New here, Doctors all say something different

Hey all. My name is Max. That's not the name on my identifying papers or what my family calls me and I've accepted that. I don't know much about DID so that is why I searched out this forum. My life has been utter chaos, but at least while I am Max things tend to go smoothly and I get things done.

I've known that I am an alter from a young age, I just didn't know to call it an alter. I would protest and say my name is Maxwell but my mom would scold me. I am aware of 4 others but that is it. No littles.

I have been diagnosed with many conditions ranging from bipolar, PTSD, Depersonalization and most recently schizophrenia. That last one scared me and the thing is that i don't hear any voices, at least when Max is running the show. I'm not here to get medical advice or to confirm my DID. I want advice on how to reign in these crazed alters that are ruining my stability.

For brevity I will leave it there but thank you for letting me share.
-Max, friends

Hi Max and welcome to the forum.

The best advise that can be given is talk to each other. One way is to write out notes to each other. We have a Discord server where we write things out if we need to communicate. When we started our journey, Vi only thought there were four of us, but there's actually about twenty. Early on, we wrote things to each other, talked as much as we could, and sorted things out.

Vi was also terrified of the schizophrenia diagnosis as we have a family history, but voices in the head don't necessarily mean schizophrenia.

I hope this will help. https://did-research.org/. It goes through a lot of information about DID, PTSD, and other dissociative disorders.

Take care and be well,
Pippa.

Hey Pippa,

Thank you for the kind reply. A discord server is an interesting idea. In the past I became aware of my alter Zachary because he kept a separate diary. So the writing idea is spot on, I think.

Thank you for the link. It's interesting because I am perfectly stable and have no symptoms of these other conditions when I am me. So I have taken the first steps to seek a therapist who specializes in dissociative states.

Wow, four to twenty is a big reveal! I suspect there are friends I do not know yet too. Thank you again!

-Max

Starmelter wrote:I have been diagnosed with many conditions ranging from bipolar, PTSD, Depersonalization and most recently schizophrenia.

PTSD and depersonalization are symptoms found in DID too.

Mood swings can be found in autism, ADHD, dissociative disorders, and bipolarity, so there can be misdiagnosis between these conditions. It is important to go through a differential diagnosis to sort things out. Especially since autistic and ADHD people often have comorbidities with dissociation and trauma.

Schizophrenia and DID have a lot of symptoms in common so there is a lot of dissociation misdiagnosed as schizophrenia. Which is an unpleasant mistake because DID treatment is not good at all for schizophrenia, and the other way around too. So the differential diagnosis is of utmost importance here.

Take yoour time going through the ressource shared by ViTheta, and do not hesitate to request a specific differential diagnosis. Remember that in order to be serious, a diagnosis needs to go through a lot of questions and tests, not just a therapist looking up and down at you and saying "I diagnose you with.... [throws dice]" because that's how mistakes are made, unless you are a super specialist of something and can "feel" it at first glance (but still you need to roll through the serious tests for everything to be serious).

Starmelter wrote:Hey Pippa,

Thank you for the kind reply. A discord server is an interesting idea. In the past I became aware of my alter Zachary because he kept a separate diary. So the writing idea is spot on, I think.

Hi. Writing is a common way of communicating. Leaving notes for each other or the use of a Discord server works too. We find it easier to type than write out manually.

Starmelter wrote:Thank you for the link. It's interesting because I am perfectly stable and have no symptoms of these other conditions when I am me. So I have taken the first steps to seek a therapist who specializes in dissociative states.

It can be hard to find a T, but it's a really good start. Part of why our T doesn't think this is schizophrenia is that we only match a couple things and not much of the others. As Arbremonde said, there's a lot of overlap, and unfortunately, the /roll d20 approach to diagnosis is a problem. Unfortunately, because DID is seen as an incredibly rare condition, it can be overlooked as a diagnosis because the therapist isn't up-to-date on their understanding of it, and there are a lot of researchers who don't even believe it exists.

Starmelter wrote:Wow, four to twenty is a big reveal!

Oddly enough, once someone starts working within the system, it is typical to find more dissociated parts. It took a while and a lot of communication to find what we're pretty sure is all of us at this point as there's no more room in our cabaret (the place in our inner world where everyone lives).

I hope things get worked out,
Pippa

Hey ArbreMonde,

I appreciate the advice and info. It seems these professionals sit with me for fifteen minutes and make a decision based on how I present in that moment. When I read through these resources I easily identify with all the experiences listed. Amnesia, trance states, blocked out childhood trauma, and evidence of distinct other beings acting through my body.

The problem is it usually isn't me sitting in the chair when I am in crisis, it's someone else who has no clue how to comprehend any of this. I did get extensive neuropsychological testing but all it showed is that I have above average pattern recognition ability.

I hope I don't come across as too bold. When I started to explore my alters and trauma with my last therapist I got scared and quit therapy. There is a part of me resistant to integration. But I think I have to face this stuff if I am going to salvage my life.

-Max

We've all been there, Max. Facing trauma and healing trauma is difficult because dissociation keeps us safe from it by keeping the trauma distant and compartimented.

If you think you might check the DID criteria the most, do not hesitate to have a lookt at the book "Coping with trauma related dissociation". It is a good book for any person who went through trauma, in order to help getting the life back on tracks.

Because it can always be but even better on tracks than it already is. Trust me. You might think you have your ducks in a row but the truth is, 90% of your ducks are hidden and yes, the 10% you see are in a row. But where are the 90% others?

Let's gather them and put them in a row too!

ArbreMonde wrote:You might think you have your ducks in a row but the truth is, 90% of your ducks are hidden and yes, the 10% you see are in a row. But where are the 90% others?

Let's gather them and put them in a row too!

This made me smile. Time to rejoin the flock, duckies!