dealing with overwhelming anger

Trigger warning about some unpleasant things like sexual assault. For the whole post.

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I could use a little advice. I helped raise my nieces for some years after their father abandoned them, and they are like daughters to me. One of them just came to me to ask for help, as she had lost her self discipline, couldn't motivate herself, and was having states were she blacked out, and others where everything seemed unreal. These symptoms seemed serious, and upon questioning her, I found that she had been raped a year ago and never told anyone, and was not dealing with it well, or at all.

I am trying to support her, and to convince her to get real, professional help, as her symptoms and the fact that she has not addressed this are worrying. She refuses, and insists that she has dealt with it and is fine.

I get that I can't force her to get help, and all I can do is be there for her.

We seem to need some, though. We are very protective of them, and this seems to have really set off Hyde and the Wolf. For days, we have been overwhelmed by rage. And some rather dark thoughts, all directed at the %$@#$$%^! who did this but can't reach, as he is on the other side of the world. Can't focus. Or sleep. Every muscle has been tensed up maximally. Rapid heart rate. High blood pressure. Hyperventilation.

I (Lily) have been trying to get control and calm them down, but I keep getting tossed about by the storm of their emotions. Hard time keeping the front. Probably not helping that this is bringing up some old memories and issues we'd rather not examine.

It is getting better, I am regaining my footing, they are trying too, but it is still not good.

We had to keep reigning in Valyria, who is our most explosive protector. There have been a few instances where she has punched things and broken them. She nearly broke our hand once doing that. We had to learn how to talk to her and calm her down. She still gets angry about a lot of things, but we've had to do what we could to keep her from flying off the handle.

We do hope that you can find a way to help your niece. It does not sound like she has dealt with it.

Vi

Sorry to hear about your niece. If you know who is responsible you can still report them them if they are at the other side of the world, the police in that country could still be instructed to arrest and deport them to face charges.

However your niece would then be forced to talk about it to the police and she may not feel ready or able so you'd have to consider how much harder this would be for her. Maybe you can discuss this aspect of it with Hyde and the wolf and get them to see how hard it would be for her even if you did get person deported back she would have to then face them before she'd even gone through personal counselling to talk about it for herself. You don't mention her age but obviously if she's under 18 then you need to tread even more carefully!

For now maybe just tell her she can talk to you anytime or if she wants you to take her to a counselling you will find an appropriate one for her and take her when she feels ready.

Jay

If you have a copy of "Coping with trauma related dissociation" there are chapters about how to manage specific emotions like anger, and chapters about how to manage flashbacks, and also tips on how NOT to black out.

If you cannot access a physical copy, you can "borrow" digital copies on Zlibrary, Library Genesis, and the like. Try to get a physical one anyway if you can, it's much more convenient IMO.

It might help to make a plan of action with Hyde and wolf. Make 2 a "revenge is best served cold" fanfic of what they would like to do in a world where batman style vigilantes are legal. The once you have let them vent and acknowledged that their feelings are valid and how frustrating it must be to have to operate in a world where vigilantes arnt allowed, research with them what can be done. If she is under 18 it is your legal duty as her guardian to report this. As a "care experienced person" certain countries would still class her as a vulnerable adult up until 26 so it is worth phoning adult social services and telling them what was disclosed to you. That you are concerned for her mental health due to symptoms you have observed and the fact that she doesn't want the police involved. Regardless of her age If this other person has occupational access to children you can ring up the social work department in the county where they are working and inform them that your niece was raped by this person but is too scared to go to the police about it and you wanted them to be aware as you are concerned for the safety of children that may be in his care/line of occupation. Social work have to follow up on these. Without your niece being a cooperative witness they won't be able to prosecute but it will be a marker on his file. Don't involve the police until she is ready. It took us 20 years before we were ready to get police involved and it has been hell. Double jeopardy rules meen she only gets one shot at nailing the bustard.

Contact the doctor and ask for advice on how best to help your niece manage her symptoms. They may be willing to discuss generic advice with you as you are her guardian. If they do chances are a cross posted note will go on her medical file that you have concerns. Next time she goes in for a pap smear or a tummy bug the doctors will gently prompt a "hows everything emotionally" type conversation. Again without her willing participation they can't treat her but making them aware give the best opportunity for things to be spotted and suggested ad maybe your niece will confess to the dr/nurse who seems so observant and empathetic.

Wolf and Hyde are angry because 1 they have a right to be 2 they feel impotent the best way to calm things down is to show them they are not totaly impotent they can still do things to help, and that you acknowledge their feelings are valid.