Could this be an unknown alter, or something else?

I've been currently communicating with an alter who hasn't showed up in awhile. She had been doing fine for the most part, until recently she went back to her old ways. She will talk to me about how she mourns someone she cannot be with romantically. She's described this in great detail, including their name, appearance, memories, and sometimes, she even tells me where they were at the moment.

The thing is that... I don't think this person exists, at least not to my memory. She herself even admits that they show up in a vision and talk to her when she's hurt. At first I wondered if this was a way of coping with past trauma, as the person she describes does share similar traits with someone we were once with. However, she insists they're nowhere near related, which makes me think... Perhaps this is some kind of headspace thing, and it just so happens to be an alter only she can communicate to? I'm sorry if this all sounds odd. I just want some kind of explanation from somebody who might know more about this than I do, and for us to be happier as well.

This could be another alter.

Or this could be a "NPC" - an Innerworld construct existing to provide support and comfort.

In both cases it can be used as a way to self-soothe during difficult times which is nice. As long as you are all aware this person exists only in your mental space, it's a completely normal and healthy way to recieve comfort and support when there is nobody from the outside world available to provide.

NPC — that is a term I've heard before but never really looked into. I'm definitely going to be doing my research now haha
I feel even better knowing that this is a safe form of comfort over anything else

We have fictives and spirits in our system too. Maybe they miss the person their 'friend' is based on? Was your alter around alot when you with the person ? (their friend is based on)

I think for us the littles created fictives from their favourite tv programs to be their friend due to been unable to relate to NT children (we're autistic too). And older teen and adult alters have had a spirit figure in the image of our mum who died when we just out of our teens also as a way of comfort again because there was very little support in the outside world. We consider her our 'soul braid'

I know she only exists within our system and no-one else can see, hear or feel her presence, but she fills a void for us and I once read our brains can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality..so if thinking about or imagining something makes you feel happy your brain will release dopamine the same as if thinking about a 'currently alive' person (with their own physical body) made you feel the same. I say that because she did once exist in this life as a real person with her own body. (ie as my mum)

I see her as different to our fictives though who technically have never actually existed in the real outside world, (as they are based off TV characters or mythical creatures) and who none of us ever had a relationship with in the 'outside world', but still they make our littles feel equally as happy in the inner world and they obviously still NEED them.

TheTriForce wrote:We have fictives and spirits in our system too. Maybe they miss the person their 'friend' is based on? Was your alter around alot when you with the person ? (their friend is based on)

They're the only person who really shares the memories that we were with them. Otherwise, I really only have texts to go on that prove that I even knew the person before. She definitely misses them a lot, as she never truly got over them.

TheTriForce wrote:I think for us the littles created fictives from their favourite tv programs to be their friend due to been unable to relate to NT children (we're autistic too). And older teen and adult alters have had a spirit figure in the image of our mum who died when we just out of our teens also as a way of comfort again because there was very little support in the outside world. We consider her our 'soul braid'

I know she only exists within our system and no-one else can see, hear or feel her presence, but she fills a void for us and I once read our brains can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality..so if thinking about or imagining something makes you feel happy your brain will release dopamine the same as if thinking about a 'currently alive' person (with their own physical body) made you feel the same. I say that because she did once exist in this life as a real person with her own body. (ie as my mum)

I first want to say that it's nice to meet a neurodivergent system, and you're definitely not alone on not relating to NT children. I still have troubles relating to NT people today, lol. I do sincerely wish you all have been feeling alright since the events you speak of.

I guess the main problem is that they used to give her comfort. As time has gone on, she's felt way more guilty about it. Another one of us told her that they weren't worth caring about as they weren't "real enough", and tried to antagonize her experiences. Ever since, she's been mixed between the comfort and joy this person gives them, to immense guilt and sadness. It has definitely helped a little to see that this experience is more common than we thought, as well as a healthy way to cope. I just hope that she can feel the same as well.

Galatea45 wrote:I guess the main problem is that they used to give her comfort. As time has gone on, she's felt way more guilty about it. Another one of us told her that they weren't worth caring about as they weren't "real enough", and tried to antagonize her experiences. Ever since, she's been mixed between the comfort and joy this person gives them, to immense guilt and sadness.

It's very common to feel shame and guilt for having ""imaginary friends"" in Occidental cultures. Such experiences are thrown under the rug of "abnormal" and "pathological" (especially by poeple who don't know shirt about psychology...) while some other cultures give space to such experiences (usually through spirituality or religion).

It is completely normal to have ""imaginary friends"" and to turn towards them for comfort. It is a universal human experience and nothing to be ashamed of. It is even more common for us neurodivergent folks because we often lack secure attachment towards other humans due to school bullying, lack of reliable and relatable attachment figure, higher levels of stress and dissociation, etc. Because they are ""imaginary"" does not make them fake! They are the embodiement of real internal ressources from our brains! They are super important for comfort and self-regulation. And since they are important and valuable and helpful, there is no shame to have.

Galatea45 wrote:I first want to say that it's nice to meet a neurodivergent system, and you're definitely not alone on not relating to NT children. I still have troubles relating to NT people today, lol. I do sincerely wish you all have been feeling alright since the events you speak of..

I think you'll find a lot of neurodivergent systems exist including us.

The whole subject of guilt over imaginary friends baffles me. We often just talked to our 'imaginary friends' like they were people and our parents just wrote off that we were doing it for whatever reason. We actually had less trouble accepting being a system because of the notion of there being all these different identities inside our shared mind-space than we did accepting that our caretakers and gatekeeper wove a fictional life to hide the trauma.

Sometimes we still argue with each other and discuss things. We just do it quietly.

Lilith

Oh my gosh, you all are so sweet. It's very interesting to see such a welcoming and kind space for... Well, everything! You've brought a ton of perspectives that are new news to me.

I had parents who were quite the opposite, actually. Once I got "too old" for having things like imaginary friends, they threatened to take away my access to the internet entirely because they believed that was the cause of it. Specifically, I remember a lecture where they were angry I was zoning out and smiling because they thought I was caring about something that "wasn't real". Looking back on it, that was definitely not the way to handle it at all.

As of recently with the help of this forum and some trusted friends, I find that she, the other alter, has been in a much better mood. I believe she's even picked up some new hobbies in order to express herself and her old friend

Our parents were more neglectful than abusive. Our dad was from a time when men were supposed to provide for their family and not really show that they loved their children. Our mom was erratic. Sometimes she would shower us and our sister with lots of love and attention and others she would just ignore that we existed. There are a few other things that has made our sister think that our mom may have had OSDD or DID.

We would dissociate all the time, but it got chocked up to being bored. The thing is, it could have been a combination of trauma (as it started heaviest at age six), the autism, or ADHD.

It's wonderful that your other alter has gotten to feel so much better and has gotten to work on activities that she loves. Last night I got to play one of my favorite games and watch a few cartoons I love.

Hope things are well,
Lilith.