A crisis we hadn't even imagined!

...so today was meant to be a special day for 'little Susie' to come out...visit the swings, the ducks, make a pizza with us and play on the game we'd started. We'd bought her a little bundle of clothes off ebay for her 'build a bear' teddy.

Firstly she didn't show for the walk ..we didn't worry too much thought maybe she'd slept in or Yuna had and was late going to collect her to bring her out. We got message she didn't want to go for a walk but our RL dog still needs walking so Kit and I (Lee) set off with him.

She came out older than we thought she was going to do (she usually likes to come out as a 6 yr old to enjoy animal crossing or playing with her teddy) so she 'could type herself independently'..ok we thought ..maybe she wants to go on the 'littles board' ..say hello and put up pic of her teddy in its new clothes etc

However she went on the other topic for difficult subjects (for littles) where it's mostly 'older' child alters and ..well... we were kind of surprised about what she expressed!

She then disappeared back inisde saying she didn't want to play!...Anyway Yuna went back with her to check she's ok and let Jody & Sioux know.. Kit and I are ..quite frankly...totally unsure what to do??? ..obviously I can't go anywhere right now as I'm 'holding the fort' ..so to speak!

Kit's just gone back to confer with Spock and the changeling elders ...maybe a new holosuite program would help? ..if we can find out exactly what she wants and recreate it?

Other than that this is my first situation as an adult host where I have to deal with such a situation. I had no idea that me growing up would impact 'little Susie' personally or she'd ever miss the child Bobby, she spent her life trying to protect. I really thought she'd be pleased she didn't need to anymore! ..but then I'm probably the worst of us at trying to see a situation from someone else's viewpoint (without someone explaining it to me).

so..erm..any advice?

We can't 'undo' a stroke obviously...but we do have the ability, due to the changelings and holosuites to recreate the inner world exactly as LS wants it from a much earlier date if that's what she really wants.


otherwise..I'm feeling kind of helpless as I don't have a clue how to help her!

Lee

We can relate a bit.

We had a lot of changes inside the system this past year. We went from 25 dissociative parts divided into 12 alters to 19 dissociative parts divided into 7 alters. We were used to having almost half of our system being under 15yo, and now, there are only two littles left (around 7 and 12). The other have started to integrate with adult alters and aren't active the same way as before. It's thanks to trauma work and progress, but it's more change than we ever had during a single year.

Nico (12yo one) wasn't pleased with all that at first. He was afraid it means he could disappear, change or integrate without wanting it, etc. As he's not close to the other remaining little, he also felt like he had lost all his friends.

It's normal to be upset, angry or scared in front of such changes. Change can be scary, even more when it wasn't expected. You might not know what will come next, or how you fit in this new reality. It might seem easier to just reject it or pretend it didn't happen.

Nico went with the "I don't want to hear about it" solution. He needed space and time to accept things have changed, and to mourn the old ways we were working. It took him some months to start being comfortable and to show up more. He's starting now to build new relationships with the remaining alters, so he doesn't feel alone like he was before.

Given how scary the circumstance of the changes were for your system, it's normal if Little Susie has issues with adapting to this new reality. It's a whole mourning process she has to go through.

I don't really have advices, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone dealing with such things, and I hope you'll find a way to make the transition easier for her!

Thanks for answering. Wow your system sounds really big!

We were split up at the moment of stroke I got trapped out near the front and couldn't get back in but I knew the changelings priority would have been protecting her as the youngest. She was taken deep into the system until it was safe to re-emerge. Phoenix was trapped up near front with me also shielding me from overwhelm though she received damage herself. I was still in child form myself initially.

Hopefully some of the others have had better ideas and are finding out what she wants to do. I haven't heard from anyone since they disappeared back inside though hopefully either Kit or Yuna will return tomorrow morning if not before!

I can imagine that it's going to take time to adjust.

I mean, for my system, just acknowledging has taken months of effort, but we're adjusting. I imagine any change involves adjustment to our new reality. The same is going on with you, but I know you're all resilient and will adjust over time. Hopefully Susie will get comfortable and maybe when things are a little less fraught with our Littles, they'll be willing to talk more.

Hi this is Yuna

Oh MY!... I don't remember ever travelling so deep within the system! I did feel slightly dizzy coming back to the front!

Anyway we have come up with a temporary solution for now after asking LS what she wanted. She wanted to be younger 'before she even knew or understood' and as the now child Phoenix is limited to what she can transform into (until she reaches a certain age in changeling years - 4 is her current maximum for a human child) They decided together to be 4 year old little girls living together on the farm with lots of baby animals to look after!

After they'd told us what they wanted and went to sleep the changelings locked in the program and relocated the entire holodeck the farm was in, to a 'safer undamaged part of the brain' not used for most daily functions. (so what we do in the outside world will have no effect on their inner world We now also have our own separate holodeck near the front to rest in). We can still communicate with their community by both going into our 'control rooms' within our Holodecks (our Guardian and Juno will take care of that)

Meanwhile Susie & Phoenix will wake up as 4 year olds on their farm within an 'Amish-like' close community. (though they don't have to dress like them and have some technology on the farm) This is our biggest system-wide project ever coming together to help the youngest, and other adult 'insiders' who have never wanted to live out front have chosen to go live with them as members of the community as well as changelings who have chosen to stay in human form (some as parent figures, some as children so they have friends to play and do 'home school' with ) to live there with them. I had absolutely no idea there were so many others inside!!! ..or I'd completely forgotten it was sooooooo big and there were sooo many others if I had previously known!

Anyway then myself and Juno were returned to the front this morning when we awoke. The Guardian who is Juno's partner came with us, their 'day job' is run our private holosuite's in the back, repairs and such. Some other spirit guardians are with us too and some changelings who like to live in animal form, they will create their own world within our Holodeck at the front. (split into 8 separate suite's so we can visit any program for just an hour's escape or create one to live in, to 'return home' to after work).

Myself, Lee and Kit are back on track for working towards Host 'Yuna-Lee'. As I missed yesterday we're just doing a 4 day week this week! ..then 5 day week next week (providing there's no other emergencies!)...we will take turns in pairs at weekends..Juno and I will do this weekend to let Lee, SG and Kit have some 'escape from reality' time!

We've never attempted something on this scale working together as an entire system so have absolutely no idea how this will go! It will continue until our external stroke rehab is over and we have got the body back to as well and strong as we possibly can then re-evaluate where we want to go from there! ..The 'inner Farm community team' will keep us updated on the progress of LS & Phoenix throughout.

Yuna

This is a huge project and I wish you all well! It is nice to see how it helps you all build together more abilities to work together as a team because you all have one common project you all want to work on.

Congratulations you are doing so well!

ArbreMonde wrote:This is a huge project and I wish you all well! It is nice to see how it helps you all build together more abilities to work together as a team because you all have one common project you all want to work on.

Congratulations you are doing so well!

Thank you...sorry I forgot to come back to check and update this post! As you may have already read on other posts..Kit and Lee (now 'Bobby-lee') have since chosen to return to the inside for a break.

Kit feels not yet ready to cope with 'outside demands' in a hosting role and B wanted to be there for Kit as they have been their voice and support for many years allowing B to come out through them to play Zelda when they were still a non-verbal child.

B also wanted to re-build their relationships with LS and P as they all grew up together on the inside and had strong bonds.

I have the one's I was most bonded with, with me out front for support so as much as the system may have wanted us all to be able to bond with everyone ...it seems it is such a big system that you're bound to get smaller groups that relate to each other better as you would in a school or large workplace I guess?

It can't be ignored that many of us spent many years apart or not knowing of each other or resenting each other and that can't just be undone by a few hours of a week forced to work with each other! Although I do understand Bobby and Kit a little better and hopefully they also understand the need for the role of the appearance of 'a stable and more sociable host' to the outside world better now.

They appeared happier to return inside for a break and deal with what they felt was more important to them and leave us to it, so maybe trust from both side has improved after all?

They will be visiting for Mr Woof's birthday in a couple of weeks to spend his birthday with him and give him lots of cuddles but beyond that I'm not sure?