what does a switch feel like?

hello! so i've been researching did + osdd for a while and i'm wondering what an alter switching in/out actually feels like? I've looked through multiple sources and many just don't answer the question or are too vague to properly get a feel for what it's actually like. i was wondering if i could get some help here instead?

In my case I have five settings. If I can be alone long enough, and in a safe environment long enough, with things (not people) I love I will be in the bottom setting. The next level I deal with my wife and life in general. The third is when my awareness is raised, usually my professional setting. The fourth is when something has kicked me over and my primary Flight response kicks in and nothing matters any more. The fifth leads to explosive anger.

As my senses ramp up, with each level, I feel more alive with each level, my compassion for myself decreases, and any empathy I have for anyone reduces. My decision making improves but becomes more and more risky. At each level except the last one which can have catastrophic consequences I feel .. more confident, and in worse cases scenarios I have contempt for the "person setting" I had been. All I know is "now I feel better".

It's different for us, we have some distinctly different personalities who aren't 'a version of host'.

eg the host is seen by the outside world to be a middle aged woman with disability, they see the physical ones... wheelchair/scooter, crutches, hearing aids when we're out...it is usually myself and' Kate' (a spirit entity) blended that plays host in public when we have to deal with people under the legal name. I feel her as seperate but sharing the same body when we're blended.

Our Gatekeeper Kit is usually in the background analysing everything... they will warn us or tell us what to say sometimes but it depends what the situation is and how relaxed they feel about it. In an emergency they take over control of the body.

At home during the daytime when potentially we could need to deal with someone (office hours) it's often me...Kate is sometimes around to advise but not always blended, sometimes she goes to the inner world for a break. Kit is not usually around unless she wants to be out to do something..SG is the relief gatekeeper and takes over when Kit takes a break from GK duties.

when we know we have long time alone...long rainy weekends ...winter when its darker much earlier etc the teens and littles often come out to play... we live alone 'technically' (there's only one human body in the house and the RL dog)....but do have several health challenges which means we're mostly housebound (other than managing to get our dog for a walk locally with a mobility scooter once a day most days), we can't work anymore so our 'insiders' get more time these days to come out and 'be themselves' most are teens so end up watching 80's TV on satellite or playing video games.

Sometimes our youngest wants to colour or say hello to other littles on here and one of the teens (or myself) helps her. one of the adults likes to do adult colouring books and water colouring occasionally (when we have the mental energy to spare) while we 're watching quiz shows. some come out to batch cook for us a couple of times a month or help with tidying!

It is a different feeling when another is blended with me but kind of 'seeing through my eyes' ... but not taking control of the body...we both remember the same ..if they are blended it feels like someone is sharing control of the body. when Kit takes over she takes control of the body ..she can block others access to her time out..if she has to deal with an emergency that would be triggering to others they will have no memory of that event..only Kit will.

Sometimes I can front and find I've not been out for a couple of days and have no memory of those days or will have a vague memory that the dog was walked and fed and they played video games... like a brief summary...and will have my own memories of what I did in the Inner world.

We have a huge Inner world created by the ones that lived inside for years when our host was unaware of them (before we had awareness of DID or being a system) and have never had treatment for it. ..now in our 50's. We can switch in seconds again now but there was a time it was exhausting to switch or have too many near the front (after the stroke as have chronic fatigue now too).

Everybody is more relaxed about getting 'their time out' now (those that want to) though cos they know we get alot of alone time and plenty of time for everyone to do what they want.

Jay

I don't switch out completely. Basically, because I can't be alone, there's always a need for me to be near enough to take over for whoever is fronting just in case. That said, when I pull back inside, the situations is strange. The world becomes more vague and I notice the changes in stims. If I start putting things in my mouth like a pen or such,, I know Angel is close to the surface and will switch out for them. There's a lot of that. I don't always retain information when like this and will sometimes have no idea what happened during that time even if I know that time had passed.

Vi

For me, it depends on who is switching with who. If one of us humans switches to the Wolf, it's like a feeling of electricity runs down my back and arms, my hairs stand on end, everything in my field of vision gets brighter, my other senses sharpen, my pulse and breath rate increase, I get a feeling of excitement, and I can feel my human mind fade away. What's left is the Wolf.

The Wolf switching to any of the humans feels rather like falling asleep. Shrinking, even. The human mind switching back on is like surfacing from deep water. When it surfaces, there is often a moment of disorientation and panic.

If one of the guys is in front and switches to Lily, there's a feeling of emotional and physical relaxation, a sense of positive emotion, a momentary slowing of mental processes, my eyes usually widen, there's a sudden realization that I can only inadequately transcribe as "Oh!" and suddenly I'm her.

If Lily switches to Jayce, it's like she starts getting obsessive thoughts that quickly trigger a variety of emotional reactions, which change into the thought patterns of Jayce.

If Lily switches to Hyde, there's usually a sudden surge of pride and ego, a feeling of hunger, if only metaphorical, a sense of greater strength, and a sudden sarcastic turn to her thoughts that rapidly becomes his thoughts.

Jayce and Hyde don't tend to switch. They have issues. Working through them now, but historically, they tended to fight for the front. In the bad old days, Jayce switching to Hyde involved feelings of panic and anger, a feeling of struggle, and defeat. Switches the other way tended to involve a long boozy night and a Violent Femmes album on loop.

Hopes this helps!

There are many different levels of switches and similar.

A full on switch can feel like a complete change of identity, thought patterns, access to inner ressources/abilities/memories, behavior, emotions.

You can also have blending or co-conscious, where two parts/alters are present at the same time. The result is more of a fluctuation of the above rather than a full-on change.

You can have intrusions or influences, when an alter/part have an influence (small or big) on what the fronting alter can experience. It can be intrusive thoughts, intrusive emotions, trauma flashbacks, a sudden access to a given memory, ability, behavior, emotion, or a sudden lack thereof.

Depending on your level of dissociation you can experience different intensities of symptoms. Also, pay attention to the amnesia: they can hide a lot of symptoms untill you are completely ready to face them. Or you can have no amnesia and just a lower level of dissociation.



As for personal experiences, my first clues of switches were a gender fluidity, clear identity switches especially towards my protector part Zami (some sort of fairy dragon/qilin so the difference was very obvious especially in the somatic hallucinations of having the body of such a creature). With time and by lowering the dissociation walls I became more and more aware of my switches. Now they are mere tiny fluctuations of the same "me" because I'm way down the integration path.