shame?

our system has recently (as of our recent abuse) been feeling a lot of shame towards being a system, and being outward with it.

we were targeted for having DID, and our abuser used my disorder to their advantage, and found ways to use it to manipulate and hurt us.
they would try to make fights between our alters, and make us hate each other. they were successful in breaking a lot of the communication we had and our dissociative barriers and amnesia have gotten a lot worse.

as of recently we have noticed that a lot of the newer alters and alters who come to front feel a lot of shame and fear when expressing themselves, as if they have to hide.

all of us are very lost, and i am looking for a bit of guidance perhaps on what i can do to build trust and communication again? to let those ones know that we are safe, and dont have to hide? lots of newer alters feel extremely shameful and fearful about expressing themselves, and are extremely wary of even our closest friends, and we don't really know how to communicate this to them as we have internal communication barriers and have not been able to communicate properly in months

we have a lot of similar experiences. we feel a lot of shame and guilt over expressing ourselves and telling other people about ourselves which is why we generally dont say anything about ourselves to most people unless the space we're in is specifically oriented towards systems. we have the constant feeling that we have to hide all the time just to stay safe. thats not entirely wrong honestly considering our current living situation. but that doesnt make it any less frustrating.

the ways weve managed to open up communication between the system is by leaving notes and such. we have a journal that we use to talk about stuff. its an online journal because we cant keep a physical one without it being found and if it were found we would probably have a lot of $#%^ we dont want to deal with. our journal is kept in a discord server so that we can access it across multiple devices very easily. you can also do something like this with google docs. we also have something similar going on with a tumblr blog. we use the tumblr blog to leave journal entries as we feel the need to and if its too personal we wont put it there. instead we will put it in the discord server. we also mainly use the discord server to talk amongst ourselves when we are cofronting or we leave messages there for other people to see when they are fronting and we'll sign them off with our names to show who wrote the note. like i said you can also do all of this stuff in google docs too if you wanted.

this is a pretty efficient way of communicating for us. where we can check the discord server/tumblr whenever we front so that we can catch up on what others did or thought while fronting and leave notes or messages or reply to any questions and stuff like that.

-kat

we feel we have to hide all the time, or we will be hurt or punished for it- due to the types of abuse we endured. even around other systems we feel this way.

we have had a lot of harm and weird stuff come to us from community chats geared towards systems, as it was used to prey on us for our disorder.
since then, we have had a lot of trouble trusting others, even other systems and even our loved ones. we have a hard time being open with ourselves because of this, we feel as if that we express ourselves in any way we will be punished or preyed upon.

its so hard trying to make communication with us, because...well
discord chat for it, tried it? nobody uses it properly...just spams random images and notes?
journals, got some- dont even know where those went... -__- after spending all that money on the journals and cool pens for them....

i'm going to look for weird niche computer programs and see if i can find something weird that works, hopefully...

- j.

Good luck!

It is difficult to find safe mental health communities especially when the core of the mental health problem is a lack of cohesion and anchoring into the physical world. This is why we like it here: even when we discuss Innerworld stuff, everything stays anchored. While other communities we had tried, were so unanchored that it left no room for healing, only space for Innerworld things and diving into it without safety net.

We had issues with our closest friend less than a year ago due to being not anchored enough and not knowledgable enough in how all DID Innerworld symbolism works and how introjection works and so on. Almost lost our friendship due to misadapted protection behaviors. Know we have re-evaluated our boundaries and behaviors (on both sides) and we interact in a healthier way.

Good luck finding that communication tools work best for you! It's a good idea to dig in any weird and odd tool that might be helpful! You never know where the help can come from.
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Zami and G/Hosties.