Bad therapy session

Part of the discussion in my therapy session seems to have shaken our collective mind up, and everything has gone into complete shutdown. My therapist is really good and I've never experienced this before as a result of therapy so I don't really know how to handle it. My experience of myself is that I don't hold trauma, I'm cut off from emotions. I believe I exist as a shut down mechanism, I don't think I have the ability for hobbies because every time I try I can't seem to do anything. It's the same with admin-y life stuff. In fact, it's hard to do anything except retreat into my bed and stay there. And therapy has made everything feel terrible and I've been in a complete daze and in shutdown and I don't know what to do or how to take care of myself. Also as a result of this from somewhere I get the feeling of a loss of trust and distance between me and my therapist which I don't want.

The way our mind seems to work is that there are no voices, it's like the very ability to think is suppressed or repressed. So I'm not actually aware of thoughts unless something comes out while I'm in therapy. And my therapist referred to me by my birth name in my last session and all of a sudden from somewhere 'that's not my name' appears pretty strongly in my head. I don't know where it came from because and it's never happened before. I've been feeling distanced from my birth name for a while. I thought it was because I'm non-binary. I chose Rune because I was looking for a name that was kind of inside/as a part of my birth name. My experience of meeting other trans people have been choosing names that are similar or partially come from name assigned at birth and although I've never told anyone about it before Rune feels comfortable. But the thought of 'that's not my name' didn't feel like I thought it. But the collective mind is just starting the journey into discovering parts and trauma so maybe it was me? I don't know. I've never experienced a thought that adamantly or strongly.

This whole situation confuses me, I feel terrible and I don't like it.

Ps: I prefer the term insiders for alters and close for co-con because not using diagnostic language is better for me.

-Rune, host

Did you say, "That's not my name" to the therapist? If not, then you can tell them next time that this came up in your head. You can also tell her the terms you prefer them to use when they're speaking to you. It's their job to adjust their responses to better meet your needs.

If there's distance and a loss of trust that happened because of how the discussion went, then it's important to bring it up as soon as possible so the relationship can be repaired. It's that process of rupture and repair, as painful as it is, that helps strengthen the relationship and your healing.

I second what the Gang said.
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David.

it does sound like you do know some important things from this. i also agree with the above statement.