I Feel Lost

Before I turned eighteen, I was a child prodigy, and I could keep up with adult conversations about life before I was born as if I was there because I had an interest in and studied cultural history. When I was complimented on my manners, I jokingly replied that I inherited them from the British side of my family.

The day I became an adult, everything that made me unique was suddenly ordinary. Nevertheless, I still found identity as a young pup in groups often much older than myself.

However, that only lasted a few years. Still, I found identity as the city gal in an online group that caters to rural life.

In 2014 I moved with Mom to a gated community in the backroads of northcentral Florida, approximately ten miles from the nearest city. When that happened, I struggled to find identity but couldn't. Without an identity, I felt like I was slowly dying.

I pursued emergency preparedness, spiritual growth and joined a gun club with my mom. I remained a member of the online group mentioned above and joined online communities related to what Mom and I were pursuing. When I wrote about what we did, I would write, "Mom and I this" and "Mom and I that." After some years had passed, I began to see that I had an identity due to the relationship between an adult child and her mom.

Jeanette Isabelle

Arik wrote:In 2014 I moved with Mom to a gated community in the backroads of northcentral Florida, approximately ten miles from the nearest city...I pursued emergency preparedness, spiritual growth and joined a gun club with my mom.

Are these things that happened in the real world, or in the inner world?? Were you in real online communities talking about things that happened in the inner world? I'm very confused.

It's hard to offer support about you feeling lost and having difficulty finding your identity if the "Mom" you're talking about isn't the mother of the physical body, and you're not actually involved in outside activities with that mother.

Maybe you feel lost because there aren't activities anchoring you to the outside world?

(If I'm completely wrong about this and you're talking about outside activities with your actual mother, and previous outside activities, then I apologize. I'm basing my response on previous posts made by Arik.)

These are actual events, and Jeanette is a member of real online communities.

In the past, when Jeanette talked about her mom, she meant Rebecca, her mom of the inner world. Now, probably due to the doctors trying to merge the two of us, Jeanette refers to my mom as hers when discussing what's happening now.

Arik wrote:Now, probably due to the doctors trying to merge the two of us, Jeanette refers to my mom as hers when discussing what's happening now.

Or maybe because Jeanette experiences more "personification" and sees the physical body as "hers" too, as well as all the physical family relatives becoming "hers" too, and so on. Just a thought. David/Daniel (curent system host for us) is going through this "personification" phase now that he is starting to (re)connect to the body memories. It makes life easier since he has a faster and easiest access to the body memories and can better keep the consistency of our life together when hosting the system. It feels weird and takes getting used to, though, because it goes against the dissociative walls.
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The Mirror.

I see. Shifting from inner world mom and sisters to physical world mom and sisters is a phase that alternate personalities go through.