Host MIA

I'm having a difficult time identifying my dominent personality. I seem to go in and out of alters so often that their equal opportunity masks "the" host. I have never felt "grounded" to just one person...at least a main person, the person that would be ME!
Where am I?
Could one of my alters be that strong and controling to hold ME hostage??

It's driving me mad!

I had a very scary night one time where the alters told me I was actually an alter. I think it just depends on the system, and who is in charge for the majority of the time. I think our dominant personality has shifted over the course of time, and There is nothing wrong with that as long as your system is functioning and cooperating.

I have found that my dominant one has changed over time. Use to be the sad and depressed alter was the main one and everything was negative, nothing was bright and sunny in her eyes. But now the dominant one is more positive and seems to take things better. Sure there are occasional triggers and moments of darkness but for the most part, the main one in charge is stronger than the bad one and she gets driven out when she shows her ugly face. I think it is confusing to figure out who is the main one in charge if you have alot of stress and feel you have no support in your day to day life. The stress of everyday existence can make it hard to figure out when you are switching alot. I would say it takes time but that can be frustrating to hear. Just hagn on to the good in your life and trust that the main one in charge will win in the end.

Peace

Pookie Bear

i know exactly what you mean. i switch a lot too, and never know who's really in charge most of the time. sometimes i think my core just doesn't want to deal with the outside world, so i put up various alters to deal with whatever. other times i feel like a scared kid and they're protecting me cause i can't deal with things. kind of reminds me of the wizard, in the wizard of oz.

benny

t/y for the replies.......

Lark - thanks for confirming there's nothing wrong with not knowing.....

Pook - amplifying the good......xo

Benny - the bit about the core not wanting to deal with the cruel world makes soooooooo much sense.....

You are stronger than you know, Dark. You can do this and take charge of your life. I have faith in you!

Pookie

We've switched hosts a lot, which pretty much means we've switched our dominant 'issues' too and confused our environment and ourselves .. but with us there's not too much switching beside the one who's host at the time being out.. so it's probably easier to pinpoint who's 'in charge'.

It happens though that there's a core group of alters who function as host together.. I always have a core group of helpers behind me as host, but maybe it's just a core group in which each has just as much bodytime and outside-responsibilities as the other?

Or maybe you're just going through a difficult time and have never been out too much even though you are the main/original person, and it takes time and therapy before that'll happen?

Have you ever mapped your system? 'Cause now we're mentioning all kinds of possibilities and maybe confusing you even further , and in our experience, mapping your system can make you come a lot closer to the state of things for you.

Take care and good luck!

Mapping???
Please explain

Mapping = making a map of your system, starting with a list of who you know, what you know about them, what they know about you, who they're in contact with, what kind of role they (used to) play in your life and your system, what makes them come out, if your alters live in a sort of inside-world and how that looks and where everyone lives, etcetera.. You can add a lot of things to this list. A lot of things are hard to find out, but in our experience it helps to have more structure and clarity in this thing.

Thanks dimentional....

Off to map (give it my best shot anyway)