still around; trying to return to the fourms

Hi all, Wolf here --

I wanted to check in and say hey to you all.

We are still around. Still stuck in the parent's house. We were supposed to escape this year - we graduated college - but we don't have the job we need to move yet (we plan to move somewhere far away; a friend is helping us find a place we just need a job). It's... not easy being stuck here all day but it's not as bad as it could be -- parents are at work all day, I have a few things I'm doing but mostly I am in the house. It is not ... easy. We want to leave so bad.

Our old T who was DID Specialist retired (she improperly terminated with us it really hurts still) and the new T kinda... she's trauma informed but not DID. And she's kinda blunt and I dunno. She's alright but I don't think she can do much for us anymore-- our issues get more DID specific as time goes on. It hurts.

Lots of bad stuff (not abuse or such, just. Genuinely crummy things) have happened this year with primary abusers side of the family so we've been stuck dealing with that until recently.

We're relatively (?) OK. It's... we look alright on the outside but it is not good. We don't do anything. We just sit around all day on the phone on social media. Not even talking to people. Just scrolling. Well I mean I am talking to friends on a messaging app but ... I don't do hobbies. I just sleep or scroll. I can't leave the house (disability). I have very few IRL friends. I am so sick of living this way. I feel like it will maybe change once we leave but we don't know when that will be.

And I feel like I lied. To the rest of the system. I said - promised - we would be free after we left school. And we are not. And it aches and gnaws so badly.

We are still here. It is very hard but we are. I want to be active on the fourms again; besides the Specialist T and the group I was in, this place has helped the most. And I appreciate you all. I hope all of you have been managing to make it through OK. And if not that you're being kind to yourselves.

That's all. Thanks for reading.

- Wolf

I’m sorry to hear you’re still stuck. We thought we’d be out when we finished school too—we finally moved out this year, a couple years late but better than never. I know everyone says this, and it may feel like it now, but it won’t be like this forever. What kind of jobs have you been checking out? We got a customer service job that pays more than a couple bucks per hour, but you guys should have a lot of opportunity from your college experience. Good luck and take care

- Nata (he/him)

Hi Nata and anyone else there too,

Thanks for the kind words. Logically I know it's just a setback not a ending but emotionally wood chipper if that makes sense. I guess the biggest thing is not being sure when things change for the better. Applying for jobs continues and of course you can't promise a specific time frame form that to be successful, nevermind be able to know exactly when you'll get to go.

It isn't all bad I think -- gives me more time to get the rest of my things out first; I have a place in the area I am moving to where I'm holding things, it's just a matter of finishing sending from my end.

I'm looking mostly in the communications sector, but I'd be willing to do more intern-y or secretary-ish work at like a university or nonprofit or such. Limited in that any job I get needs to be either close enough to get a ride to or be remote, so a lot of the more common entry jobs aren't possible like retail. I also have a few areas I just can't do, because it will make my mental health worse, like sales. Not hating on people who do that, in fact I admire them, but personally I cannot do it.

In any case I'll just keep applying. The whole job hunt thing ducks though... very disheartening and draining. ):

- Wolf

Hey wolf
Is there an aprentaship you could do so you gets paid and a place to live? Its bumjuice not getting to live where you wanna but sometimes you gots to do a somfin what is a stepping stone.

Hi, it's Ruth!!!! I think. Wolf is here too. (:

That's a great idea!!! I dunno if there are ones that let you live with them but we also haven't looked yet so maybe there are... I really hope so. That would be really nice and helpful.

We were supposed to live with the friend who is helping us but then the people that own the neighborhood said we can't. ): But it's okay we will live near our friend-- they said there is a nice other place that is really kind to people and we would be safe there.

It sucks to wait tho.... I wish we didn't have to...

But it'll be okay, I think.

- Ruth