A New Start (the way forwards)

Thanks. Still..by the time I've read all those links each time to check I haven't already asked that, I'd probably have forgotten what I originally wanted to ask!

We had heavy thunderstoms here last weekend and have had no broadband since Sunday. Our router is not working..Kit has been out trying to fix it but nothing is working so we've had to try and contact the provider who have been very slow to respond and help. We still don't know whether our router is the problem or the exchange got struck by lightening or something???

We have mobile data but our issue is if the phone line isn't working we can't use the minicom when we need to contact services who won't accept email such as the vets and the GP, also if we needed to phone for an ambulance.. we need the minicom to dial 999 via Typetalk relay! Bro has been on holiday at other end of country with his partner so would have been too far away to text for him to get here quickly if there had been an emergency...it makes us feel extremely vulnerable and as a result triggers Kit out in survival mode.

This is 'Suki'... We are Teen S, Kate and SG blended as one. We are currently hosting to give Jay a break..The constant Tinnitus is wearing her down, we've had a bad spike of it lately.

We took Little Susie with us to the nature park this morning to go see the baby birds, there's alot there of young coots, ducks and geese...LS loved the baby geese! ... We found a game on switch eshop where you have to be a cheeky goose that has to go round trying to get things off a list without being caught...we played a bit, its funny! Doing dinner now.

Not much else news, we have also been on a stroke group and learned other people have experienced dissociation as part of their stroke. Not to the point of having other versions of them..so I guess they didn't have DID before they had their stroke, but experiencing feeling disconnected from their surroundings and feeling things didn't feel real - mostly this was in people that experienced a fair amount of memory loss also.

Suki

I'm back... have a few busy days so I'll be around until after the housing inspection Friday.

Man actually turned up yesterday when the gardener was here,which was helpful as he (gardener) helped with communication.

The housing dept could do with help with their own communication network! They were supposed to be contacting me with an appointment before sending anyone!...anyway the house was untidy, they want to take photos of state of kitchen and bathroom (the parts adapted for disability) as well as boiler and fuse box which is buried behind a load of boxes..

He's going to come back Friday to give me chance to get bro to come help me move stuff as their not allowed to touch anything only take photo's!

Not really a good time as we seem to have injured our 'good leg' and the weak side is not strong enough to take the weight to use one crutch on the weak side to support the good side!...so back to needing wheelchair just to get from room to room until pain eases off.

Food shop is due today so have that unpacking to find the energy for later and have new 'tent' (for dogs not a full size human one) for Mr Woof's ball pool - ( as the cheap kiddy tent we got him to use as one is ripped and collapsed already), is due to arrive at some time today..so can't set off on a walk...may as well make today a rest day! painkillers and hot water bottles and hopefully we can take him for a nice long walk tomorrow and be pain free by then!

Jay

Its Suki again

I am feeling better and enjoying coming out again I feel much stronger with Kate and SG blended with me when fronting. At the same time we don't want to be stuck together if one of is would prefer to be doing something else inside. We also enjoy the inside world a lot where we have much more freedom.

But we have nice moments out here too when there's no pressure and we can just enjoy our time out with our dog, out in nature or playing on the switch. We're currently playing the new Story of Seasons A Wonderful Life. we didn't have the original, though LS has the Olive Town one...we've lost the cartirdge though so until we find it we can't play that one.

LS has been playing on the new one with us though. We put some washing in so Jay doesn't have to do it tomorrow and got the dog's paddling pool out for him..we've enjoyed today and had fun...Just have to remember to bring the washing in before the next thunderstorm is forecast later today!

Suki

Having a day where everything feels exhausting before we've started. LS feels frustrated by the bodies limitations I allowed her to express that in the group for older littles as we (Kate & I) felt 'Stroke' was a big issue to put on the littles board and many may not know what the word meant, we felt there was chance some of older teens may understand the implications better.

We can't really let her go into a group for (RL) children who have had strokes as I feel parents wouldn't understand and would naturally be suspicious of a seemingly 6 yr old with a 54yr old body! In some ways she's wise beyond her years but in others she just wants to be a 6 year old and likes what 6 year olds like!

I find the ones whose role it was to play external host when they fronted feel more restricted and frustrated than the ones who would happily remain lost in fantasy worlds forever anyway!

Jay

Something someone said on another post that has just made me realise something and I wanted to record it before I completely forgot it!

They mentioned an alter who had previously been an adult returning to child age..... this happened with Bobby after the last stroke!..They got stuck up front with Teen S (and a few others) and for a while had no communication with the inside.... everyone was confused..no-one quite knew what was happening or remembered what was what.... Bobby 'grew up' to help ...only temporarily though ...it seems!....they don't feel comfortable staying there now Kit has fully recovered and I have also been able to get to the front and help them by taking over daily hosting...Bobby has returned inside to the inner age of 10..like a 'tomboy wild child' version of Link forever exploring the Inner Hyrule with their Light Dragon! (AKA Phoenix)

'Little Susie' whilst she has had brief spells of pretending to be older to host (and we know she was real-life host for much older than 6) she still prefers 6 and remains that age inside. We believe it was her, Bobby and Phoenix up to age of 10, we still haven't found a separate alter who covered the ages of 11-13 that remembers daily life at these ages but I and Teen S have some vague memories of camping/fun holidays days out with parents/sibling that may have been in that era. (guessing from photo's given bro's age in them and knowing how old we would have been).

Is it possible that the 'animal alters' we have inside that are believed to be fragmented trauma memories ...(took that form so they could protect the littles from their memories?) ...could be the host from that period?.. there may also be parts of 'Thea' and 'Maddie' in there which could be why they never returned as full alters but we have some memories ..mainly the RL dog's lives (the one who lived at home when Thea left for uni/returned home in hols and 'Maddie's assistance dog' when we had our own flat) so we can remember their whole lives and roughly what happened in that period.

Anyway 'I' have to go now..Kit's nagging me to 'close the damn laptop' cos she wants time out to game (before we get too tired) as the teens and LS took over last weekend!

Jay

Kit had a good weekend out..I was due to front Monday morning but when the alarm went off my middle felt like I'd been run over by a steamroller! Kit has an higher pain tolerance than most of us so she took over as we needed to get Mr Woof out quickly before heavy rain set in for the day.

She managed to get the pain levels down and under control by lunch time so I re-emerged with Kate and we did some batch cooking for the freezer but again by 4pm is the pain was coming back...Kit took over for the rest of the night and yesterday.

It seems to be better today..we haven't had to rush out as it's pouring down. I have to stay up front though as community nurse is due, (she never gives a time) takes blood, blood pressure and I think is sent to judge our mood etc to report back..I generally give us 'a better report' than we'd get if Kit was fronting! ..

Mr Woof will be fine having a rest day, Kit got him to the field for a good charge about yesterday and tomorrow is meant to be nice and sunny so we'll try and get him to the lake...seeing the ducks, geese and swans etc seems to really lift our mood and help our mental health!

Got a bit of fresh shopping arriving..milk, salad etc but other than that it's a fairly relaxed lazy day here. We might do a bit of colouring with the water colour pencils for a change!

Jay

LS is with me today!.... She came out to go on the swings when Kit took Mr Woof out really early as we've got rain forecast all weekend...heavy once it starts for next few days.

LS wants to go on Animal Crossing she hasn't been on it for a while and was worried it would be all overgrown... I said we could make a nice forest area as some of the 'weeds' look like bunches of flowers! ..so going to help her make her a wild forest camping area. we may do a bit of colouring later too.

Kit has been playing the Zelda game to finish it as Bobby has returned inside and no longer going on it ..she doesn't like to waste things! ..It was an expensive game to just be sitting there with no one ever playing it! (was bought for Bobby) She said she is remembering alot more about where to find stuff and getting faster with reactions so hopefully this means new pathways (in the brain) are getting made.

I have found memory for daily stuff is improving and it's getting easier for us to organise ourselves to get more stuff done (on a good days). Still have some days when the brain fog is bad its seems to be related to how bad the Tinnitus, fatigue and/or pain levels are too. But slowly getting to the stage where we're consistently getting more good days in a week!

As a system we all seem to appreciate each other much more and the roles we have individually played in aid recovery as an whole.

Jay

Suki has been out more studying spiritualism and walk-ins etc When they are up front they see us as 'like the Trill' from Star Trek who carry a symbiote. They are blended as one but because of the Dax (symbiote), 'Jadzia' (one of the Trill characters ...for anyone reading who isn't a 'Trekkie'! ) has all of Dax's memories of past personalities and past hosts. Possibly functioning closer to an OSDD-like system via passive influence than switches. The only difference being our 'symbiote' is a spirit entity and 'soulbraid'.

They have been out alot lately studying geneology and found twins on our mum's side many years ago (first world war era)..it doesn't state whether they were conjoined or identical but they were born a few minutes apart and died a few minutes apart...AGED FIFTEEN!! (For some reason Teen S has always chosen that age and 'Juno' originally came back to us after the stroke at that age!)...makes you wonder doesn't it??...heck of a coincidence if it is only a coincidence!!! (For those that don't believe in spiritualism and soulbraids, walk-ins etc)...we are ALL convinced now we've seen that evidence!

Some of us are moving towards a 'sliding scale' way of functioning. Some still wish to remain entirely separate incase it is needed in future. With an autistic system there will always be the possibility that some future life event maybe perceived as 'traumatic' to us, though it wouldn't to a NT brain.

That part of the system does not wish to give up their ability to take over if needed in survival mode, but they have agreed to remain either inside or mostly dormant until such a time arises that we need their 'survival mindset' to get through a situation.

So whilst there is still a Tri-Force within, the sub-groups have now changed...On a Daily basis the split is now

'Jay' - all parts of self including 'this current me' and all past 'social hosts' (includes LS)
'Kate' - our spiritual twin and her memories and past lives (which includes SG)
'S7' - the Secret Seven, the ones who wish to remain separate in case of future emergencies (includes Kit, Bobby and their 'changelings')

So again..a lot of changes in a short time! ..exhausting..anyway now I need to sort out the contents insurance for the house I came out to call them at 9am but I've just realised its a bank holiday here because its 1st August tomorrow!..so the office probably isn't going to be open...I'll try just incase but ..probably won't be able to sort that until tomorrow now!

Jay

Conjointed twins always die close from each other because, well, they are conjointed. Once one starts dying the other's organism shuts down too.

Other things can cause people to die at the same time or almost the same time, such as a car crash, or a very bad disease they caught at the same time (especially if they are identical twins and have the same type of immunity therefore, they react about the same when sick). Can be a food poisonning too. Or, you know, a WW1 bombing event.

So it might be a good idea to dig up more about this just to make sure that you have all the informations. I mean, the neighbor's cat runs away if I clap my hands at her. Does it mean that I have a magical power to control her, or does it mean that she is scared of loud noises? My guess is she is scared of loud noises.