How to be less afraid of alters fronting?

For some background information, my alters talk to me often about wanting to be their own individuals. They want to front more often, make social media accounts, get into their own hobbies, ect. I've found that others claim to me that they could help get my life under control, or that they'd be better off fronting over me, but I find myself refusing it and repressing them regardless.
I'm aware that this is unfair, but I feel like I can't do anything else about it. Multiple people in my life know that I have DID, and even tell me they're very nice people, yet I feel scared to lose control of my own life. Even worse, having them unintentionally hurting us from either being impulsive or from innocently wanting to be themselves. What should we do?

Galatea45 wrote:my alters talk to me often about wanting to be their own individuals

Good idea and bad idea. All the alters in a system are one collective individual. It's okay to want to explore different things but all alters are, together, one individual. So it's a balance to keep between "exploring our different identities/alters" and "keeping it together in one collective shared responsibility and life".

It's a complicated balance. You will find clues on how to do it on books like "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors", "Coping with trauma related dissociation", and websites such as *mod edit* (automatic translation from french) and https://www.dis-sos.com/

Galatea45 wrote:They want to front more often, make social media accounts, get into their own hobbies, ect.

Front more often: good idea. They have different points of view, different abilities than yours so allowing them to front or at least be co-present with you allows you to have access to more abilities, thoughts, emotions... and it's nice.

Different social media accounts: bad idea IMO. It's best to have one shared account and find a way to make it comfortable for everybody to use, with one username everybody agrees on, files to organize your different interests, etc. Different profiles on online streaming subscriptions is a nice idea too, at least by centre of interest.

Different hobbies: a very nice idea, just make sure everything keeps under control budget-wise, time-wise and clutter-wise.

Galatea45 wrote:I've found that others claim to me that they could help get my life under control, or that they'd be better off fronting over me, but I find myself refusing it and repressing them regardless.

You need to get together and have a long chat about it. Nobody is better than any other but some can be more specialized for specific areas. Some alters can be more specialized for stress management, housecleaning, budgetting, relaxing/having fun etc. and all of you together are needed for a healthy balanced life. There are tips on how to get organized together in the book "Coping with trauma related dissociation" as an example.

Galatea45 wrote:I feel scared to lose control of my own life. Even worse, having them unintentionally hurting us from either being impulsive or from innocently wanting to be themselves.

Allowing alters to front will give you more control in the end because you will have access, as a system, to a larger panel of possible abilities, ressources, actions, emotions etc. so you can better choose what to do, better manage triggers etc. Regarding safety, it is something that you need to discuss all together, where are the limits to be respected, etc. As an example if you have a limited budget you need to all agree together on how to spend it. If some of you have difficulties managing to drive a car, they must avoid doing it or at least get another driving-able alter to be co-pressent and co-pilot the body to make sure you stay safe. Etc.

Remember that if one of you does something, it means the whole brain decided that it was the best course of action at that moment given the informations you had on the situation. Even if afterwards you are angry about what happened. Everybody can get angry at themself for acting "bad" but it's more difficult for us DID because it means one alter is angry at another and it hurts more. So compassion is very important too, and lots of communication and talking things over etc.

Dont hesitate to have a look at the ressources thread I linked in my signature you'll find other ressources to check and learn from.

The french link should be this one my apologies : https://troublesdissociatifs-wordpress- ... r_pto=wapp

This is an incredibly thought out response – thank you for your time. Everything you said makes plenty of sense, and we definitely need to communicate more. I'll be looking into the resources as well