Our Journey (Journal Thread)

I'm feeling not the greatest today. We are having some "Serious" inner world dilemma, but yet I can't quite place what is going on. One second we feel okay, next second someone is causing us to uncontrollably cry in the outer world (with the person who is visibly out, not knowing why they are crying). So None of us seem to know what is really wrong.

We just aren't doing the greatest at times. It feels like we are literally tearing each other apart emotionally, and we have no clue what is going on. However, the inner world has been shifting around a lot lately (right before things began to get "tense"), so maybe that is playing a role?

I know we were having an inner world dilemma a while back, but then it seemed to be solved. At least everyone thought it was. All of a sudden, it is back again. I don't know.

Big hugs X

@Multiverse : sometimes old, powerful emotions surface back because they still need to be healed. No specific prompt nor trigger, just a huge "Please take care of me" that pops up at random times.

It's okay to cry, to be sad, to evacuate all these old emotions. It's safe to cry now.

___
After a week-end of rainstorm, it's back to the heat wave. (Or at last it's a weather too hot for me, I'm sensitive to heat and overload sensorially a lot when it's too warm.) I'll just have to keep pouring water on my head to cool down I guess. It's summer time.

Wow. Okay. So first off- I noticed it has been a really long time since we were logged on here. Second- maybe I shouldn't have logged on here. I mean, because reading over our last posts on here made me feel really crazy. I don't write like that, plus I just saw something one of us wrote creeped me out. So I just apparently discovered someone I wasn't aware of. I thought I was, never mind. Bad denial right now. REALLY bad denial.

Anyway, I wanted to log on to mention we are having some HORRIBLE dissociation or something lately. Horrible isn't even a strong enough word to describe it.

So- every single night (suddenly without warning) I find myself staring off into "space" for who knows how long. This is a new happening (I mean, since we figured it out before). It begins with feeling an energy lack, then....... It is really worrisome. Plus I asked inside. Others state the same happens to them. NONE of them seem to know why. It is getting much, much worse. I am literally beginning to panic. We had that issue a long time ago, BUT it was resolved. Now without warning, it is back- WORSE than ever and we don't know why.

I'm worried I'm losing my mind. I/we had an attack of uncontrollable laughter earlier. Everything looked hilarious, when it wasn't. I feel as if I lost 98% of my day. One second it was 2pm, the next it was 10pm. Then it happened again. Next second it was 11pm. I don't know. It is crazy worrisome.

We are under a crazy amount of stress lately, so I understand that DOESN'T help things any, BUT we managed to deal with the last issue and it wasn't nearly this bad dissociation wise. Please help.

Is it normal to feel like your brain is literally melting inside your head due to dissociation? It is NOT physical because we were just at the doctor, and we are supposedly fine physically. It is worrying me so bad.

Please help. Why would I suddenly be losing over half of my days again? I understand maybe someone new showed up. I feel maybe that is why, BUT if that is the case, they will NOT speak to me. I've tried communicating to them, like I managed with the others, BUT not a word/sign. The others also act like they don't know.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, because I feel strange even right now. It is really worrying me. I don't understand why the dissociation suddenly got so bad. Especially when we were managing to work it out before. It is scary. It feels terrible. Maybe I'm just losing my mind?

I must be triggered by something today. Especially today, BUT I have no clue what. Can inner world stuff trigger you, just like something in the outer world could? Because maybe that is why. I don't know. A lot of inner world fighting has been happening again, BUT worse than ever.

A trigger can be anything, really. You can have a thought or a memory of the memory of a thought, and boom, here you go down the rabbit hole again.

Have you managed to find a copy of "Coping with trauma related dissociation"? It is a very good book with a lot of tips and exercises to manage everything from anxiety to inner conflicts to getting organized daily and keep focused on your schedule.

Sending a lot of moral support your way. You are NOT crazy. You are wounded. Not the same thing.