A New Start (the way forwards)

Ah, okay. I misunderstood, but I can also relate as there are a lot of things that, if someone is too close to the surface, I end up doing/watching because they want to and I'm still learning what is 'them' and what is 'me'. At least I now know that Beth was the one who loved watching rugby.

Yeah, you need to learn to be yourself for your own mental health. Oddly enough, that's been part of the issue here. I'm having to sort out what I like to do about my own physicality. It's making exercising difficult since I don't know what I like as opposed to, say, Beth.

I'm glad that things are getting sorted out.

Take care,
Vi

OK our next experiment has started... we have no idea whether this will work or how much energy we may regain this way but the system is willing to give it a try in the hope of regaining a better energy level for summer.

Everyone volunteered to go 'into stasis'. I'd explain this as like me looking inside to see them sleeping in their 'space pods'. (Like the one I was in)

Each past human host is blended with a changeling who gives them the ability to visit the place of their choice in their dreams...to each alter they are experiencing 'been on holiday' at a location of their choice with the people of their choice.

Time doesn't pass the same on the inside and the sleep pods have controls (like say a video game where you can choose how quickly or slowly the 'in-game-day' passes). This ensures everyone is happy and no-one is using excess energy the body really needs right now to achieve remission.

In the end Little Susie didn't want to be left on the inner farm alone just her and one changeling caretaker so she also chose to sleep in a pod with her favourite changeling and dream about visiting her favourite characters on Animal Crossing! ..She will remember it as a lovely holiday there so will not be distressed or anything.

Meanwhile on the outside 'Juno' has been sent to the front to help us. Now Juno is considered a 'walk in spirit' as we only gained the ability to communicate with her after the NDE experience that Yuna had...because of this she has her own source of energy (because she is the reincarnated spirit of our mother inside our body) to give my energy levels a boost.

Because as a human host I can't see or hear spirits she blends with a changeling who then becomes 'her host and inner body'..this allows me to 'see her' in my mind and receive her (independant) responses.
As every human hosts changeling is tied into their hosts deepest needs 'Juno' appears as 'I' wish to remember my mum, not as Teen S does...so to 'me' she appears in adult form to more closely match the age of the physical body....this helps when I need to 'mask'.

SG used to do a trick with KIt whereby she would mimic another alter's personality whilst Kit was still in control of the body... this was useful if Kit was gaming and someone came to the door and a brief exchange was needed or someone said hello while she was out walking the dog..she would allow SG to take over the voice box and face and speak in the voice of whoever the other person was expecting. ..when they had gone SG stepped out of front and Kit still had control of steering the scooter or controlling the body to return to game without a full switch being needed...

I don't know if there is a technical term for this or other systems can also do this, but its handy for brief interactions. This is the reason SG was chosen as the changeling to assist me at the front and also because she's been blended with KIt she has knowledge of all her past 'research' which I find I now automatically know without having to read and remember many pages of Journals!

Whilst I will continue with physio I have chosen a more age appropriate and less energy consuming style and am trying wheelchair Tai Chi that I found on YT combined with the yoga floor exercises and stretches I can easily manage without becoming exhausted.

Fingers crossed all this works for us!

Jay

I hope that helps. Good luck.

Vi

ViTheta wrote:I hope that helps. Good luck.

Vi

Thanks.... hopefully it won't take too long. We promised LS that if we do get snow we will bring her out just so she can play in the snow with our dog in the garden... the body just needs a long weekend of (almost) complete rest ...as close as we can get whilst still meeting doggy's needs.

The older ones will be fine and Bobby and Phoenix (other two younger ones) prefer the inner world to the outer one anyway!

Jay

I feel we have turned a corner...or 'I' in particular have moved onto a next level of understanding.

I found this in a journal entry about Integration..it looks from the whole text as if it was copied and pasted but I don't remember being the one who did that... anyway this bit..


UNIDENTIFIED QUOTE

"The thing with DID is that, even when the IDENTITIES are separate, what constitutes each alter is only a part of a whole.

They are not "many persons in the same body" they are "different pieces of a whole person". "



Suddenly I can see this. I can see that all the ones I refer to as 'Human' are past versions of me from specific points in time.

I'm still not sure whether 'The Changelings' are actually alters or purely imaginary created by the youngest and its just that they've been part of the system for so long they are seen as 'real to us'.

Juno is neither....I have been researching Spirituality and found cases of where spirits/souls have entered other people's bodies. (or left them or switched out with another).

This was in an old article from the Guardian Newspaper

"A walk-in can also be a companion soul in spirit form walking along with an embodied soul. A walk-in can be a fragmented aspect of a soul coming home and reuniting with the soul essence in a body… Some walk-ins are a blend of soul essences or consciousnesses inhabiting one body simultaneously. These may rotate in and out of the ‘driver’s seat’ as needed to accomplish a task"

Also

"An exchange or entry of a spirit or soul into a living body can take place when the body is sleeping, or unconscious, or in a drugged state, when under anesthesia, or in emotional stress, a near-death experience, and so on"

Because Juno was fused with Yuna first I now have access to those memories...'Yuna' is still in stasis as she is emotionally trapped at 15 but does also contain other fragments of other hosts from the teen era.

I have 'aged up' to match the bodies age and physical ability to see it as my body so Juno has too to match me. When we have got going with the new life Juno wishes to re-awaken Yuna and re-blend so she can share with her everything we have learned. Juno thinks Yuna will then feel it is 'safe to age' and that she can still be with Juno as part of 'a future me'. ..we think other parts such Sioux will also easily blend in once they have this knowledge too.

We are not yet sure whether 'the littles' will feel ready to take that step this year, they may remain as littles living inside for a longer time. We aren't sure either whether Kit will want to be part of a 'future adult more blended host' or still prefer to remain separate.

So thats where 'I' am up to now ....there's me and a soul braid/reincarnation of my mum's spirit piloting our body and then various fragments of past personalities and characters from 'an Inner world' in an Holodeck in the 'memories' section of the brain. I'm not sure whether this is progress in the right direction or not!

Jay

I would have a tendency to say that understanding why your alters have the identities they have, understanding why specific things you experienced caused splits/new alters to appear, is a form of progress.

Once you understand things, you can better see where the issues are and what can be left alone because it is not an issue/because it is a ressource. So it helps healing the wounds and streghtening the ressources.

ArbreMonde wrote:I would have a tendency to say that understanding why your alters have the identities they have, understanding why specific things you experienced caused splits/new alters to appear, is a form of progress.

Once you understand things, you can better see where the issues are and what can be left alone because it is not an issue/because it is a ressource. So it helps healing the wounds and streghtening the ressources.

Thanks.. what do you mean by 'what can be left alone and what is a resource?' ...could you give an example..(that relates to us)..so I can understand what you mean?

Jay

A ressource would be the ability to switch to a more social alter when needed. It is an important ressource to be able to be more social in social contexts. Or other alters who help on the inside. Helpful parts are not an issue so they can be left alone - unless they feel like teaching other parts do be able to do the same, of course. Or other parts want to learn.

What can be left alone because it is not an issue is e.g. how the changelings are able to take different shapes inside for fun in the "holodeck". Not exactly "useful" for the outside but not a "problem" either. It is nice inner fun that hurts no-one.

ArbreMonde wrote:A ressource would be the ability to switch to a more social alter when needed. It is an important ressource to be able to be more social in social contexts. Or other alters who help on the inside. Helpful parts are not an issue so they can be left alone - unless they feel like teaching other parts do be able to do the same, of course. Or other parts want to learn.

What can be left alone because it is not an issue is e.g. how the changelings are able to take different shapes inside for fun in the "holodeck". Not exactly "useful" for the outside but not a "problem" either. It is nice inner fun that hurts no-one.

OK Thanks..well I am the current most social alter available right now. We can't really get out anywhere right now socially so I guess the system feels we should reserve energy while we can?


Yesterday was exhausting I think it was just the extreme temperatures and trying to keep warm all day, the pain and stiffness levels were bad, I spent most of the day asleep under the electric blanket to save needing the heating on!

it will be above freezing by this afternoon so will take Mr Woof out then as waiting for a delivery (for him) this morning now..just got the email that's its out for delivery.

Just trying to get in what we need before the next 'snow bomb' coming our way February, so I'm up arranging a food shop. Everything seems quiet on the inside. I think once we get to spring and the weather improves the system will re-awaken naturally..Spring seems to be the season for birth and re-births! .... right now we seem to be in 'energy-saving mode' to get through the coldest months.

Jan/Feb is usually the time we have more stiffness/pain, more likely to get a bout of sciatica and try to catch up on sleep before the clocks go back again! It is usually Kit (with Bobby visiting to play on Zelda) that's mostly out these months as there's no social expectations and it's so cold there's no neighbours out in their gardens etc. Only people we see out are the few dedicated 'all-weather' dog walkers/runners when we take our dog out.

Anyway best get on...Mr Woof seems to have decided I've done enough typing for now and keeps trying to nudge my hand off the keyboard (he wants something..probably to go in garden)

Jay

Juno was really missing Teen S she needs the connection with that 'young self' that promised she'd never forget her and stayed true to her word for over 30 years. ..Every night when I retire to bed for the night Juno returned to the inside to sleep with 'Yuna' She misses their highly intuitive way of functioning as conjoined twins they are the only two who can successfully carry this off and blend so seamlessly as one when they need to (ie if someone came) but who both enjoy being able to split off into 'The Secret Twins' when it's just them.

She also doesn't want to have to be middle aged or older full time and seems she and the guardians have decided that our previous 'youngness' protected us from dementia and such as the brain was so active with the 'Inner world' We should not risk losing our ability to 'age-slide'.

So still needing to preserve energy by not having too many out here at front I will swap with Teen S for the weekend so she can come out to be with Juno. I'll be back to deal with the man from Housing next week and a GP appointment.

Sioux has left 'Team Yuna' '(Yuna' is now a collection of past human teen fragments who identified with the birth name and have integrated with 'Teen S') and will head the team of caretakers for the littles (under 10's in our system). Jody will also join the' Caretaker Team'.

When there is enough spare energy I will join 'Team Yuna' too as I was originally a 14yr old part before the legal name was changed. For now we have to swap places so as not to use too much energy for the front while levels are still slowly improving.

So I'll leave it here for now so the Twins can get their weekend together.

Jay