A tiny hi

Hi!!
I think I might have OSDD or mild DID and/or cPTSD. And I just told my psychologist some days ago that I think it might be this causing me problems and she seemed to take it seriously. Which kinda surprised me tbh because I thought nobody there will believe me if I bring it up. Since it isn't so obvious or severe (I think) and most of it is "just in my head" and the diagnosis is so controversial, I really didn't have much faith in them taking it seriously. And afterwards I also got really scared. But now I'm fine, just a bit nervous. Will see her again in about a week.

In the meantime I'm reading about it and trying to understand myself better. I'm conflicted in myself a lot of the time, and fearful, so I am struggling with making decisions, also when it comes to therapy. I did tell her I need to feel safe otherwise I jump in weird directions like a frightened deer. Not sure if they can make "all of me" feel safe though. If that is even possible, feeling safe.

Hello there!

The three possible diagnosis you describe are all trauma-related dissociation (according to the structural dissociation theory) so it is normal that it can be confusing trying to make sense of it. The biggest difference is how complex the dissociation is and the intensity of dissociative symptoms. The identity fluctuations are the least of the symptoms in my opinion.

Of course it is "in your head". Where do you think your brain is? Dissociative and traumatic disorders are things happening in your brain. Your brain is in your head.

Fingers crossed you will find a therapist who knows how to treat trauma-related dissociation (does not matter how complex it is, the important is to know how to deal with the dissociation).

Regarding the inner conflicts, Janina Fisher's book talks a lot about them and she gives a lot of nice examples on how to deal with them. Including being conflicted regarding therapy work, or having maladapted survival behaviors (the frightened deer...).

The dissociation treatment in 3 phases aims at bringing this safety feelings that you long for. Especially phase 1. I hope you can have access to a professional who can do this with you!

A topic containing additional ressources (our "local book club" if you wish): post2285664.html

Good luck on your recovery journey!
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The Mirror.

Thank you!

I will check out that book, thx, it's really something I struggle with at times. Makes it so hard to stick to something once it gets "complicated" internally.

Haha, yes I know it is in my head that's a fact indeed. But what I meant with the "just in my head" is I don't know if it is observable to anyone on the outside. It probably doesn't matter that much for the diagnosis though, I read it is often hidden or simply "misinterpreted" (mood swings, or being chaotic or fickle etc) as long as someone has the latest scientific info on dissociative identity disorders they should know it can be quite "invisible" on the outside.

It's probably that I was worried that she wouldn't believe me. I think because I did mention all sorts of symptoms I have before, things I struggle with, like my identity, not being able "to go back" because something bad happened and stuff triggered/triggers bad feelings, or just not feeling much anymore (which causes me to lack motivation for doing things, also the "fun things" I used to do) etc and neither she nor others in the team have considered it could be this. Well, it could be so many things, I understand it is hard to diagnose, and I just didn't expect her to react positively to me coming up with an alternative diagnosis and theory of my problems, as I'm the patient she's the psychologist.

But, I think she did. And that may have frightened me even more, does this actually make sense to her?

I really hope they can, or refer to someone that can. The specialized centers have huge waiting lists I read online. But I also told her about them and sent her the official "info report" on their treatment. I will discuss options (and probably symptoms too) next monday with her. A bit nervous, but still have a week...

The book club sounds great, thx!