her life if that is what she would like.

What you describe is exactly how dissociative disorders happen to be. Depending on how early the dissociation starts in life, the structure observed in the adult will be different and the diagnosis will be different.

AW10 wrote:Yeah, you all helped enough, and I thank you a lot for that. It is definitely something between persona and alter, so if I have to diagnose it, it would be OSDD. Yet I was born with just one persona/alter and there was no integration problem, I just created other kinds of me in response to some oppressive or repressive event in my life.

I don't understand your example but I believe I Bobby am the core personality and others developed due to pressure to conform to 'being normal'. I am autistic and the most avoidant in our system..the more demands came the more I retreated into my inner world and made that world more powerful. Blending with my phoenix on the inside gave me the ability to mimic someone else, once we had done it once, they could split off and become the 'social mask', this way we created many over the years to fit in with whatever was needed and to compensate each time the inner world became stronger or another holodeck program was created that made the fantasy more intense.

Our inner world is a symbol of defiance that it survived 50+ years of being programmed to 'act normal' rather than being accepted to 'be myself'. ..still I see other people with autism and I know my parents were only trying to help and give me my best chance to live independently and being able to achieve that means my 'others' have remained secret all our life.

Bobby

I think what Abre was trying to say is that in DID (and other dissociative disorders) people all have the initial, original personality and thanks to oppressive/repressive/traumatic events (or whatever you want to call it), other personalities are "formed" to help deal with these events.

One theory is that everyone, regardless of disorder or not, is born with multiple personalities that integrate into one personality as a child is growing up, however traumatic events can interfere with this integration resulting in DID and similar disorders. These personalities can stay "asleep" or "hidden" until they are triggered later in life. So it could very well be that you only had two personalities when you were young and growing up you suddenly have twelve. Or maybe you had two, went back to one, and then suddenly had twenty and now you have three.

I believe I Bobby am the core personality and others developed due to pressure to conform to 'being normal'. I am autistic and the most avoidant in our system..the more demands came the more I retreated into my inner world and made that world more powerful. Blending with my phoenix on the inside gave me the ability to mimic someone else, once we had done it once, they could split off and become the 'social mask', this way we created many over the years to fit in with whatever was needed and to compensate each time the inner world became stronger or another holodeck program was created that made the fantasy more intense.

This is what happens in DID as well, only the process is not conscious. From your description, and correct me if I'm wrong, you seem to consciously "create" identities. That's why I thought maladaptive dreaming was an option as well.
The "pressure to conform to being normal" is a trauma that is often ignored. Any situation that inhibits you in living comfortably can end up damaging.

Hope that doesn't make things more confusing for you.

~ Grey/ Knight