Alter left after I got mad at them

Alter showed up a few days in a row. Wouldn't leave me alone. I got very stressed. I snapped at them as a result, wanting them to go away. They said "no" but left a minute later.

I don't think they can fully front/switch, atleast yet. They were co-con I think.
I don't have great access to the inner world either.
I have no clue how to reach them (the alter I snapped at) and get them to feel comfortable again to 'being with me'.
I have horrible communication with my other alters, I can't reach the others at all, except the fact that I know they are there inside my head. So the others can't help me.

The alter I snapped at I have great communication with, I mean, when they were around I could hear their wants/needs clearly, feel their presence, and have a tiny convo with them if I wanted to (they have limited vocabulary and aren't as smart as me, I think).

I feel really bad at how I treated them. I don't know how to reach them, they feel "gone".
I'm not comfortable sharing what they like or their possible positive triggers, for their/mine safety, but advice/ideas on what to do are appreciated.
If any of you have went through something similar and managed to get your alter "back", pls share that too, would love to hear about your experience with situation similar to mine.


thanks

Sometimes we are not ready yet to interact with an alter and it's okay to ask them kindly to step back. Though snapping is understandable given the amount of stress some alters can cause.

Apologizing is always a good idea to start with. Then you can explain that you are stressed out when the alter tries to communicate the way they did and that it is NOT the alter's fault. Nor yours. It is just a bad match between a stress level and a way of communicating.

Then you can suggest other ways for the alter to express themself, ways that would feel less stressful for you. As well as think about other ways you can tell the alter "not now please, I'll be back to you as soon as possible" without snapping.

You can also check books like "Coping with trauma related dissociation" and "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" as well as the ressources list (link in my signature)

ArbreMonde wrote:Sometimes we are not ready yet to interact with an alter and it's okay to ask them kindly to step back. Though snapping is understandable given the amount of stress some alters can cause.

Apologizing is always a good idea to start with. Then you can explain that you are stressed out when the alter tries to communicate the way they did and that it is NOT the alter's fault. Nor yours. It is just a bad match between a stress level and a way of communicating.

Then you can suggest other ways for the alter to express themself, ways that would feel less stressful for you. As well as think about other ways you can tell the alter "not now please, I'll be back to you as soon as possible" without snapping.

You can also check books like "Coping with trauma related dissociation" and "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" as well as the ressources list (link in my signature)

thanks, that helps. I'll definitely take a step back (from the alter) for a bit more until I'm fully calmed down and can communicate properly with the alter again, then I'll follow through with your suggestion. The "suggesting other ways" for the alter I like and is a very good smart idea, can't wait to try that out with the alter when I'm ready.