New symptom

Lately I've been having what seems like psychogenic shivers/convulsions. I'm not really sure how to best describe it, but it's very uncomfortable/scary.
I'm just going about my day, but sometimes it's as if there is a build up of "electric" energy and then my whole body shivers/shakes/moves. It doesn't last long, but usually comes in bursts of at least 5 of them. It seems like it could be tied with intense emotions, but I'm not able to tell exactly. I do know that I feel really scared.

Does anyone have an idea as to what could be going on/how to handle this?

It all started when I was challenged by a therapist to do something that would defy the shield of self-control I developed as a child. I said no, and then she asked provoking questions to see if I would then do it anyway. (I didn't, I then felt the first of the "shivers" and burst out crying).

I have some vague images of a memory it may be connected to, but I really don't understand how shivers could be part of a flashback or something like that. My theory right now is that it could have to do with action impulses, but I don't get it yet.

I just did some yoga and paying attention to my body seemed to be the catalyst and made it a lot worse.

Help..?

I don't know if this will help, but I've had issues with one of us in my system causing the body to shiver uncontrollably at times. When Marcie is close to the surface, it doesn't matter how many blankets we're under, we end up shivering. Marcie exists because of a near-death situation and hold that trauma.

We haven't tried to meditate in a very long time (for some reason it's 'listed' in the memories as "don't do this"). What happens is that we start going into a trance and babbling in our 'inner language'.

I don't know how to control it. I've avoided meditation because of it. I don't know if it may be that you've triggered something from one of your alters. I know that some of mine can cause certain physical issues beyond what I (Vi) experience on my own.

I will just help sort through the options.
you already know about psychogenic seizures. Happens when there is too much emotion/tension building up and no way out.
There is the chance of body flashbacks. Impulses might fit a past situation. it usually explains itself once you know the memory. a part who holds that could have been drawn closer to the front by the challenge.
Might be a bit of an abreaction. we get those when we process things and the body starts to let go of tension. feels super weird, out of control but matches the description of having like 5 shivers run through the body and then it goes away.
the tricky thing with abreactions is that they can happen as part of processing or they just get triggered and repeat something without resolving it. so if there is no release and instead a lingering sense of trauma feelings... that is not a sign of successful integration.
it might also be an acute stress response. that is what it looked like to me right after you shared about that event. it looked like it damaged barriers that are still needed, in a retraumatizing way. think of first responders who have fits of shivers as their body struggles to manage the acute stress. I think one way or another, she harmed you there. your coping seemed barely enough to keep your head over water. If she was a trauma therapist she would have known better.

it could be an anxiety type of response.

i have experienced something where it feels almost like a tic with a ticklish type of electric feeling that can start from the chest and go up into/through my head. sometimes it can start at the toes and go up. it can be once or a few times. my whole body doesn't visibly shake though. my head/neck sometimes can with it.

Thank you for your replies. It's really helpful to me.

ViTheta wrote:I don't know if this will help, but I've had issues with one of us in my system causing the body to shiver uncontrollably at times. When Marcie is close to the surface, it doesn't matter how many blankets we're under, we end up shivering. Marcie exists because of a near-death situation and hold that trauma.

Purplesky wrote:i have experienced something where it feels almost like a tic with a ticklish type of electric feeling that can start from the chest and go up into/through my head. sometimes it can start at the toes and go up. it can be once or a few times. my whole body doesn't visibly shake though. my head/neck sometimes can with it.

I'm sorry you experience this.

As for the symptom... I did some more research and I think it's likely a conversion disorder. That co-occurs a lot with dissociative disorders and childhood trauma, and is associated with alexithymia (trouble to name inner experiences). I couldn't find any specific suggestions other than "go to therapy", "reduce stress" and "incorporate mindfulness". But the alexithymia gives a hint as to what might be needed & I chose to combine it with parts' work.
So I tried to represent the feeling by setting up figurines and then did a "rescue mission" in the original memory that was being triggered.
Then I did further work with those parts and with other parts that seem to be related to the problem.
But I'm also pretty sure that it could be related to general stress that has been high lately, maybe the therapist encounter was just enough to tip it over the edge. Not sure yet.

I'm really hoping that this inner work will help! (Exhausted now).

Good luck and we hope you figure it out and get better. And thank you.

Hello!

It's generally super hard for me to post for some reason, but I've had similar things. For me, it manifested as involuntary jerks, sometimes they would come lots at a time, and it would often come with blackout dissociative seizures. I had really severe conversion symptoms during this time caused by dissociative parts that are deep down, and after a year of inner work and processing with a really good therapist, things calmed down. I no longer get the jerks at all, very rarely dissociative seizures and my conversion chronic pain symptoms have also gone. For me I believe they were a "I'm in crisis, pay attention to me and my trauma, I need help, attention and safety". I can only speak for myself of course, but inner work definitely resolved it for me.
I don't think I have the conversion symptoms at all now but I have physical conditions developed by the stress of the trauma on my body.

Hi!
I'm sorry it took me a while to get back on the forum. Thank you so much for sharing and I'm sorry that you had to deal with those symptoms. It felt really encouraging to read that they can go away. What kind of inner work did you do? (If you would want to share).
I also have physical conditions related to stress.


I just wanted to give a bit of an update... Sometime next week I'll go back to the therapist and will try to continue the work.
The shiver symptom ended up lasting three weeks, until I did the inner work interventions and took time off work.
I'm still working on it... I identified four different aspects of the memory that need attention. The first thing is the act of speaking loudly, that one seems to have largely been resolved by the inner work. It is connected to a part that we "rescued". Then there is an attachment cry aspect, which seems to be much broader than just the memory that came up. I think we'll need to do quite a bit more work on that and I can't really predict how that will go and what it will entail.
And then there is the aspect of impulse control and a different part. We feel as though this is the next step to focus on, but it's super challenging. How does one become more spontaneous and free?
It directly opposes the Freeze-tension that we feel in the body a lot of the time, the fear.
I ended up thinking of the metaphor of a polar bear, how you were designed for a certain type of environment and then you actually have to cope with a completely different one in the world of today.
Well... I suppose we'll be searching for a way to work on that as well. "Becoming alive", as my T calls it...