progress report

so thyroid is definitely too low and definitely in peri-menopause (though already knew this!)

My thyroid has never worked properly anyway but it did used to convert T4 toT3 itself (it just couldn't make T4).so need to go on a combination, this should help with fatigue once levels improve..and that should start to bring others back as soon as the brain/body has the energy to cope again.

As I'm out and I eat meat I'm going to incorporate it daily to see if that will help too. Maybe red blood cells are too low too as we haven't eaten red meat for ages.so I did manage to add lamb mince to the food shop before editing time was over so going to have a go at doing a Lasagne.

Phoenix is still with me but not coming out too much, she's mainly up front to receive and send communication to the rest of the system.

I'm resting as much as possible, only doing stretches cos we stiffen up so much it impairs mobility even further if we don't. The dogs walks are the main priority for 'use of energy'. His leg has improved and he's allowed short lead walks (just once a day) and build up slowly.

Managed to do vegetables and chicken today (still tired from yesterday) but hoping to manage cooking a homemade lasagne tomorrow. Hoping can get a bit more energy from the red meat.

Hopefully someone will be able to come to the front briefly in a week or two, it would be a sign the brain was receiving enough energy.

Me and Phoenix may try to do something up front together towards the end of next week (or the week after) to test how we do and how long it takes to recover, it should give us an idea how close we are to being able to bring everyone back.

A big reboot is gonna need alot of energy! we might consider 'one at a time' for a short time.

Also trying an oestrogen/progesterone cream to see if that will give the body a bit of a kickstart until the new thyroxine regime gets working.

so they will be back! ... I'm just not sure how long its gonna take before the brain feels it has the energy it needs to bring them all back permanently again.

Kit

Hang in there, Kit!

- Cullen

Truly_happy wrote:Hang in there, Kit!

- Cullen

Thanks Cullen.

I believe we are suffering a severe autistic burnout. This is the best article I could find on it.

https://boren.blog/2017/01/26/autistic- ... d-passing/

We have had what was thought to be three 'mental breakdowns' in the past but had no awareness of DID then (though host did know about the autism). The first time resulted in us ending up in a specialist unit for 9 months,

The second time it seemed to be more physical symptoms causing us to wake up unable to walk properly and hospitalised for tests for MS and such, but we weren't kept in as long. But the intensity of handling (physical contact) with ongoing out patient physio too was enough to cause Maddie to be created.

The third no-one else was aware except for us because it was triggered by the death of our last dog and then the 'breakdown of 'Maddie', which led to others surfacing to see why there was 'no host' I guess..and led us to DID.

This time appears to have been triggered by peri-menopause and the wildly fluctuating hormone levels combined with everyone switching so frequently for the last year of lockdowns, leaving the body completely drained and exhausted. Research also indicates this phase of life is also having an effect on optimal dose of thyroid medication leaving us with crippling fatigue and pain levels.

I feel this time we are more knowledgeable and more able to cope with this issue ourselves (other than GP advise on thyroid dose when blood panels come back) which will be taken into consideration.

I feel this is 'reversible', we have just hit 'a rocky patch' where the body needs more energy available for metabolic/body functions' so that has to be the priority right now.

The system managed with everyone inside for all those years (about 45!) before the host had any awareness that they 'had others', so they can manage again for a shorter period while we get the body's needs sorted again! Besides, if the body's needs are going to change so often now as we age everyone is going to have to get used to it!

I'd be interested to know if there are studies done on the effect of ageing on the DID system? Whether more alters/systems become 'dormant' as the body ages to preserve energy or what? ..what happens if someone reaches 70 or 80? is their system still as active? what happens if they had a stroke or developed dementia with age? ..is the system still there, but the host mentally unable to be aware of it any more?


Kit

well Bobby getting out to the front yesterday was a surprise!..seemed they escape 'stasis' not sure how.

Anyway we had a lovely day together and worked on a joint art project, they did a bird in their usual black and white style though this time with water soluble graphite pencils and I did the watercolour background. I've just got some detail to finish off, not sure whether they will come back out to help me finish it, but promised southern fried chicken drumsticks and (home made oven) chips for a treat if they come and finish the project!

Bobby rarely comes out and when they do its usually only to sit in the background to watch while I'm playing on (or watching) Zelda. They will only come through if its a 'clear run' to the front with not too many others alters about.

After watching the YT video of someone playing the Wii U version of Skyward Sword (we never got that one as Maddie was up front at the time and only used the Wii fit for Physio) Bobby and Phoenix are 'inside' replaying that with Phoenix as Links 'Loftwing' (bird he flies on the back of!). I've had to put a time limit on holodeck time though to make sure we don't exhaust the body just as energy levels are picking up again.

Diet is going well, first 'treat day' today in a couple of weeks. Down one size in the yoga pants and jeans!

Going to have to find the mechanical bathroom scales though (they got moved when redecorating earlier in the year) cos the wii balance board was playing up today...first it froze half way through an exercise then said weight limit was exceeded when we weren't even standing on it and it ended the session! ..its got new batteries in too so it wasn't that! ..so didn't quite get to 30 mins today, may just do the pedals later while watching TV.

Planning on using this time to give Bobby some extra attention as they usually rarely get any. I suspect they're out just cos everyone else is 'in' and can't 'take over' their time. It may have been intentional on the part of the changelings to leave Bobby out, knowing they might venture out and interact more, if they didn't feel watched or controlled by the others (Bobby has severe Exposure Anxiety and literally can't do anything if someone is watching - though they will play with Phoenix and Susie in the holodeck if they can direct the play - ie exact replay of scenes from video games or TV).

I wonder if them blending with someone would help them with better controlling their avoidance anxiety and help the whole system move forwards?

Kit

Blood test results came back, so actually it seems my thyroxine is too high for my body at this time of my life and hyperthyroidism can also cause fatigue and muscle loss.

I never understood why I'm not getting any muscle on my arms when I've been doing kettlebells for over a year now and adding T3 and 'energy/metabolism boosters' to try and boost my metabolism to get the weight off!

Progesterone levels are low and I'm definitely in peri-menopause. Wish someone had remembered to record when our last monthly was as I can't remember whether we're coming up to 4 or 5 months without one! Hopefully we'll manage to record the next one! I doubt it's over yet!

Iron and ferrtin was low but I have being eating more meat since blood was taken so that could have gone up a bit already, anyway basically its 'no wonder the fatigue is so crippling' - GP's words (telephone consultation).

The problem seems to be only hormone replacement is likely to fix some of the issues and I'm high risk for breast cancer and strokes. so we have to decide what we're going to be happy with (body appearance/tummy, the constant struggle to lose weight etc) and weigh that up against how willing we are to risk dealing with breast cancer or a another blood clot/stroke in the future.

Obviously not something I can decide alone so need to get everyone out for a meeting as soon as have the energy for a mass reboot and find out what others think we should prioritise. We could bring them out one by one, update them and record what each one thinks/feels until we've covered everyone, though that will take longer. (another couple of weeks at least including needing a rest day between each one coming out for a few hours to discuss it and for everyone to process it).

Don't have many real life commitments exhausting us too luckily, only have to make sure our dog is walked, and looked after. This 'mass unlocking' our PM is insisting on is likely to result in cases of Covid soaring over the summer and its the Delta (more infectious one) that has taken over here. Scarily the numbers of those double vaccinated already that are still getting it and having to go to hospital are gradually creeping up and apparently there's also another variant from Peru in the country that can 'dodge antibodies and vaccines'!

so this week I'm just getting in everything we need, so we have to deal with as few deliveries as possible over the summer surge (of cases).

I'm guessing the more vulnerable are just supposed to shield again, we haven't been given any specific information as yet, but either way the only activity I'll be risking is the dogs walks! (when no-one else is about) which won't be easy as summer holidays are coming up...looks like a lot of early nights and very early morning walks! I'm just grateful I live in a village where I can get to empty fields/parks if I time it right! ..and have a mobility scooter so we can whizz off the other way if anyone is coming! ...hopefully we can avoid the covid for another year!

Right now I'm glad I've got an 'inner world' to escape to which is completely covid free, just wish I could walk the real dog in it!!!

Kit

We've been watching a video on YT where someone has done a playthrough of Skyward Sword (Wii U version) thats only just coming out this Friday for Switch. (Susan had pre-ordered it last month for me and Bobby for our birthdays)

In it there is a kind of spirit called Fi who goes inside the Master sword and comes out to give Link advice. Bobby is quite fascinated by this, so planning to use it in Holodeck play to encourage them to stay blended with people longer. (Bobby see's themself as seperate even when they are near the front to experience something but someone else is controlling the body)

Phoenix can't actually take control of the body but if Bobby believed 'Fi' being inside them enabled them to do things they couldn't normally do and was able to advise and encourage them, then this may help them get over their 'mental block' that they can't do anything if someone watches them. (so we're moving from another alter completely doing everything for them to Bobby believing they can function in the body themself cos 'Fi' is blended with them, but they are still 'being themself' in the body, cos Phoenix is never fully taking control of the body).

I'm sure they'd love to 'come out' properly to fully experience playing Zelda on the switch in the real world, having full control of the body to control Link in the game, but would still need to accept guidance from others. Role playing the relationship between Link and Fi might help us move forward with Bobby on this and also might help them develop deeper friendship/relationships with other alters.

This game maybe the key to unlocking 'the motivation to relate to others' for Bobby!

Kit