New Here, New Front, Have Questions

JayceSystem wrote:

ViTheta wrote:It can be difficult at times. We are trying to make room for everyone even now and see to the needs of those of us who have different needs.

Wow. You all must know each other and function together very well to manage it.

A lot of it is communication, as Arbremonde said. It probably helps that Queen is about the only real fictional introject we have in the system and she's our Gatekeeper and coordinator. She at least started out that way. Her being is based off of the Borg in Star Trek and sometimes when I've talked to her she's referred to us as her 'Little Collective'.

JayceSystem wrote:

ViTheta wrote:Additionally, the body dysphoria can be worst for those of us in the system who aren't human in form. I mentioned having wings, horns and a tail.

And that's not something you can compromise with or help ameliorate as easily as the differences of a simple gender mismatch. I am sorry. Has it gotten better for you? Or have you just learned to live with it? If I may ask. My apologies if I am overstepping my bounds.

We've learned to live with it. Once we're on our own, we may take the step of actually building a set of cosplay items to mimic what we don't have in the Outer World.

JayceSystem wrote:

ViTheta wrote:That will probably help a lot. We commissioned a friend to do portraits of some of us in the system. And if you want to buy a skirt to wear around the house, that's not a bad idea.

That's cool. Again, my apologies if I overstep. (I'm not even good at interacting with normal types, never mind those more unique. I don't really know the rules.) But, if it is possible, could we see that painting? It would be cool to see what you all look like.

So, as to the skirt thing, how do you tell what size skirt you take?

We aren't sure about sharing the pictures yet. And it may be a little bit before they're finished because our friend has been dealing with her own mental and physical health issues lately. She's gotten help recently, but it is still difficult for her.

As for the skirt...I wouldn't be surprised if there are conversion charts out there that could help and as Arbremonde said, there is always the option of the kilt.

Enjoy your day
Vi

ArbreMonde wrote:Hi and welcome to the forums!

Thank you and hello!

ArbreMonde wrote:check the link in my signature for the ressources thread you'll find websites and book references to help you, one of my faves is "Coping with trauma related dissociation" as well as "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors".

!!! I have always had a soft spot in my heart for people who give me books! Thank you, and these look like some good ones.

ArbreMonde wrote:JayceSystem wrote:
I thought the dysphoria simply a product of the mismatch between self-image and actuality.


It does but here you need to account for the dissociation. The self-image is built upon what your sense of "me" sees as autobiographic memories experienced from a 1st person point of view. When you are dissociated you have many "me" with many pov so they can build many self-images.

A good point.

ArbreMonde wrote:It made me also realize in restrospect that I always knew I masculine-aligned nonbinary and that one of the reasons I started to dissociate was to manage gender dysphoria and create fem alters to be able to pretend to be the girl society wanted me to be. Which is why, for me, the fem alters were the ones wanting the most having the masculine transition. Especially the one looking a lot like Jessica Rabbit. She was like "We need to be a man dressed in skirts and makeup. PERIOD." She was right. I'm glad I dared to keep doing the makeup.

Sounds like you're a system who knows what they are and want. Good on you. I hope to get there, in time.

ArbreMonde wrote:Have fun and explore!

Indeed! Hyde has frequently reminded me to look beyond my duties to the system and my desire to be there for the guys and remember that this is also a huge transition into adulthood for me, and a discovery of who I am and what I like, and a time to explore and take joy in it all. He got me to stop just picking music from the list of stuff we always listen to and find out what I like and, as a result, I've discovered a whole new genre I hadn't known of but really like! My tastes don't seem to run to metal as much as the guys' do.

ArbreMonde wrote:Do not hesitate to check "Coping with..."

I have a lot of reading to do!

ArbreMonde wrote:The most numerous active alters I had at any moment was 15 I think, though some of them I count as "one" but they were more of a swarm of dozens or hundreds of fragments acting together under the same identity, like a swarm of sparrows or a school of fish.

Interesting. I wonder if that is related to another aspect of our system. There are only four of us, in the solid, stable, long-term sense. But that number can fluctuate over the short term in an odd way. Each of the four of us seem able to temporarily split into copies of ourselves to work on problems.

For example, say Jayce is trying to solve a computer programming problem. As he considers it, he becomes several people, all Jayce, all working the problem. Each one is different, though. One argues from a Minskian point of view. Another cites Hofstadter's work. Still another reminds them that no matter way we go, we must approach the implementation with the RT approach to Fermi processing. When they reach consensus, they pull together, and there is one Jayce again, with the solution to the problem. We all do this to some extent.

ArbreMonde wrote:Now I am roughly more or less fused

There seem to be a lot of very different ways of being a system. Glad to get to see yours!

ArbreMonde wrote:Putting a very visible TRIGGER WARNING [stuff] label (as well as END TRIGGER) helps the readers of your post to ready themselves for the things to come and also, to choose not to read if they are in a bad day. We do this to help protect each-others on the board from what could be upsetting.

Thank you for the explanation, but that isn't quite what I meant. I was referring to the endless unspoken dimensions to word meaning and use that accompanies all human language. The stuff I am so very bad at. But, as my name is not Creskin, and it is not preceded by "The Amazing," I have no ability to read people's minds and discern these unspoken rules. For instance, there is a very clear unspoken part in this one, pertaining to what constitutes a "trigger." The aforementioned lack of mind reading powers leaves me with only the dimmest idea of what things to flag. What triggers other people? Especially in a place like this? I can see so many potential things, I half feel like I should just put a warning at the beginning of every post, no matter what. But that is clearly not helpful.

I could go on. And on and on and on. Because nobody's so wordy as an autistic trying to explain something about something they don't get. But for the sake of everyone's sanity, I'll stop here.

ArbreMonde wrote:Mine had no real knowledge or experience of either. Yet she went out and did some serious research, demonstrated that she really learned some things, and has been a real help ever since, including some rather brilliant;y creative and effective ideas. I really got lucky when I got assigned her.


A real keeper! YAY!

She is indeed!

ArbreMonde wrote:May I suggest a kilt?

A clever idea. But my family is partly of Scottish descent, and kept to some of that old identity (as they did to the Finnish and Gypsy parts of our heritage). I know a lot about the Scots. I have been to and even competed in Highland Games. (The Wolf was not bad at the caber toss!) And so I see the kilt as a piece of men's clothing. Which kind of defeats the purpose. But thanks!

ViTheta wrote:Her being is based off of the Borg in Star Trek and sometimes when I've talked to her she's referred to us as her 'Little Collective'.

Interesting. I suppose you would need a central mind dedicated to processing and correlating information and action for so many others. How very different from our own anarchy. I may be front, for instance, but the others only listen to me because they have decided to, and there was a time when there was no listening to anyone. Thanks for showing me your way!

The Borg thing is not unlike the way we have come to see ourselves in one way, though. We have often thought of ourselves as a mind hive, an inverted take on the hive mind of the Borg. Not one mind from many minds but one mind that contains many minds.

ViTheta wrote:We've learned to live with it. Once we're on our own, we may take the step of actually building a set of cosplay items to mimic what we don't have in the Outer World.

And so shall we. As far as problems go, it's nothing compared to what we dealt with most of our lives.

I hope the items help!

ViTheta wrote:We aren't sure about sharing the pictures yet.

No worries!

And I hope you friend's OK.

I will look for a conversion chart for the skirt. Good idea.

ViTheta wrote:Enjoy your day
Vi

We will! We generally do, since I took the front. Previously, our two baseline emotional states were "hopelessness" and "grim determination." Now "happy" is an option. The problems haven't gone away, but now we can meet them from a stronger, more positive place, and return to it once we return from the there and then.

You both enjoy your days too!
-Lily

If you want to buy a "woman" skirt just measure around your waist and check the size chart of the place you buy from. I would advise to go for an elastic waist because non-elastic ones need to be held in place by wide hips. Kilts are more suited for straight hips. (which means I either need to sew mine or be careful with the size charts coz I still have huge hips xD it's the opposite issue from you)

....I don't think I even thought about that.

I keep forgetting that cis men are supposed to have narrow hips as our body's hips are very broad.

But yeah, it would be a good idea to buy elastic waists if you have narrow hips as buying ones with zippers and buttons probably won't work. I do remember the first skirt we bought was from a charity shop in Britain and had the excuse that I was buying something as a present though no one actually said anything. But in this day and age, it might be better to go online.

Vi

ArbreMonde wrote:check the link in my signature for the ressources thread you'll find websites and book references to help you

I must again thank you for the references. I haven't even gotten far into The Haunted Self and have already learned something that explains so very much. Including why Hyde is the same age as Jayce even though he was locked away for most of our lives, like me, and I didn't age much. It's because they were the first split. Jayce the day child, the ANP, who had to hold it together and function in the real world, the one who pushed the pain and fear away. Hyde the night child, the EP, unable to stop feeling it all so intensely, unable to move on, and so very angry. Jayce had to push him away to survive in our environment. Hyde's screams of anger, pain, and his impossible desire for revenge went unanswered, got louder, and kept breaking through Jayce's defenses, becoming flashbacks. Causing him to push Hyde away even more. And, though it got more complicated than that, this was the basis for their lifelong enmity, their view of each other as the tormentor.

Their realities were different, their defenses geared toward different things, and their needs mutually exclusive. And, now that we can finally see the shape of the problem, we can start doing something about it.

We are most grateful!

ArbreMonde wrote: I would advise to go for an elastic waist because non-elastic ones need to be held in place by wide hips.

Thanks for the tip. Good to know.

And it's actually one of the few things this physical body shares with my inner world body, which is rather plank-like, with hips and waist almost the same.